how can she just forget about everything.

[ryan1987]

i was with this girl for a yr and 4months, in december she asked for a break as she felt pressured,stressed,tied down, etc etc, anyway i agreed not to see her and give her space, i couldnt do that, i kept calling her, talking to her on msn, asking how she felt,etc i called to her house about 2weeks into it and she was saying she has not missed me and that she is confused about her feelings and that she mite not want to get back with me, anyway we met up one night just before valintino day, and i asked were we back together and she said yeah sure,

 

the last four months she was so distant, i repeatly said love you, do u luv me, do you want me, etc etc, she started to see her friend alot more and would rarely call me and never ask to see me, i kept on and on, y do u not want to see me,, etc, by the end it was quite clear how she felt, i always started fights because of how she acted now, and because i wanted things to go back to normal, she had become so distant, like we were not even friends anymore

 

3weeks ago i said should we just break up (not because i wanted to, i just wanted to see how she felt) and she said i dont care its up to u, i was like u wuldnt care? n she said to be honest no. i was like whoa! then she said that its ove she dosnt love me no more and that she never wanted to see me and things for the past couple of months, she sees no future with me and shes actually got to the point where she was sick of me because of fighting,

 

3 weeks have went by and i talk to her bestfriend and she has said she has never been happier, she is always smiling now and that shes moved on, i even spoke to her to ask if she was missing me and 3 times ive been told no sry,, i dnt no how you can be soo in love with someone and come out of a relationship and feel relif and not greive atall, i treated her soo well and she loved me soo soo much,

 

the question im asking is, is this relief and happiness permanant?

 

she has a bestfriend that shes really close to and thats it, all her other friends are distant and just really ppl she would see about, i dont no how she could be so happy with just her friend now, and freedom,her hole life was me, we seen eachother every night up until the last 4months, i was her whole world, and now i mean nothing to her,

 

 

 

its hard to explain this situation, but im just hoping that she will have regrets so we could get back together sumtime,

[xprincessbugx]

Maybe she just feels like she doesn't owe anything to you. It sounds like she got over you a long time ago when she took that break and just wanted to see if she was happier on her own or if she really needed you. She might have just gotten back with you to make you feel better for awhile and decided she really was miserable. Who knows but her, but I'd say don't talk to her and just leave her alone and move on.

[bobo85]

I know you don't wanna hear this but people change. It happens and there is nothing we can do about it. The reason she wanted the break was not because she was stressed, pressured, etc. She lied about that. She wanted a break because she was having doubts in the relationship and wanted to see what life was like without you. Believe me it may have seemed like she just stopped loving you overnight, but she slowly lost interest as time went on. She checked herself out of the relationship when she asked for the break and was moving on during that time. She may have gotten back together with you just because to see if you guys could give it another shot. The reason why she didn't end it with you earlier was because she was a coward. She may have said she didnt want to hurt you...which is somewhat true. But she wanted you to do the dirty work so she didn't come off looking like the bad guy.

 

Believe me, you don't want a girl like this. She strung you along for the past few months. Thats just not fair. She was not being honest with you. She kept telling you half truths and not FULL truths. Do NC right away and don't even look back.

[bobo85]

here is a quote that makes so much sense:

 

 

"We are not the same persons this year as last; nor are those we love. It is a happy chance if we, changing, continue to love a changed person."

 

- W. Somerset Maugham

[ryan1987]

so use are saying shes not gona be hit by this later on, a few months down the road, she had always been honest with me, and her mum told me the same reasons she did, so i dont think she lied, her mum and i were really close so she would not lie either.

 

 

so thats it, i just leave ?

[xprincessbugx]

that's it, just learn from this experience and move on!

