Can people consciously change?

[Third Wheel]

I've been wondering this for quite a while now...can people decide that they don't like their personality, or their own behavior, and actually change it? Well, I was wondering this kind of for my sake.

 

Since school is ending soon, I've got one real year left before college. A while back, over the 2005 summer, I started to realize that I hated my personality. I looked back, flipping through yearbooks, old photos, etc., and I found out how I was, well, for lack of a better word, annoying. I was too loud (I'm saying was, because I've been trying to change), talked too much, and acted like a complete idiot. At that time, I didn't realize I was being a complete *** to those around me either. Is this a personality flaw in me? I've been trying to talk less, and think before I blurt out anything, but it takes a conscious effort from me.

 

I think people have kind of built up a first impression of me, a negative one, and no matter how I act, its stuck. I've been kind of secretly looking forward to college, where I could get a fresh start as a overall better person, but I also wish that, before I leave high school, I could leave a better impression as well.

 

I start off just about every day thinking, "I'm not going to act like an idiot today, I'm not going to be rude," and such, but as soon as I start meeting people, I kind of lose it. I kind of switch back to being an ***, and its driving me crazy. I notice that I'm doing it, and when I try stopping myself, people ask me if somethings wrong. I really wish I could change, but I've almost given up on it. I've lost a few friends because of it, and just recently, after 2 years apart, a friend came back in touch (she moved, and started calling me recently), and with her, I do act differently, and I don't understand why I can't at school, and with people I meet in person.

 

I've been hoping at the start of every new week that I might be a different person, and it hasn't happened yet, because I always revert back to how I used to act.

 

I'm really tired of starting off on everyone's bad side (and staying there.)

 

So do people change? Do I have a real chance at becoming who I want to be instead of who I am right now? I don't really expect other people to like me if I don't like myself, so I wanted to start fixing stuff at ground level. Hopefully before its too late.

[hosswhispra]

So do people change? Do I have a real chance at becoming who I want to be instead of who I am right now? I don't really expect other people to like me if I don't like myself, so I wanted to start fixing stuff at ground level. Hopefully before its too late.

 

Yes, people change; but you can only change yourself, after making the conscious effort to do so.

 

No, it's never too late to change. According to my psychology professor, people's personalities are dynamic up until the age of 30. After that, it's pretty much "what you see is what you get"....according to him.

[naterandrews]

In my history, people can change, if they want to. And obviously, you really want to. I always worry about the same things. When I go to work, I worry about how I'll act, not to say anything "odd" or "stupid". Always trying to watch myself, worrying about what my coworkers would think and say about me. I made a conscious effort to try and think things through before I act or say anything. I havent really changed "who I am" but I've learned to change how I do, and accept things. I know I'm a rambler, hope I helped

[xmrth]

I think it really takes a lot of time, and you need to realize first and foremost that you may let this personality slip out and to not let it discourage you.

 

It's true that it's more important to find friends who accept you for who you are, but if you yourself want to change and would enjoy yourself that way and consider the benefits to be worth it, then it is just like anything else and will not change over night, or over the summer for that matter.

 

You'll at least be starting to develop yourself as this new and less this and less that, and more this and more that kind of person. It will take a lot of understanding, discipline, and patience for you to be successful as it's so much a part of who you are and your personality, and that is a tough thing to change, but it's possible.

 

Even though there's always that "first impression," there's still chances to change it, just as you have faith in leaving your high school with a better impression, you need to keep the faith in yourself that it's possible to do that in the future as you're trying to keep this unwanted personality away.

[itsallgrand]

Of course you can change your behavior and personality! Absolutely, of course, never ever too late to change.

 

I tend to disagree with 'professor'. Possibily that is a separate discussion.

 

Main point: As you get older, it seems to take more effort to change. At your age, its a treat.

 

How long have you been giving this a go?

It takes time, reflection, lots of checks and balances, revelations, time, practice, time, practice, patience, time.

 

Also; other people WILL resist the change you make.

People hate change - especially in other people. They may love it in the end, but in general, people resist their friends/family/others changes. It's human.

If your friend....who was a carefree guy...suddenly acted serious a lot...you'd probably blink a few times and go 'what's up with you?'.

Just quietly continue watching yourself and practising.

 

good luck.

[hosswhispra]

Totally off topic...hope you dont mind...but:

 

"...and something has to happen, because something always does, doesn't it?"

 

I really like this quote. I have liked Shel Silverstein ever since kindergarten-- when my teacher read me the boy and the tree story.

