advice needed

[sukerbut]

Ok so next month i am going to my cousin's party .. its a going a way party with a beach theme...now i know the blood sucking vampire will be there maybe with ehr new man..not sure of this...i am dating as well do i go solo...or do i go with my new girl..and the plus factor is that she has not seen me in 7 months .. and since its a beach part i will be scantily dressed....tank top , shorts...like i have told you guys i have been working real hard in the gym and look nothing liek the shlep she dumped..you think its going to piss her off a little..not regret..but piss her off that i am back on my feet looking great...oh by the way i did send the letter..i know not a good idea but i figured i have done so much to push her away what a little nudge over the edge..haha

[BellaDonna]

Why would she be at your cousin's party? Since it's a month away, can you ask your cousin not to invite her? Blood should be thicker than water......

 

If you do go- definitly bring your new girlfriend.

 

 

BellaDonna

[sukerbut]

im looking forward to showing off my new physique..that entire crew has not seen me in 6 months ... trust me i think its goinfg to be a good thing..since that entire circle knows how much pain she put me threw, this for me will be like a moral victory..like hey look at me now...been training for 12 + years and this is the best i have ever looked...finacially sound, good looking , in shape i just hope it does not blow up in ym face lol..oh and there is now way she would not be there..my cousin dates her cousin...

[NJRon]

The only thing i can see about it blowing up in your face is if you act like it's a big deal. like you are showing off. Just go with your girl if you have one then... or solo if you don't. Be yourself, enjoy the party and don't put any effort into showing off... she'll see through that in an instant.

[sukerbut]

you know what it is ron..i have done alot of damage in teh poast coupel of months...so when i go there i do not think i will ewven talk to her .. maybe a hi and bye but thats about it...plus it would not be fair to my new girl..also i want her to see that wow even if this guy did make a complete fool of himself to me..he really has his act together and looks like he is doing well. make her think a little. i am a strong dude emotionally and physically but she has always been my kryptonite...ill let you guys know what happens

[BellaDonna]

Sorry sukerbut, but I have to be honest, if you still CARE about what she thinks of you, and look forward to seeing her at this party and "pissing her off"....or saying

 

hey look at me now

 

if you still have all this anger....and something to prove to her, enough to be plotting it a month in advance.......then you are not truly over her yet. I don't think seeing her at this party will be a good thing for your emotional well-being at all.

 

If you insist on going, then I agree with NJ Ron's advice.

 

 

 

BellaDonna

[Spawn]

I have seen your physique (ol pic in your avatar) and you really look good. But showing it off is not the right way to carry yourself. Your ex is no more in your life, she or anyone else doesn't need to be impressed. With that kinda shape you are bound to get some amount of attention.

 

Just be humble and kind to everyone, its a party so just enjoy it to the full.

 

Take your girlfriend too i am sure she will love it.

 

and make loads of friends.....stay clear of too much alcohol.

 

can you not ask your cousin not invite your ex?

[kellbell]

Sorry Peter,

 

I am with Bella on this one. If you still feel this way, even have negative feelings about your ex, you are still hung up on her. All of your intentions for this party shows me you are still not over her. If you were, you would not give a hoot about how you look to her, what she is doing, whom she is with, or whom you are taking to the party.

 

If I were you, I would ask your cousin not to invite her. How is she linked to your family?

[sukerbut]

of course i am not over her guys .. you allknow this you read that stupid letter i sent....i am not going over there to piss her off...nor am i going to go there to check up on her..i am goign there so i can have a good time and show every body that i am doing ok and that i am back..in terms of my personality and confidence..there is no way she is not going to be there..my cousin dates her cousin they are all very tight...i might bring some friends with me as well as my girl...i swear to all i am not going there for qany other intentions aside from the ones i have stated..but no i am not over her and i will not be over her for a long time..this i have come to accept . plus i have no ill will towards her..i try but i cant..the only thing i have for her is love..but that will slowly subside with time.

[ElektraHere]

I tend to agree with the others. If you go in preening like a peacock you will look more like an * * * then someone who has their sh!t together.

 

If you bring your new girl you may leave without her. Why you ask? If she sees you acting like a cocky guy and "sticking it" to your ex she will see you are NOT over the ex yet. A little hint for you girls, ladies, women, whathaveyou DO NOT think a "look at me" guy is attractive. We tend to think "what a jerk, he really must have a low self esteem to have to project himself like that."

 

Why would your cousin invite the ex? Does he not realize how hard this breakup has been for you? I would talk with him and tell him not to invite her or uninvite her. It will be the best thing you can do for yourself.

[BellaDonna]

plus i have no ill will towards her

 

I'm a skeptic..... maybe if you did not already call her a "blood sucking vampire" in this same thread, I would believe you.... lol

 

I also see other contradictions......

 

i am not going over there to piss her off

 

like i have told you guys i have been working real hard in the gym and look nothing liek the shlep she dumped..you think its going to piss her off a little..not regret..but piss her off that i am back on my feet looking great

 

 

erg.....

