Is this going anywhere?

[MrMilk]

This is the continuation of the saga outlined in

 

 

 

Anyhoo, I won't go into anywhere near as much detail. Suffice to say that its almost three months later and I've been a hesitant, shy, guy. I haven't really made a move and things are a little bit awkward at times. Oh well.

 

Just wanted to know what you people think of what's happened between me and this girl recently:

 

1. I message her after having not really talked to her for a couple of weeks to see if she wants to hang on weekend. Says she's busy but suggests movie on Wed nite. I msg back saying "sure, will call tues".

 

2. Tues is busy day for me, I call her late Tues nite. She doesn't answer. I try again Wed morn, no answer. She then msgs soon after, apologises for missing calls and suggests we go for drinks that nite. Implication is that there's friends.

 

3. I rock up that nite and yes she's in a group of 6-7 girls. Night goes well, but I don't talk to her much, mainly talk to her friends and stuff. This is even though I sit squashed up next to her - little bit o'touching and joking, but not much. She mentions to her other friends about a party she's having, but no invite for me. Also, we all leave as a group so I dont get a personal goodbye.

 

4. After I get home, my mate tells me to msg her saying "Had a good time, your friends are cool, we should do it again". She replies shortly saying essentially no problem thanks for coming.

 

So, I'm left with the impression that I'm mayor of friendzone? I mean, at times I felt like "the guy" but then again her friends were probably just being friendly. Your thoughts?

 

I suspect if I read this as an objective observer the answer's obvious. Friendzoned.

 

Thanks!

[DN]

She mentions to her other friends about a party she's having, but no invite for me

 

Apart from being rude that's a pretty strong message she's not interested. Sorry!!

[aggierocker]

For future reference.

 

Picking up girls:

 

1) Be funny

2) Mention a date and get their number

3) Wait 3 days, and then call and ask "Hey, you know, the other night was pretty cool and it seems like you've actually got something going for you. How'd you like to go on a date with me, Thursday, 5:00, at the Starbucks in [location]?"

*Said with confidence, matter-of-fact no-nonsense.

 

4) The 3 replies: 1) Yes

2) Excuse (No)

3) Excuse with a counter offer

 

 

5) If 1, say great, then end it there. If 2, DON'T offer any other days, just say oh thats too bad, or that excuse sucks basically. If 3, limit it to 3 tries, her suggestion, then yours, then hers. If it doesn't work out, end it there.

*You may want to try again IF she is genuinely interested AND she makes an effort to see you at some other time.

 

**Online dating is very similar, however you need to get their number and then talk one or two times, and if they are cool THEN ask them on a date. Get offline as fast as possible. Spend as LITTLE time as possible online, like 5 minutes per woman per day. No more than 30 minutes on any given day, and you should send out lots of witty 2-3 liners.

 

The guidelines for a date:

 

1) Casual

2) Observe and compliment her

3) Low car stereo music

4) Politeness like opening doors, but don't over do it

*Pay for her, but make sure its cheap, $5 max.

5) Ask her questions about herself more than you talk about yourself by at least 3-to-1 ratio. You want to walk out knowing 5x as much abotut her as she knows about you.

6) Be funny and pick at her

7) At the door, lean in and kiss and say it was fun and tell her maybe you'll call her later. Do NOT commit. Be a challenge, leave her wondering what your next move is. Never tell her what you are planning to do. Surprise her.

*Wait 5 days max. before calling

[CarnelianButterfly]

6) Be funny and pick at her

7) At the door, lean in and kiss and say it was fun and tell her maybe you'll call her later. Do NOT commit. Be a challenge, leave her wondering what your next move is. Never tell her what you are planning to do. Surprise her.

*Wait 5 days max. before calling

Pick at her? A guy picks at me on a date and he gets the boot!

Don't commit, ie, be a player, and the response to that possible call back will be "Oh I'm sorry I'm with the guy who actually respected the fact that I don't have time for stupid games"

[aggierocker]

Girls don't read that....

 

Yeah..GUYS only.

[CarnelianButterfly]

Girls don't read that....

 

Yeah..GUYS only.

Oh, I'm sooooo sorry, I missed the "PENISES ONLY" sign on the post....

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

i'd like to try to weigh in on this from a woman's perspective. i don't know if this applies to all women, or if i'm just pickier about certain things than other women. i've been asked out a lot. but i can't think of once when a guy didn't do it in person or over the phone. or at least find out if i want to see him, and then call me.

 

it just seems to me, and i'm not sure why, but that even if you once messaged, that once you start calling, to go back to messaging is like going backwards. i would find your method of asking her out to be sort of sterile somehow, if someone asked me that way. so yes you may be friendzoning yourself from your lack of human contact with her. it's almost like being asked out by a robot. or a computer. and setting up a date usually involves a certain amount of negotiations back and forth, such as time, places, activities, if you just sent her that one message, then how could she have negotiated something more intimate with you? or you with her? and you also waited till the last minute.

 

ok, now that i have thoroughly picked apart your style, i hope you will take in consideration what i have said. you can elect to justify or brush it off but i am telling you the truth.

[Stinkweed]

Pick at her? A guy picks at me on a date and he gets the boot!