[KIDD]

You can work on changing your personality but remember also to love yourself for who you are too! People change all of the time, usually sometimes it takes something to really make you do a 180 in your personality. But it can happen but it takes a whole lot of effort!

 

Also you mature & you change as you get older, not only physically but also mentally. Some of the things you used to like doing at 20 , you may no longer like doing at 30. People are like computers, we're always upgrading in a sense as far as our personalities & even our bodies go.

 

So yeah it's possible to change.

[Tesseract_Witch]

I feel like the dark cloud in an otherwise sunny atmosphere.

I may be too young to know, but I believe that people only change while they are physically changing--undergoing a drastic physical change. For example, a child of three may be a whinny, tattling brat; there is no guarentee he will remain in this "immature" state. However, if he develops without changing his ways, he will become undoubtly "mature"--in that bratty state--for life. As one enters their final years, he may grow crotchety, somber, and perhaps even malignant. He will remain this way. But, as he does not change simply because he wills it--a pattern of nature enforces it onto him, and he transforms subconsciously--I believe that people never change, only the situation changes.

[AwdreeHpburn]

Third wheel - the best way for a person to change IS to make a conscious decision to do so. Once you start thinking a different way, approaching things differently, you will notice a difference in behaviour.

 

It's all quite neurological really, but short answer is absolutely. But you have to train your brain by thinking differently and practicing different behaviours.

 

Otherwise trauma can cause one to change quickly too. Or desperation, as I believe hosswhispa eluded to...

[Third Wheel]

Oh, lol, hosswhispra, I recently went back flipping through a stack of children's books I had collecting dust, and actually re-read all of Silverstein's, they seem...like they have more meaning now. And The Giving Tree was one of the saddest books I've read...

 

itsallgrand, I understand waht you mean, I've tried being more serious, but some people thought I had a family member pass away. I also kind of noticed that when I was around different people, I acted differently. I've been trying for almost a year now, but I can't seem to last through the day. And today was a horrible example of that. I continued "being myself," which got a friend of mine in trouble, and sadly, we're...no longer friends because of that. I tried apologizing, because I knew how I acted was wrong, but I did it anyways, and I know its all my fault, so I guess it was justified.

 

I know I'm not the quietly serious type, and I actually would rather not change my nature as it is now. More of just...a tone down. Such as, talk less without becoming less friendly, and much more considerate of others.

 

xmrth, I do have a few people that accept me as I am, or atleast I hope so. But, I don't think I'll ever find more people like them, so I want to change to not push other people away. I'm know I generally annoy others, and they generally dislike me back. Also, I guess something about me just invites people's sympathy. Many other people actually tell me that they feel sorry for me, or they stick up for me, and I feel horrible because of that. I hate that people just assume that I can't handle myself, and I lash out because of that.

 

I really do want to change, and I'd do almost anything to be someone where I don't have to feel guilty or embarrassed about everything I do. I'm tired of pushing others away from me...

 

Tesseract_Witch, don't feel like a "dark cloud." I'm here in hopes of help, and any form of help is welcome. I kind of don't understand what you mean though. Physical change...I've been trying to be more athletic and sportsy, but I doubt that's drastic enough. I guess you mean an actual aging process. So, over a long enough period of time, if I continually try to change myself, I'll eventually mature as I hoped to?

 

So far my attempts have lead to lapses, where I forget myself, and act like I know I shouldn't.

 

About liking myself though, I can honestly say that I don't. I want to change myself so I don't feel ashamed just for....well being me.

[Sexychiick16]

didn't read the entire post, but yes, People can consciously change...

 

if they did something that they feel was wrong and tell themselves its not gonna happened again, its most likely not going to happened again..

[Tesseract_Witch]

I kind of don't understand what you mean though. Physical change...I've been trying to be more athletic and sportsy, but I doubt that's drastic enough. I guess you mean an actual aging process. So, over a long enough period of time, if I continually try to change myself, I'll eventually mature as I hoped to?

 

I meant to say that no actions of yours, but aging itself, will change you. You will be matured--even if some don't feel you are responsible or considerate, etc. as I said, you will still be a fully-grown (physically and mentally).

You can only help what you are as you are growing--if you are growing physically and mentally now, you ARE growing and changing. But only when you are growing--once you have aged totally, you can never change. When I say "only the situation changes," I mean the willpower of the individual has created an environment, a "situation" for himself. So yes, Third Wheel, change your environment, you will inadvertantly change yourself. But the reason I had to go around someone simply stating they will "consciously" change--you cannot willingly change your environment, as it is impossible. Try to change how much water is in the glass without adding any liquid; impossible. However, I can say that it is half-full instead of half-empty. Understand?