No Excuse for me

[iAMclueless]

Hello,

 

I write this as a cheating husband. I am writing this and the woman I am cheating with is sleeping next to me on the bed. There is no way to express my emotions. I am caught in a dilemma and I seriously don't know what to do. You may want to excuse my long and boring post, but if any feel like bashing me please do, I deserve it.

 

The story starts when I got married 5 years ago. I met my wife and within 6 months we were married. I have grown to love her even more after we got married. She spent two years of our marriage paying for my education. I am now an engineer at a company making some seriously good money. I can not ask for more. My company relocated me to a different state. I agreed with the wife that she stays in our home state while SHE is Pregnant. I would arrange to buy a house, settle down and so on, and then she would come after the baby is delivered. I'm gonna be having a daughter which I know I am already deeply in love with her.

 

Things have not gone according to plan. I will admit that I am fascinated with sex, I almost masturbate on a daily basis even though I am married. Anyway, a new female worker was hired and from the first glance I knew that she liked me. Luckily, or maybe I should say sadly, she moved in with me in the company apartment (this is the place where all relocated and new employees are placed). It was only the two of us. She's from a different country and needed lots of help in terms of SSN, banking account, cell phone, and work issues. I was the one for her. We almost spent most of our time together and I made my wife aware of it. At that time I did not intend to do anything and I purely believed that I was doing a good thing.

 

After three weeks of being together the wife decided to come for a visit. The wife comes and I just could not make love to her. I blamed it on her being pregnant and that I was put off by it. I realized that I missed that other girl and I tried to find the slightest reason to leave the hotel and go back to the company apartment just to see her. The wife left back to our home state and I was back again with the new employee. The new employee left for three days and that's when she told me on the phone that she was in love with me. She comes back and I just couldn't resist. I am currently cheating on my wife and it has been a week. She tells me that she is only borrowing me for a few months until the wife comes in. I, on the other hand, am feeling more and more uncomfortable. Believe it when I say that the only reason she didn't quit is because of me. The job requires lots of physical strength which is a thing she doesn't have. I feel that if I leave her early she will just quit and lose a great career opportunity, and when I say that I seriously mean it. Especially when we consider where she came from. However, at the same time, she is telling me now that she feels she is pregnant and that she truly wants a baby from me. I can not believe how fast this is going and I am starting to realize how badly I screwed up.

 

It is truly amazing, she is sleeping next to me and I'm writing this. I feel so guilty and I truly love the wife. I have invested 5 years in our relationship and things are getting seriously good for us but I screwed up. The problem is that I am truly scared that she could be pregnant. At least she realizes that I will be leaving soon (next week), but I can not bare the thought that I may have conceived a baby from her. I am not a rational person anymore and I feel so lost.

 

I do not have an excuse for my actions and all I can say is that I hope she's not pregnant and that somehow this nightmare I'm in would be over. But I know it's gonna be even worse for the wife if she finds out.

 

An advice would help and a flame would be even better.

 

I suck.

[MaxPayne19]

Well i see the seriousness of the situation here....Its good at least that you realize what you did is horrible and wrong. But the hard part is going to be that you will have to break the news to your wife eventually, you can't hide it forever. You need to break away from this coworker immediately, she obviously realizes that you are going to be having a family but could care less. She seems to be just focused on her own sexual interests. You can't let something like this happen again especially with your child being on the way. I wish you the best of luck.

[itsallgrand]

Your wife might already have an idea of what is going on. Maybe she is merely suspicious. Maybe she is in denial. Or maybe she is so in love with you that she is not thinking clearly. But somewhere in her gut I am betting she has a clue!

 

The reason I say this is twofold 1. You told your wife you would be sharing a company apartment with a female.

 

Any woman in her right mind would be leery of a situation like this.

It a set-up for failure.

I don't care how much two people love and trust each other: You don't do this! You make other arrangements!

 

#2. She came to visit and you acted weird. She's no dummy. Put 1 + 2 together. You and your wife are in different states: which adds to the tension.

 

Now, I wanna be frank with you. It sounds like you are making excuses not to disengage from this other woman.

Your number one excuse is: How you are helping her (oh poor girl is from another country blahblahblah) and how she might lose a job opportunity if you leave.