Don't commit, ie, be a player, and the response to that possible call back will be "Oh I'm sorry I'm with the guy who actually respected the fact that I don't have time for stupid games"

Maybe you would. But I'm sure many a girl would prefer things the way he mentioned... I mean why would it be then that always the funny, confident guys are the ones who have no problem getting dates? And I just know that if the guy doesn't do a little teasing (which is what I'm guessing he referred to when he said "pick"), then the guy's just too much of a "nice guy" and only good as a friend. Also, I dunno about the don't commit part, but I've never heard anywhere that a guy commits after a first date, at least not explicitly... But I guess what works for one girl might vary from what works for another girl and same with guys, I dunno... No need to get angry. After all, I wish what he said weren't true, because that way things would be easier for me, that I guess I'm too passionate and it's hard to control... But then again, who is more credible, the guy who's never been on a date in his entire 18 years of life, or the other guy who's normal?

[aggierocker]

Animal sacrificial guy, I haven't been in a relationship in all of my 18 years either. Don't you EMO out on me you hear!

[Stinkweed]

Animal sacrificial guy, I haven't been in a relationship in all of my 18 years either. Don't you EMO out on me you hear!

 

Whoa! Where'd that come from? I guess I better change my picture then, cause I'm certainly no animal sacrifical guy... And I'm not EMO either!!!

 

I'm just sayin things would be better if you could just be yourself without stupid rules, without having every single stupid little action analyzed and watched over.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

aggie, i personally do not mind being picked at as i am quite happy to give it back, but i don't think it's a good idea to delay that phone call too long. i have issues with that that i have little control over, and i have gone from really liking a guy and looking forward to hearing from him and seeing him again, to shutting off any hope of hearing from him again if he leaves me wondering too long, because it makes me feel rejected and many other things that aren't good, and it's hard to go back or try to trust someone once you've written them off as someone whose not gonna stick around. so your 5 day max thing is probably ok, but its probably not a good idea to push it. again, jmo.

[tylercdurden2004]

aggie, i personally do not mind being picked at as i am quite happy to give it back, but i don't think it's a good idea to delay that phone call too long. i have issues with that that i have little control over, and i have gone from really liking a guy and looking forward to hearing from him and seeing him again, to shutting off any hope of hearing from him again if he leaves me wondering too long, because it makes me feel rejected and many other things that aren't good, and it's hard to go back or try to trust someone once you've written them off as someone whose not gonna stick around. so your 5 day max thing is probably ok, but its probably not a good idea to push it. again, jmo.

 

Yes she is a smart one, despite what the avatar may depict there is something upstairs other than foam!

 

Its very true in terms of being funny in a teasing way. Personally I wouldnt date a girl who couldnt appreciate my humour! I mean jeeeeezis I dont want to head to an early grave because someone was to uptight to just enjoy life. And if she can give it back: KEEPER.

 

As for calling. Yeah I have yet to meet any sucessful guy who committed after the first date, I mean while were talking about committment why just ask her to marry you after the first date! No its doesnt work that way. Ideally you will be too busy with other aspects of your life that calling her the next day jsut doesnt fit into your plans. If you find yourself with too much time to call her get the "eff" off of the couch and do somethig with your life. Simple.

[aggierocker]

Whoa! Where'd that come from? I guess I better change my picture then, cause I'm certainly no animal sacrifical guy... And I'm not EMO either!!!

 

I'm just sayin things would be better if you could just be yourself without stupid rules, without having every single stupid little action analyzed and watched over.

 

Nice guys are boring.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

As for calling. Yeah I have yet to meet any sucessful guy who committed after the first date, I mean while were talking about committment why just ask her to marry you after the first date! No its doesnt work that way. Ideally you will be too busy with other aspects of your life that calling her the next day jsut doesnt fit into your plans. If you find yourself with too much time to call her get the "eff" off of the couch and do somethig with your life. Simple.

 

whoa, man. speak for yourself, there... i didnt say anything about requiring phone calls within the next day one way or the other now did i?...marry after 1st date?? huh???

[CarnelianButterfly]

To other guys...

[tylercdurden2004]

whoa, man. speak for yourself, there... i didnt say anything about requiring phone calls within the next day one way or the other now did i?...marry after 1st date?? huh???

 

Yes it was meant for other guys. I was merely pointing out that phoning the next day comes off as the guy having nothing better to do in his life ie he lacks other interests other than women. And no I dont think waiting a week or two is a great idea either. Marriage was tongue in cheek ie if you are going to commit fully after the first date why not just ask her to marry you. Dont think the response will be positive. Wasnt directed at you i only used your quote cause I agree with you.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Yes it was meant for other guys. I was merely pointing out that phoning the next day comes off as the guy having nothing better to do in his life ie he lacks other interests other than women. And no I dont think waiting a week or two is a great idea either. Marriage was tongue in cheek ie if you are going to commit fully after the first date why not just ask her to marry you. Dont think the response will be positive. Wasnt directed at you i only used your quote cause I agree with you.

 

ahh, good. maybe now i will consider taking you off my 'list'. for now.

[Dating Coach]

Pick at her? A guy picks at me on a date and he gets the boot!

Don't commit, ie, be a player, and the response to that possible call back will be "Oh I'm sorry I'm with the guy who actually respected the fact that I don't have time for stupid games"

 

I either think you are reading this wrong or simply don't realize how well this works exactly.

 

By picking he is not saying he is nitpicking girls, but is talking about keeping the conversation light, fun, with teasing and jokes. What do you think he is talking about? Surely you wouldn't give the guy a boot because he was joking with you trying to have a good time. If so, then good for the guy, because personally I wouldn't want to date a girl who is so uptight she can't take a little teasing. That's a lot of unnecessary drama. Surely you aren't like this so I can only assume you didn't get what he was saying.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

oh, yes that might be what she was thinking of... i don't think anyone would like someone 'nitpicking' at them alll night, not much fun there, but yes i like to play a lot, and i can pick on a guy i like a lot. he of course can pick on me too, but you know what goes around comes around....