I'm afraid my boyfriend is goign to die

[cansomeonehelp]

Im so in love! I have had problems off and on with my boyfriend, probably like any relationship.

[zpivat]

Relax........you're probably very "in love" that you've come to the point of being paranoid if something bad might happen to him....

Well as someone who loves him, just take care of him, and trust that God always takes care of him. Instead of wasting time worrying excessively about him, why not spend your time enjoying your life with him, and thinking of beautiful/nice things about him instead?

[itsallgrand]

Hey. Well, I'm not too sure why you're having these thoughts?

 

With my ex, there was a period of time when I had thoughts like this. He left for work for periods of time (a week or a month at a time). He is a bit of a wild man (found that attractive and annoying) so I would worry if he didn't call when he said he would.

And I'm talking, if he was 5 mins late to call, I would be feeling sick! lol.

I just loved him very much and worried a lot.

For me too, it had to do with events in my life prior that him not calling on time triggered. In my past, someone was late without a call, and never came back home but was hurt. So...late calls=someone hurt in my heart.

 

Is there anything in particular that gets you so worried? Maybe something that he does? Its' a fear you do need to control, which is a lot easier if you know what is making you so afraid

 

p.s. enjoy being in love! how wonderful

[cansomeonehelp]

well particularly, his driving scares me to death. He is a horrible driver, because he likes to speed and be "risky" ...."or its not fun". I have expressed my feelings on this, and he "claims" he is improving, but its a load of crap. That is my main concern, but i always get those feelings that hes in danger any where hes going. Some kid in a class we have together, always argues with my boyfriend on topics presented in class, and i worry that kid will hurt or kill my boyfriend. I know it sounds so stupid, but those feelings of mine can arise and any given time, and usually do.

[melrich]

Is this the same guy who calls you names and tells you what to wear etc?

[Cyberchick]

If you are obsessing over the fear of him dying, and the thoughts cause you anxiety, there is a chance you could be developing OCD. Hopefully not, hopefully it's just you very much in love and normal fears. But as I said, if you are obsessing and it's causing you anxiety, it might be OCD, in which case see a therapist who deals with ocd.

[Cyberchick]

well particularly, his driving scares me to death. He is a horrible driver, because he likes to speed and be "risky" ...."or its not fun". I have expressed my feelings on this, and he "claims" he is improving, but its a load of crap. That is my main concern, but i always get those feelings that hes in danger any where hes going. Some kid in a class we have together, always argues with my boyfriend on topics presented in class, and i worry that kid will hurt or kill my boyfriend. I know it sounds so stupid, but those feelings of mine can arise and any given time, and usually do.

 

I just reread this post of yours, and it actually does sound to me like you have ocd, judging by the irrational nature of your thoughts, like how you are afraid that kid is going to kill your bf. I would definitely try to see someone about this. Have you had ocd in the past or do you currently suffer from it?

[itsallgrand]

Whoa, whoa, it's not necessarily OCD and none of us can diagnose over the comp.

 

I'm interested to hear the answer to melrich's q. Perhaps she has legit reasons to be afraid. Perhaps this is an unhealthy relationship.

[melrich]

If it's the same guy as in her post a few days back it sounds a very unhealthy relationship. This post seems to be talking about a completely different person.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

After my boyfriend collapsed on a train due to anorexia.. sighs...arghh... I realised by how much it upset me that I really loved him.

 

It also hit me how little control we have over some aspects of peoples' lives, no matter how much we love them.

 

Imagine if he said he felt the same way about you - you'd probably reassure him that you'll be careful but can't guarantee anything, right?

 

We could all pop off at any time, think of that as a good thing, it makes you appreciate what you have.

[cansomeonehelp]

yes it is the same guy, and i actually tried to break up with him about 4 days ago. BUT, i have seen a side of him i have never seen. He took full responsibility for what he had said to be, and agreed to get therapy if it proceeded. He said he didnt realize it had gotten as bad as it did, and promised to really work on it. Which, i know its only been four days, but i see a huge improvement already. As for everyone thinking i might have OCD, i have never been diagnosed w that before. I think everyone has that disorder to an extent. I feel like i have it to an extent too, but not enough to be diagnosed. Any way i hope that answers all of the questions, and i appreciate all the advice everyone is giving.

[Cyberchick]

When I suggested that you might have ocd, I didn't mean to alarm you or jump to any conclusions. I just thought it could be a possibility. I hope that things get better, but if you do continue to obsess about it and you feel that fear, it might not hurt to talk to a professional about it. If it's not ocd --- and it may very well not be --- there is some kind of an issue there a professional can really help you work through.

[melrich]

From what you posted there is nothing to suggest you have OCD. OCD is a debilitating (socially and mentally) condition. The most obvious sign is repeating certain mundane tasks over and over again. If you had it you would know it.

[Cyberchick]

There is alot more to ocd than just doing tasks over and over again. There is a type of ocd where people are obsessed with their loved one's dying. All of their compulsions are mental, not physical. It's called pure obsessional ocd. OCD is a very broad disease.

[itsallgrand]

Excuse me if I'm being too blunt, but I find that there is this compulsion in Western culture to turn everything into a disease. There are gross amounts of misdiagnosis, and it causes a lot of pain.

 

This girl is worried bc her boyfriend drives like a maniac. I would be worried too. Also, there seems to be other things going on.

 

I just think this is more a case of circumstances than acute illness. If she could get out of the unhealthy relationship, I bet the worry would leave.

 

Sometimes the simplest solutions are the best. Just my thought....

[melrich]

There is alot more to ocd than just doing tasks over and over again. There is a type of ocd where people are obsessed with their loved one's dying. All of their compulsions are mental, not physical. It's called pure obsessional ocd. OCD is a very broad disease.

 

"Obsessional Obsessive Compulsive Disorder?"

 

I agree that there are many definitions around OCD and you are right that one of the signs is obsessional thoughts but from my reading, what makes OCD is the obsessional thoughts resulting in compulsive behaviour. That's why it's called Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder.

 

But I do agree it is certainly not an exact science. The OP to me seems to be suffering more from irrational thoughts.

[melrich]

Excuse me if I'm being too blunt, but I find that there is this compulsion in Western culture to turn everything into a disease. There are gross amounts of misdiagnosis, and it causes a lot of pain.

 

This girl is worried bc her boyfriend drives like a maniac. I would be worried too. Also, there seems to be other things going on.

 

Totally agree. That's why I initially said there is not much here to base a possible OCD on. As I said, OCD is a debiltating mental disease and I don't get from the OP that this is the case here.

[Cyberchick]

Pure obsessional ocd goes undiagnosed because there are no physical compulsions, just mental. I'm not saying the OP has it, but it shouldn't totally be ruled out either.

 

There are an awful lot of people who have pure obsessional ocd ( relationship ocd, homosexual ocd, bad thoughts ocd ) who go undiagnosed because it doesn't match conventional ocds like hand washing obsessions, HIV obsessions, etc. That's why pure obsessional ocd gets its own category, because the compulsions are different. It is a disease that is torturous. And dismissing it as society's compoulsion to turn everything into a disease is really belittling what people with pure obsessional ocd go through.

 

But I don't want to get off track. I was just putting it out there but I know it might not be ocd at all. I was alarmed when the OP had the thought her classmate might kill her boyfriend, AND she mentioned being obsessed with him being killed. I hope they are simply irrational thoughts that go away over time.