[ryan1987]

do you think there is a chance she will begin to miss me and greive if i go nc, i mean we were really in love, and as of yet she aint been down or sad about it, culd this be like the honeymoon stage of a break up for sum ppl? because there is a lil bit of pressure and things lifted

[Movin on up]

the best thing you can do is give it a break meaning NO CONTACT. I'm sorry but what i see is that you or you both were too needy. you kept up the pressure when she needed space . Don't feel like you're alone because I was there too & I'll bet there are alot of others on here that have done it too. I wouldn't put too much stock into what her friends say either. it could just be a game they are playing go no contact with her friends too. You need to take a few steps back get yourself together & let her be. I'm sorry but it is your only chance. If you step back far enough maybe she'll take a few steps closer. you have to maintain NC until SHe is ready to come back fully. If it happens great!! But in the meantime you have to be prepared that she won't come back. If that happens you'll already be on your way to moving on. Sorry I didn't have the answer you were looking for but I hope I helped in some way. Take Care of yourself

[JonnyG]

Like others have said, the first break sounded like she already had changed her thoughts on you. She tried time without u to see how things went and by the looks of it unfortunately she seemed ok without u. Now the break ups happened.

 

The best thing u can do is NC right now. Obviously contacting her isnt working and she is now sounding dam right rude/insulting to u when u tried to talk to her.

 

Give it some NC, a couple of months, see if things change. She cant miss u if your always there, and unfortunately she is obviously not wanting u right now. Each time u try to contact her and u have these fights she is probably adding it to a list of reasons of "Why it was a good idea to break up with him". Dont let her add anymore reasons. Leave her be for a couple of months and see what happens. Hopefully she will start thinking about yourself and the good times u had together. Then who knows, she may contact u back because she does miss u.

 

GL.

[ryan1987]

thanks very much that is comforting advice. i really hop things work out that way, i have devised a NC calendar with 60 boxes, so im planning on doing to months of strict nc, and see if she contacts me.

[RANKANDFILE]

bobo, will you email...need a bit of advice.

[GottaLetItBurn]

I know that feeling you have described about how she made you feel distand to the point of like you weren't friends anymore. That hurts I know.

 

The things I did different then you is I stopped calling completely which was killing me, but I'm 8 months later. I knew she was talking to her ex from the past, and no matter what I did she wouldn't change. So I let that go, and I won't let her have the satisfaction of confirming that I'm not the one. Even if she thinks that, she is the one who calls me every once in the while out of the blue. Then I just act like I don't care and don't do anything to act happy.

 

If I were you I would just ignore her, and never get excited when she calls. That will let her think that she isn't worth fighting over and make her wonder why. If you try and get to what she is feeling, it will smother her until she is sick of you.

 

She left because you might have been trying to see her too much, and it's like too much of anything can make you sick. It's not your fault, just got to dust it off and move on. If you are holding onto her still, don't give in and call her. Let he wonder what could have been, and if she doesn't care then don't waste your time on her. Let her be the one with the cold heart that left.

[GottaLetItBurn]

so use are saying shes not gona be hit by this later on, a few months down the road, she had always been honest with me, and her mum told me the same reasons she did, so i dont think she lied, her mum and i were really close so she would not lie either.

 

 

so thats it, i just leave ?

 

 

DUde I know it's just so unbelievable how you can share your life and be so close to another girl and then they "just don't feel the same" and abandoned you. It happened to me, and I feel a lot of resentment and anger towards her. I never let her know about it, and never told anyone that could let my feelings get back to her. Don't let her see you cry, and don't get excited if she doesn call to check up.

 

To grow and move on you MUST ignore her, and if she doesn't run into just act like she is nobody. Like an annoying person you just want to say "ok got to go see ya" to. If you let her know how much you miss her it will just reassure her you are no challange and are so easy.

 

Just heal, focus on healing. You must learn that people are going to come in and out of your life but your still here. Try not to wonder where she is and what she is doing, because her life isn't any better than yours or worth more.

 

You will get over her it will take a long time though.

[ryan1987]

i just broke nc last night, i never drink alcohol but last night i did, to run away from my problems, only to find more awaiting me today, i phoned her twice at 2am, ans smsd her twice, i didnt get a reply and the phone was not picked up. prob becuz she was sleeping, in the msg i said, i no im only txtn you because my friends put you in my head, will ya phone me so we can have one last chat,

 

then i txt ok my mistake, was so stupid i jus need her back guys, im in real pain emotionally and physically, ive had a chest pain for a couple of days.