 

So what?! You are not responsible for that woman. You are responsible for the welfare and happiness of your pregnant wife. And what you are doing is hurting her. You taking away the love, attention, trust, and help that belongs to your wife and giving it to this chickie who is your co-worker BTW.

 

Does sleeping with your co-worker not put your job and hers in jeopardy?!

 

You are self destructing and taking your family with you.

 

You must disengage from this woman NOW.

Even if you have to sleep in your car.

I'm not joking.

 

I am sorry to hear that she may be pregnant. But, keep in mind, she may be lying. She may be using it to manipulate you.

I think this woman is using you. Either that, or she is a seriously screwed up individual. Either way...you need to get away from her.

If you do find out she is pregnant; you can deal with that as it comes up.

Tell her to go to doctor and prove it to you.

 

Do whatever you have to get away from this woman. And do it now.

[iceberg21]

I think the worst part in all of this is that you're starting to get emoitionally attached to this other woman. Clearly you've realised that you screwed up, and thats good. While I fail to see how sleeping with her is helping her keep a job which she is apparently unfit to hold, I suppose its a good thing that you're helping her get settled. But I'm going to agree with the others and say you have NO choice but to break anything and everything off right now. Wake her up and tell her to leave.

 

You need to find a different living situation if your job allows it. If she gets fired or quits, thats far and away the best thing for you, as cold as that sounds. I do wish you luck though, and hope everything works out in your favour.

[theantibarbie23]

You seriously need to get yourself into therepy to figure out why you would do something so rediculously impulsive as sleep with another woman without using protection. You don't have to only worry about pregnancy at this point, but the fact that this needy woman may have a ton of STDs for you to bring home to your wife.

 

My father brought home AIDS from one of his romps. Get yourself tested and do NOT even consider sleeping with your wife until you do. You could pass something along that could kill your unborn child.

 

This woman is toxic to you and WILL destroy you if you continue to see her. It's not a question of if, it's a question of when.

 

She wants you for herself. That's why she wants you to get her pregnant. She is hoping it will be enough to end your marriage so that the two of you can be together.

 

You have to stop having contact with this woman and work on your marriage. If it means having to get your own place and not use the company apartment, so be it. I'd start circling ads tomorrow.

 

No more worrying about how this foreign woman is going to cope or if she needs help. It's not your job to be her knight in shinning armour. If you want to save someone, save your wife. I promise you she is hurting after the way you reacted when she came to visit. Feeling rejected by someone when you are pregnant with their child is one of the worst things I have ever experienced.

 

You ARE going to have to tell your wife about the affair, because this woman sounds like the type that will tell her eventually if your marriage doesn't crumble like she's hoping it will. You have a much better chance of keeping your marriage intact if you confess as opposed to the other woman calling to let her know how in love you both are..... seriously, get her out of your life, pronto.

[RandomAdvisor]

You've gotten some great advice so far, all I can do is echo it. I hope you follow it.

 

I too was struck by how you are clearly becoming attached to this woman. You're speaking about her job and well being as if she's your wife - she's not. Your wife is pregnant with your baby in another state, the last thing she should be worrying about is some tramp from another country trying to steal her husband.

 

Eliminate this woman from your personal life ASAP (as in, right now!) and pray that she is not pregnant. If you can get a couple of days so you can hop on a plane or drive to your wife, then great. Do that and confess to her. I agree with theantibarbie, if you don't confess to your wife about this the other woman most definitly will. And yes, please get tested for STD's.

[LaL]

why do you address your wife as " The Wife"?

[SxcLady]

go out ... buy her a pregnancy test ... test her ... then get out of her life! (unless she is pregnant) everyone here is right. You need to get away and back to work on your marriage!!!

[SxcLady]

nice point LaL

[iAMclueless]

All I can say is that I seriously appreciate the advice from every single individual over here.

 

LAL wrote:

why do you address your wife as " The Wife"?

 

 

No reason really, my friends and I always call our wives "The Wife".

 

 

some_guy282 wrote:

 

I too was struck by how you are clearly becoming attached to this woman. You're speaking about her job and well being as if she's your wife - she's not. Your wife is pregnant with your baby in another state, the last thing she should be worrying about is some tramp from another country trying to steal her husband.

