Back together, but has anything changed?

[octopus]

Hi All,

 

Some of you might remember me; I first wrote about 6 months ago saying my bf of 6 months broke up with me because he wasn't in love with me the way he'd love other women before.

 

We spent 3 months in complete NC, and then we saw each other at a conference, things started again, and we started seeing each other again. It has been great; he's bought me flowers for my bday,ever since we got back tohether, i haven't slept at my own place, I've been in his place (where I useed to live, but I moved out after he broke up with me) but now i'm concerned that we'll go thru the same things again.

 

It's still the case that he doesn't love me as much as I love him. But he loves me enough that we're tying again, and we do have a good time together. But i think he sitll loved his ex-gf more, which he dated over 18-20 months ago, for a short time, and I don't know what to think....

 

He says "i do like you a lot but it's not perfect" and "mayeb it is perfect but i just am not sure"...

 

What does that mean and what do i need to do? I truly love him, we're great together, but every time he throws out a 'maybe' I get so hurt. Could he "maybe" love me? He thinks he has a mental block... Would that change? Or should I just leave? We've been great together since we got back together and he says it's been great to have me around, but i just don't know how to proceed.

 

Thanks,

 

da

[FCTex]

I think perhaps he's hesistant for some reason to let himself go.. Or like you said, he's stuck on it ex.

 

And I first hand know how I can hold back with someone, being that my ex would still be in the back of my mind.

 

 

I'd suggest talking deeper about it with him. He sounds honest in telling you his feelings, found out why, or help him find a path to figuring out what the deal is.

 

If you can get along with loving hime more than he loves you, and I think there's a chance for something, continue with it. Congrats on getting back together.. However if so soon, you feel that it's going to fall back into the way things were, then I'd suggest you start backing off a little, and see what happens.

[NubianLove]

He sounds confused, are u sure u can deal with it if he tells u one day that he doesnt think he loves u enough to be with you for the long term. I almost think its something he needs to figure out before u guys get back together. Even if its his own personal problem, realize u cant make him love u like that, its something he'll have to figure out on his own. Nothing you do for him can convince him otherwise unless he feels that way on his own, it might get him to temporarily think that and then once he realizes, he backs off.

Also if he is indeed stuck on his ex, maybe you should ask him to see what his feelings for her are.

[Scotcha]

Sometimes after a person gets hurt they become very guarded with their heart and their emotions.

 

For me it was like a part of me didn't want to let go of the pain or at least the memory of it.

 

For my boyfriend.. It took him a long time to get over his ex, almost a year into our relationship as well. I always respected his honesty even if it hurt. I didn't know if it was going to work out or not, if he was ever going to be able to let go or not, but I wanted to see and I am glad that I did.

 

I understood that he hadn't quite gotten over the pain of his divorce but we did discuss it. He made it clear that he was moving forward and I made it clear that I wouldn't rush him but that I couldn't wait forever to have his whole heart either.

[Belle]

Octopus,

 

People get hurt every day and fall head over heels in love again. It's not always something you can help unless you choose not to date someone or get serious. Other than accepting that you love him more than he loves you, I don't think there's much you can do except find someone who loves you as much. Although that can be tough too. It seems in most relationships there's always one that loves the other more. Are you patient enough to be the one?

[FCTex]

I agree... I think this is solely the reason here the more I look at it. I've been/am the same way. I'm guarded that regardless of how great things are, I don't want to be hurt. I'm precise in what I say and the things I do.

 

 

However, this story is awesome. I wish I could be so utter honest about my feelings, and had a girlfriend that would take it all in and keep going.

[NubianLove]

With my ex, I knew him when he was with his ex, and I stayed his friend, even though I wanted more, but after a yr and half of doing that, I got frustrated, and he pretty much decided then that he was over his ex, and we got together. I think if we had gone into a relationship b4 that, it would have been a disaster as his heart would not be fully in it. Even if my ex and I get back together, I dont want a situation where 5yrs down the road when we are married, it hits him that he does quite love me as much, in which case I'd not get back than to risk something like that happening.

 

The main question is how LONG will it take him to realize if he loves you as much? Are u willing to wait that LONG to find out? What if he never quite realizes that, are you willing to accept it??