[sukerbut]

hey bud your 18 you will experience so many more meanigfull realtionships..no worries grieve and let go! she aint worth your time

[Daddy Bear]

Take one's adversity

Learn from their misfortune

Learn from their pain

Believe in something

Believe in yourself

Turn adversity into ambition

Now blossom into wealth

-Tupac Shakur

[dishrag]

"i don't know how you can be soo in love with someone and come out of a relationship and feel relief and not greive at all"

 

Yep! I ask myself that every day. Married for 9 years and she just doesn't care, doesn't act like she cares, and is completely engulfed with herself. She's selfish and no one is going to change her. She might be making a mistake but it's a mistake she thinks is worth making. She just wants a different life. The relationship reminds her of the past. Without me, she gets to dream about the future. I don't understand it just as much as you don't understand it.

 

Take this time to self-reflect on the person you are and change you. Be a better you. A better you makes a better mate.

[ryan1987]

"i don't know how you can be soo in love with someone and come out of a relationship and feel relief and not greive at all"

 

Yep! I ask myself that every day. Married for 9 years and she just doesn't care, doesn't act like she cares, and is completely engulfed with herself. She's selfish and no one is going to change her. She might be making a mistake but it's a mistake she thinks is worth making. She just wants a different life. The relationship reminds her of the past. Without me, she gets to dream about the future. I don't understand it just as much as you don't understand it.

 

Take this time to self-reflect on the person you are and change you. Be a better you. A better you makes a better mate.

 

how longs that been since your marrige fell? its been 3weeks 6 days since my break now, but only 5th day of nc, an as of yet i have not heard anything, i was speaking to another friend of hers today and my ex told her we were just on a break, which was extremly weird, i am really beginning to realise that my ex is extremly undecisive, she and i went out before, for 2 days, got dumped, week later went out again for 3 weeks, then got dumped again, 2months later we got back together until now, i have faith that she will get bored of just being with her bestfriend all the time, and the exam pressure that was on will disappear leaving more space for me, then mabye we will get together again, that stage will be 2months away, but im thinking better to wait and see whats gona happen than move on with my life and never known what could of been,

[dishrag]

Thanks for the reply. She walked out the end of January with the clothes on her back. Pajamas, literally. She didn't even come back to the house for clothes for a week. While she was gone, she just drove from hotel to hotel in another state, crying.

 

I did NC for 2 weeks but it was not a good idea. We need to settle on support and property, so I had to talk to her to get a separation agreement to protect each other's assets and credit. Since then, we have talked and it's mostly been business about separating assets. However, I try to discuss the relationship and she just shuts me down, blames me for things in the past. "You never let me get a dog!" I ask her if she is getting a dog, because her apartment allows it, but she says she has no time and energy to own a dog. This was the same reason I gave a year ago when she said she wanted one, but still blames me for it.

 

Mine was extremely indecisive about separating. She wanted to leave, but wanted to leave to be alone, but then ended up sleeping with a guy from work who I've been suspicious of since the end of '04. She wants a great future filled with dreams, but that isn't going to happen if she keeps making poor decisions.

 

She has NOT tried to get back together with me but sends me emails and leaves voice messages hoping I'm doing OK. I'm not. But, I've moved on. There has to come a point in time where she angers you to the point where you are angry with yourself for holding on. You will reach that point if she keeps messing with your emotions by breaking up with you multilple times and you will not take her back again, if it comes to that. I will never take my ex back because of her sleeping with someone else. That is the ultimate betrayal in the face of a lie that she just wanted to be "alone."

[ryan1987]

WOW, man thats deep, my girl aint the type to even kiss another guy, shes just really cautious about other men, (i think) she wuldnt kiss me until we were together, i broke the 6th day of nc today simply because she passed her music exam an i wanted to say im proud of her, i got three replys back promptly, i didnt reply to the third, another reason i emailed her is cause a friend said, she thought it was really sweet of you to send an email to wish her luck for the exam, she said if he was more like that things could be diffrent. (i sent that email like 3 days after we broke up)

 

so is there no chance of you and your wife getting back together? how did she feel when she left you, as you can see mine has been happy and stress free which is unusal i think, alough i seen a topic where a dumper felt like a complete wreck about her actions 4months after the dumping, im hoping that will hapen, once my exs exams are over, she gets bored of seeing her bestfriend errynight, and she has a bit of time to her self,, only then ill no what to do.