What to do next?

[Ck51010]

Hi all,

 

I been my a relationship with my finance for a year and ten months. We hit it off from day one and have been very close with each other. Right now things are kind of long distance. I'm at school about 100 miles away from where we live. Depending on my work and school schedule, I travel back home to see her (It's been this way the entire relationship!) As a couple we have been doing great.

 

Around January of this year she did something that rocked our relationship..she slept with one of her ex's. She claimed it didn't last long (

 

Last monday I call her to chat with her after she got home from work and tells me that she met a guy named "Steven" at work and she really thinks he's nice, etc, etc. I think nothing of it. A few days later I called her after I return from a meeting and she tells me that Steven came over to her house to see her. At this point I was shocked. I asked her how did they have contact outside her workplace? She says that she took down his number. She says she wants to have a friendship with this guy..Now fastforward again to last night. Her and Steven decide that they will go hanging out. She said "I just wanna go out and have some fun". After she returned home she told me that they just saw a movie at his house and nothing happened.

 

Right now I have no idea what to do. Up to this day I still love her and care about her, but I still have trust issues steming from her infidelity. The fact that she hid some of the details about whats going between them in the beginning makes me uneasy. If this situation continues the way it is now, it will make it even more difficult to forgive and trust her again. I want to make our relationship work, but I at a loss about what I need to do. Should I try and fix this? Should I break up with her?

 

Please, any advice, suggestions are welcome.

 

Thanks

[AwdreeHpburn]

Ever see the movie road trip with Brekken Meyer, Tom Green and Sean William Scott??

 

Ok - kidding.

 

Ck51010, welcome to E-not alone. I'm glad you found it, I hope we can help.

 

I think you should ask her what SHE wants. Sounds to me like she may be ready to move on but for some reason is having a hard time saying so. Maybe she doesn't want to directly or blatantly hurt your feelings.

 

Maybe you could give her the opporunity, an out so to speak. If she takes it, there's your answer.

 

Sometimes, long distance relationships can be difficult. I'm sorry this is one. I think in your case you're going to have to open the communication lines even wider.

 

Good luck dude.

[sukerbut]

once the trust is over so is the relationsip, i wa very much in love with a girl thaqt i thought was my perfect match, but due to her past and how we met..and multiple break ups my trust for her was totally shattered eventually i sabotaged the relationship, rightfully so..i would suggest you pack up and leave dodge as fast as you can...what happens if you guys are married wth children...heatache will subside..alimony payments will last for well over 18 ys.

[RandomAdvisor]

I've been in a long distance relationship for four years now (she'll finally be moving back here in two months), and if I were in your situation I too would be very jealous.

 

You may want things to work out, but you cannot force her to want to make things work. I agree with Ta_ree_saw, you should talk to her. Be open and honest - ask her how she would feel in this situation if she were you, and tell her that if she is unsure about the relationship and wants to break up to just tell you now and spare you the pain, humiliation, and heartbreak further behavior like this will bring. If she wants your trust back and to make things work, she has to earn it. Going to male coworkers homes that she just met to "watch a movie" isn't going to cut it.

[Momene]

My guess is its the long distance element that is proving very unsatisfactory for her and she's very lonely without you there. If you can't "short distance" things, you may have to end it.

 

Good luck.