 

This is the type of person I am. I have done this with every single trainee we had; the difference is that with this one I crossed my line and screwed up.

 

Eliminate this woman from your personal life ASAP (as in, right now!) and pray that she is not pregnant. If you can get a couple of days so you can hop on a plane or drive to your wife, then great. Do that and confess to her. I agree with theantibarbie, if you don't confess to your wife about this the other woman most definitly will. And yes, please get tested for STD's

 

I am that kinda of person who planned every single thing for his life. You are totally right, I need to get tested for STD now, I need to know and hope to God she isn't pregnant. As far as I know, I may have already destroyed my life.

To be honest, I don't think I'll ever tell my wife. Maybe I'll just let it go as if it never happened and compensate her greatly. I realize that even if I tell the wife and she stays with me, the trust is gone.

What really hurts me is how much I am also attached to my wife's Mom and Dad; they had us live with them for 2 years making sure we save money and get on our feet, they fed us, paid for our food, and never asked for a dime.

How I betrayed this trust is killing me.

 

No matter how much I write I can never express the shame and the guilt I am feeling. In a way, I truly understand why ancient people stoned such people and if I am to be stoned to death with it so be it.

 

 

theantibarbie23 wrote:

 

This woman is toxic to you and WILL destroy you if you continue to see her. It's not a question of if, it's a question of when.

 

She wants you for herself. That's why she wants you to get her pregnant. She is hoping it will be enough to end your marriage so that the two of you can be together.

 

You have to stop having contact with this woman and work on your marriage. If it means having to get your own place and not use the company apartment, so be it. I'd start circling ads tomorrow.

 

This woman is dysfunctional I believe. After only one week of being together she's already asking for one. I think the reason why she is so attached to me is because she grew up without a father. Amazingly, her father was having an affair with her mom and she was the product of it. Her father never told his family and died without them even knowing about it. When I showed up with all the protection and need (my shining asmor), she saw in me the "father figure" and I admit I took advantage of it just to experience lust. Now, if she really gets pregnant, then she is repeating the same story her mother did. I can't imagine the same story happening again. As far as her mother goes, and if she really gets pregnant, then what comes around will come back to haunt her again.

 

iceberg21 wrote:

 

You need to find a different living situation if your job allows it. If she gets fired or quits, thats far and away the best thing for you, as cold as that sounds. I do wish you luck though, and hope everything works out in your favour.

 

She will be leaving for the oil rig tomorrow and won't be back for a couple of weeks. By the time she comes back I will be gone to England for more training and when I come back in June, the house I am building for the wife and the daughter will be ready for closing. I work in the office and she works in the field. She will be gone for weeks and back for a day or two. This job is really hard and like I said before, it is not fit for females to do due to the huge physical work required for it.

 

MaxPayne19 wrote:

 

Well i see the seriousness of the situation here....Its good at least that you realize what you did is horrible and wrong. But the hard part is going to be that you will have to break the news to your wife eventually, you can't hide it forever. You need to break away from this coworker immediately, she obviously realizes that you are going to be having a family but could care less. She seems to be just focused on her own sexual interests. You can't let something like this happen again especially with your child being on the way. I wish you the best of luck.

 

Today will be the last day I hope and then she will be gone. However, I feel that I do not want to wait until her next period to find out whether she is pregnant or not. I am thinking of doing a blood test. We have been having sex for a week now.

 

If any know about this please help. Is the blood test going to determine if she's pregnant earlier than regular urine tests? I may have to drag her to a doctor to do it before she leaves for the rig.

 

I am 28 right now, and worked so hard to build a decent life for my family and me; I ask myself, why would someone self-destruct like that? How can I destroy my own life with my own hands? It is nothing but an amazing thing. Sometimes I tell myself I worked so hard and I need some amusement, and I really did suffer so much, but again this is never an excuse. I watch the news, see people getting killed, robbed, cheated on and so on and I tell myself am not like those retards". Well, I am now.

 

Like I said above, words can never express how screwed up I feel. I know that some of you will read this and say a loser". Believe it, I was that guy who used to say that stuff and now it is said back to me.

