Who else is in the first phases of NC?

[Cassie]

Hi guys,

 

It's day 2 of NC, and I'm struggling along. I would love to hear how others are dealing with their situations. I had an overwhelming urge to pick up the phone to call him, but stopped myself. See, I initiated the 'break' but I still care about him deeply. But I don't think we're romantically compatible. He's very aloof, very unaffectionate and can be very self centered. I've sent out warnings previously, but it doesn't appear he's going to change. Nor should I expect him to. Right now I'm in a position where my head and my heart are telling me two different things. I'm trying to remain strong as I sort my emotions out.

 

Today I busied myself with putting together some birthday cards and writing some letters to old friends. Tomorrow I have an early brunch and then, thankfully, work for the rest of the evening. I also plan to keep myself occupied at the gym.

 

How is everyone else coping?

[ghozt]

ok with my recent ex nc isnt in her dictonary i brok up with her and she is wanting to be friends a day after i was all * * *? my friends told me its becuse she still wants to get back with me but i still try to ignore her seems to work.. ive also moved on to get it out and productive agin thats the best advice i can give yea

[malcontent]

Just keep busy and focus a lot of your time and energy on yourself. It's got to be one of the best times for introspection and self-improvement just because of how much it does hurt. I think you develop a certain discipline once you've shown yourself that you can live through something like heartbreak and come out stronger and wiser.

 

Even if in the back of your mind you're hoping that your ex sees the light and matures to be the man you want him to be, that doesn't mean that you can short circuit the process to make that happen. He's probably growing and thinking about things just as much as you are right now too, though.

 

I was the aloof, self-centered b/f in my version of your relationship, and my ex g/f was starved for attention. It wasn't that I didn't enjoy her company, it's just that I never wanted to have to enjoy that much of her company (i.e. all of it).

 

Anywho, it gets better with time. It'll be four weeks for me this Friday, one week since the last time she tried calling me. For what it's worth, I neither answered nor returned any of her calls. It was the hard thing to do, but it definitely makes you feel stronger.

 

Your situation is different from mine in that you didn't immediately start seeing someone else, which is what my ex did. I think that made the whole process harder for me (even though I technically broke up with her). She moved on immediately, and I think the fights that prefaced our break-up were just her way of ending the relationship: she told me her relationships always ended with huge fights in the past when I had tried to end it with her sans fight.

 

Either way, stick to your guns and maintain no contact. It'll be much easier and much healthier for both of you this way in the long run.

[bobo85]

The first few days of NC are usually the hardest because its just like starting to quit an addiction. As long as you can get past the first 5 days..you should be fine.

 

What helped me most was to pretend my ex moved far away with phone. I tried to keep busy and got out of the house. When your at home...it gets boring and your mind starts to wonder.

 

good luck with nc

[karchino]

Hey Cassie,

 

I am doing NC as well, day nine for me today! If you like to, you can read my thread, a lot of people have given me some good advice, especially Blender.

[Spawn]

hmm....i think it takes almost 3 to 4 weeks to get over with the ex hangover, i mean the pain starts subsidin a little bit.

 

But if you have decided to move on then its better to stick with strict NC.

 

Get some discipline in there.....helps our self esteem and confidence.

[amtjrtcet]

I'm on about 3 1/2 wks of NC, w/out communication. And about 10 days on not seeing him at all (I kept seeing him out, not by choice). Its hard, I find myself still hoping he'll call, wondering what he's doing, if he's thinking about me (which he's not). But the pain does begin to subside, it still hurts but not quite as much.

Stay strong

[magnus28]

im on day 2 and it hurts like hell. the crazy thing is im also having trouble sleeping too. waking up earlier than usual and only getting a maximum of 5 hours of sleep.

[Cassie]

It sounds like everyone is remaining strong. You all serve as wonderful role models. Right now I'm taking things moment by moment, in order to fight a relapse. magnus, I'm having trouble sleeping, and also waking up at weird sporadic hours. This morning I woke up at 5am. After shuffling around for a bit, I finally went back to bed. Luckily my gym opens at 6am every morning so, if this pattern continues, I'll force myself to go until my sleeping pattern settles down.

 

I came to work early today. I feel so restless and empty inside. I keep trying to make my mind busy, to not dwell. He used to write me e-mails every day so I find myself looking in my mail over and over. I know it's unproductive and I'm only driving myself crazy though ;/

[magnus28]

yeah she used to do the email through out look as well. last night someone called my cell from a blocked number. i wonder was it her. Im trying not to call her to ask. cause last time we spoke sh seemed pretty done so its a bit confusing.

[looklikescarlett]

It will be 3 weeks this Thursday for me....I just keep telling myself that everyday forward is another day recovered....one step back and I'd have to start the process all over again. Keep goin!

[magnus28]

i get u but im tempted to call but people tend to tell me that when the person who broke it off is in the angry beginning phase of the break up i should just fall back! i mean the times i did talk to her after we broke up which was last week she seem so cold and angry. plus just today UPS delivered the things that i had over her house. It hit me like a ton of bricks that damn she sent my things from her house back.

[Cassie]

Going on Day 4 of no contact. I've survived, somehow. I'll be starting a new second job tomorrow at a quaint little cafe in a college town area, as a waitress. It will be something to help me (blessfully) pass the time and keep my mind off things.

 

At times during the day I feel complete acceptance and peace with the universe. At other times I feel so sad. A few people commented to me at work today that I seemed sad. I tried to stay in good spirits but I think my aura is projecting my inner grief right now. But, one man approached me at work to ask me a question and I saw something in his eyes that I never saw with the ex; desire. It's been so long since I've seen that look. It made me realize how much I've truly been craving affection. My ex could never really provide it the way I needed though. I know he has his issues and I just need to give him space to figure out his own path.

 

Right now I'm being an insomniac. I'll try to head to sleep soon so I'll feel ready to tackle the new job tomorrow. I hope everyone else is doing well.

[magnus28]

oh my god ur not alone when it comes to co workers knowing ur not urself

i had a few ask me what was up with me. they said im not myself i seem like something is wrong. at first they asked me was the job getting too stressful but little did they know what im going through

[capricorn85]

This Saturday will make 7 weeks. It took six months after the breakup for me to really get serious about this. I don't really have any desire to call my ex. Once in a while I miss him and get really down, but then I remember why I am doing NC. It's a hard road, but if I can do it, you all can. Am I fully over my ex? No. But am I healing? YES. I am proud of myself to have made it this far. You all will do fine!