What really is no NC?

[jumper]

How do you know if your not the victim of a rebound relationship? My ex was in a 6 month relationship two months before we started dating. We basically lived together for 4 months and were together 5. She talked about having a child with me and getting married again?

Also, what is NC really. If the dumper contacts you in 2 weeks, what do you do? I have heard everything from ignore all calls, emails, etc, to reply and talk only briefly and about neutral things??? I have also read that if she does establish contact, dont bring up the past relationship, just be civil. Where as some people say, that unless the dumper leaves a message that they are sorry and really want to work things out again, dont return the call????

[Belgian girl]

this is not a complete answer (also not a lot of time now, I'm sorry!), hope someone else will complete it (I do also don't know all the answers)..

But I guess about that last part: the dumper often feels / want to feel having it all in their hands, being able to manipulate and decide,.. so maybe better not to react to soon when they let hear soms 'signs of life' and maybe they're just confused or lonely when they start saying something. Personaly, I would ignore it, because I think it shouldn't be reacted badly when they show initiative..

All the best!

[heloladies21]

I personally don't believe in rebound relationships because any relationship has the potential to become something serious no matter what happened right before it. It all depends how the interactions go.

 

As for the No Contact and what to do now, it depends on your specific situation.

[jumper]

As for the quick situation. She basically dumped me on a Thursday. One week later on a Sunday, I went to her place and we talked for three hours. She basically said that we lost our friendship and that we needed to regain that back. We actually made out a bit and laughed. We agreed to be friends. The next morning, I show up at her door with breakfast in hand for her and her son while she was still asleep. She said she didnt want to talk and that she was tired. I told her I would stop by at lunch and she advised me not to. I stopped by anyway (I know I know). She started getting frustrated. I sent her three emails that day explaining how upset I was about the past weekend (basically she went down to visit her son's father and made out with him). This pushed her more away and then said, she didn't think we would ever have a chance to work out again. I told her I would give her space and she could call me when she wanted to talk.

[Belgian girl]

I think NC is a good option in your situation.. don't continue making the fault (we almost all have made) not to stop show our emotions and to keep following them.. it usually makes it worser. But at the other hand, I think it's good when everything is clear for her (reasons, explanation,..) so you could be sure there hasn't been any confusion for her to make that decision. When you keep walking to someone, following that person,.. he/she doesn't even get the chance to miss you

[jumper]

Ok, well, I guess there really is no straight answer. If she contacts me within a couple of weeks (I really think she will) I think I will wait a few hours or maybee a day and just give a simple and quick response. I need some opinions on this one. If the dumper calls within a month, just ignore all calls and text messages or not? I mean I have heard everything from wait at least a month, to play it by ear. I just dont think a couple of weeks is enough time to really reflect on things. Especially if she is talking to another guy whom she says is coming up to stay the weekend with her and her son.

[kadvati79]

First piece of advice I can give... it's not a game. If you start thinking its a game you are doomed. But the "rules" of your association with her have changed, and that requires a change in behaviour. When you were with her, you were part of her life. Now she has said she doesn't want you to be part of her life like that at the moment. Some may say that comment is simply to ease her guilt at dumping you, although I think when people say that they usually mean it... but in the coming weeks the dumpee usually gives the dumper cause to think "thank god I dumped that weirdo stalker!". Don't be one of those people

 

You cannot let emotion creep into your conversations with her. You are not allowed to do that any more. Until you can handle controlling your emotions you go "No Contact". You can choose to answer her if she contacts you, but the rule should be followed until you can control your emotions. Later you need to decide if you really want to contact her anyway. I mean, it will get in the way of you healing. I think after an event as serious as a breakup, couples need at least a couple of months to repair and get their thinking straight.

 

Read this thread, its fantastic...

 

And good luck.

[jumper]

Wow, that really answers the majority of my question. So I guess I could briefly talk to her if and when she calls, but I will leave it short and not let my emotions get a hold of me.

Thanks