 

My priority right now is to make sure she isn't pregnant, but my problem isn't' over. She works with me, and like others said she may go tell the wife about it. Maybe this is the least I deserve as a punishment but I hope it never comes. I have already told her that she shouldn't stop looking for a mate even though she claims she is in love with me. I have lied to her and said that I love her, but I can't be with her because I cannot have my baby daughter live without a father. She understands that. But again, what if she gets pregnant? I don't know. I just don't want to think about it; it's too big of a thing for me to bare.

[lisica]

Why did you have unprotected sex with her several times? Did the thought not cross your mind that she might get pregnant?

[theantibarbie23]

>

 

Please tell this woman the TRUTH. Tell her that you love and want to be with your wife. You are only giving her more reason to cling to you and continue to believe that the two of you could be together if your wife were out of the way. Lying is the worst possible route you could go. It sucks hurting people's feelings but it has to be done now out of self-preservation. This woman is capable of doing serious damage to your family and you need to protect it. She needs to know that there is NO HOPE for her and you to be together EVER, period. Don't let her continue to feed off of this fantasy. The sooner she faces reality, the better.

[Cyberchick]

If you are scared that she could go and tell your wife about the affair, I say bite the bullet and tell your wife instead. I know you say you probably will never tell her but you have a fear she might find out anyway, and I think you can do alot more damage control if the truth comes from you.

 

One question though: why on EARTH would you tell this other woman you LOVE her, when you don't? What was there to be gained from doing that? I had an affair with a married man once. He was a jerk and a basically dishonest person but the one thing he was honest about was the fact that he didn't love me and that he was not with me for love. I knew he was in it for the sex. Not that that was a great thing, but I think it would have made things so much worse for me if he had lied and said he loved me.

 

Hopefully things will work out for you, but one way or another, your wife deserves to know the truth. " Compensating her greatly " is NOT enough. You are denying her the choice to continue this relationship by keeping the truth from her and continuing on as though you have been completely faithful.

 

Best of luck.

[SxcLady]

I have made a stupid mistake before... thought i could hide it... and when he found out... OMG... i felt it would have been so much better if i had told him thereforeeee... no i do not see you as a loser or anything, im just suggesting that YOU should tell her before someone else does.

 

In need of an early pregnancy test ... you can buy them from the chemist, they are called "early pregnancy tests" BUT if you can, get her to go for a blood test at the doctors because they are much more accurate.

 

link removed

 

That site will explain it all.

 

Sorry but while reading the last time you wrote on here and the time before i had a thought but i wanted to see what you wrote next and am still having that thought... Was this girl purposely sleeping with you because she wanted to fall pregnant, so that you would stay around? to her you seem like a man who will, standby a woman even if she was "only a fling" to care for your child. Then you mentioned the part about her mother and her... no father figure in that story ... does she want a life like her mothers. I dont know, its confusing me more every time i read it. Does anyone else have that same thought as me? Maybe im just imagining it but thats how it seems to me!

 

GoodLuck,

Love SL.

[Invicta]

Amazingly, her father was having an affair with her mom and she was the product of it. Her father never told his family and died without them even knowing about it. QUOTE]

 

 

- then how the hell did you find out about it jimbo?

 

 

To be honest, I don't think I'll ever tell my wife. Maybe I'll just let it go as if it never happened and compensate her greatly. I realize that even if I tell the wife and she stays with me, the trust is gone.QUOTE]

 

You're going to have to tell "The Wife" at some point. It will slowly eat at you and eventually ( out of even more selfishness) you will have to get it off your chest, Unless of course you don't feel nearly as guilty as you claim.

 

The reason you need to tell her soon is because

#1 It looks much worse if your foreign doll spills the beans.

#2 Living together for a couple of years under false pretenses looks really bad. You think the trust will be gone? You may be able to salvage some of it by coming clean. I may have been able to forgive a pat infidelity if they had not kept it secret for so long.

 

Nevermind I lied... I could never forgive infidelity. Your wife though, with the kid and all, may be a different story

[westwind61]

Dude. Former affair participant here. Look up my posts if you want to read my story.

 

From one cheating husband to another. End it with the other woman right now g*ddamit and get some professional counseling. Good luck.