I love him...but, I can't help but think about his brother!

[thoughts]

Ok - first off, I have been with my boyfriend for a little over a year. We live together and things have not been great. My ex BF, is my current BF's identical twin brother. We had been together and lived together for about 2 1/2 yrs. We loved eachother very much, but his drug problem was too much. We broke up, not because we didn't love eachother.

 

Lots of crazy sh-t happened. And one day I found myself in bed with his brother. Long story short, we are together now. And NO, not all is well. I went to their house for Easter - my ex was there. (The twins are 4 yrs younger than me, I met them when I was 22 and they were 18 - the fact that they had a crush on me was cute, but I never took them seriously.)

My ex has always looked at me as if I were the only woman in the world. He told me on Easter that he still loves me. When he and I were together, he had lost his job due to his coke habit. Now, my current boyfriend just lost his job!!!

 

I don't know if I am thinking about my ex because the situations are so similar. My current BF did not lose his job due to drugs - it was more political. I know it is unfair to compare the situations, but at the same time I can't go down this road again.

 

Why am I thinking about my ex; to the point where I went to bed last night, hoping I would dream about him. And why can't I just look at this situation as it's own situation and not think the worst of my BF without giving him a chance??

 

He was terminated on Monday, it is Wednesday. He has done nothing but mope since he was fired. I've sent out his resumes, I've filed for unemployment for him!!

 

HELP!!!!!!!! (I've thought about leaving my BF, but I am usually very self-destructive and I know I need to give him a chance. I do love him - but, I obviously still love his brother. This is so f-cked up! I just want to move to Hawaii and if one of them shows up.... Can't I morph them together? They are twins!)

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Well, one way of looking at it is if you can't decide between two people..you can't be *really* into either of them.

 

It sounds like your relationship with your current BF isnt really getting you anywhere, and if you are thinking about someone else a lot, whether it's his brother or not, then that is a big warning sign.

 

If I were you, I'd cut off from both of them. Honestly. But it's your choice..it just seems far too messy, you've had both of them now.... complicated and slightly bizarre, especially given that they are twins.

[BellaDonna]

If I were you, I'd cut off from both of them

 

I agree. The situation already sounds extremely unhealthy to begin with. I don't think you'll find a sucessful relationship with either of them.

 

 

BellaDonna

[RayKay]

Well, one way of looking at it is if you can't decide between two people..you can't be *really* into either of them.

 

It sounds like your relationship with your current BF isnt really getting you anywhere, and if you are thinking about someone else a lot, whether it's his brother or not, then that is a big warning sign.

 

If I were you, I'd cut off from both of them. Honestly. But it's your choice..it just seems far too messy, you've had both of them now.... complicated and slightly bizarre, especially given that they are twins.

 

I agree with Superstar on this one! She is bang on.

 

If you feel this divided, it is a very good indication you are not really finding either to be the "one" for you, or a suitable partner.

 

It is a very bizarre situation, indeed. But regardless, I think you need to remove yourself from these two men entirely and sort things out in your head.

 

I think if you are impatient with your BF for not finding a job two days after he was fired, there is an indication that you may not work long term. He is entitled to feeling like crap for a few days at least....there will be rougher things that occur in life, how will you work through them?

 

The ex...well, he is a drug addict. Goes without saying that is a toxic situation to be in.

 

Instead of worrying about which one is right for you, maybe consider neither of them are and move on?

[thoughts]

I am giving what you all wrote a LOT of thought. I am someone who lets a little bit of doubt go a long way. And I have low self-esteem issues. Which I know doesn't help. I'm 30! Will I ever find love? I know I sound lame. I know there are other fish in the sea - but, I feel this strong connection that there is a reason beyond my knowledge why I should be with either of them. This is all too crazy. I am leaving for Alaska with my sister on May 27th - I will be there for two weeks - I think I will use that time to sort things out in my head. If my BF has no job or hasn't even interviewed before I leave, I know what my answer will be.

 

We have been through so much and I have always been there for him. I know I am a little nutty and tend to make things worse - I just can't believe I am truly lovable and for all I know being with my BF is where I am supposed to be right now.

 

Someone recently said that to me. "You are supposed to be wherever you are right now. You can't be where you are going without being right here!"

[Karibo]

Oh my god! Your situation sounds exactly the same as mine! I was seeing one guy, then when we split up, things happened with his identicle twin brother! How strange! As long as their initials aren't dm and cm then thats fine lol!