 

 

Well, regardless I hope the party goes well. if nothing else, be sure to take your new GF.

 

 

BellaDonna

[kellbell]

Ok, if she is going to be there I would do either...

 

A. Ignore her and have fun with your friends and catch up on things.

 

B. Bring someone and have fun with her

 

C. Be humble if/when she approaches you and excuse yourself quickly and cordially.

 

There is no need to show off and made a fool of yourself. Let me tell you, I come accross guys at the gym whom show off and it is a COMPLETE TURN OFF for me and I can see right through that act. I prefer a confident and humble man over a cocky show-off any day.

[sukerbut]

i think you have misunderstood me all...i am not as show off..i m not going there huffing and puffing with my chest sticking out...its a beach party i will be wearing a tank top..that the only hey look at me now is what i am talkign about...i am a very humble person..all i am saying in terms of lookat me now is that i am confident again, in shape and loving life..which i am..ok you will read my next post after the party..thank you for all your replies..and bella ..there is a fine line between love nad hate..its hard not too confuse the two at times. but the enbd result is love ... blood sucking vampire is my pet name to her lol

[ElektraHere]

Then love life and dont worry what the ex has to say or think. I feel for the new girl your dating. I hope you are honest with her (the new gal) and tell her that there is not a chance that you can open your heart to her right now. Be fair to the new girl think of her feelings and not those of your ex.

[sukerbut]

she s cool..we have talked about the ex many times ... hers and mine..she is well aware of the situation and she knows how much i love her..she also knows that she ripped my heart out three times...i dont like leading people on. ok got to go now have a good one y'all

[LEFEM24]

Suker, I think you're fooling yourself here. You have admitted your EX is the reason you got is such GREAT shape and it sounds like you're "plotting" the outcome of this encounter. You are predicting that your ex will be "pissed" at your new confidence. LOL...What if she doesn't even LOOK at you? So, you look good? Looking good and in shape is NOT going to all of a sudden make her regret breaking up with you. Great looking , in shape people are a dime a dozen. She obviously broke up with you for a reason, and I am SURE your physique is NOT the reason. I think your best bet is to decline this party invitiation until you are REALLY over your ex, and her reactions don't mean squat.

That said, congrats on the new body

[acb_22]

On another note ... did she ever respond or acknowledge your letter?

[AwdreeHpburn]

sukerbut, aside from everything else being said here, I just want to say that I think what you ARE feeling, based on things you've typed here, is totally normal.

 

Of course you want her to see what you look like now. You're proud of it and want her to see what she's missing. And of course you want to show it off. I don't blame you, just caution you.

 

Of course you want to piss her off and hurt her feelings because that's how you feel. I don't think there is anything wrong with FEELING these things. But you first have to acknowledge that those feelings are there and its OK that they are.

 

Then maybe you can go to the party knowing where you stand and why you're acting the way you are.

 

In reality, when you get there and you see her, also clad in beach clothes, like a bikini or etc. with her new bf, you might actually get nervous or angry.

 

Don't try to deny how you really feel. You will end up making a fool of yourself when your intentions are good and you're not foolish.

 

Best of luck dude. "keep it real"

 

 

-T

[sukerbut]

no she did not respond but i was not excpecting one..and T you are are absolutly correct in what you are saying, but i have to face the music evntually..its not like we ar enot going to run into each other in the summer...minus well do it here at a party were i will have some friewnds as back up..and believe me..i know i am goignt o feel like crap when i see her, but i will not speak to her..maybe a hi or bye...plus with all teh attention i will be gettign from my old friends that i have not seen in a long while since the break up it hink will help me in terms of feeling good. and dam it i doint care what any of you say..i worked dam hard to achieve my goal....and i want to show it off. i disagree with you all but if i saw one of my exes and they looked real nice..i personally would be pretty impressed. all that hard work was done for me, but initiated by her...so thats the end of it..going to the party , have a great time..and really will not give a dam what she thinks or doe snot think...! its always going to be her loss! i look good i feel good and you know what i just dont giuve a dam anymore..im not going there for her im going there for me@!@

[AwdreeHpburn]

good for you!! Don't be ashamed that you're proud of yourself dude!!

 

I think everyone here is concerned that you'll accross as getting caught up in a show for your ex. And I think when you're actually there, things will work out.

 

Good luck and have fun!

[LEFEM24]

Sukerbut, you posted here for advice and are now angry because we gave you our honest opinions that did not neccessarily agree with yours. These are OBJECTIVE opinions. You claim you got in shape for yourself but because of her. You claim you're going to this party simply to enjoy yourself....so then why did you bother posting about her being there?? Were you hoping one of us would encourage you to flex your muscles in front of her? What did you want us to say?

 

I say congrats on getting in shape and looking better, but why don't you flaunt it in front of someone who actually cares and wants to see it??

[sukerbut]

first of all lefem i am not angry..actually i am very idiffrent..all i asked was if is hould bring my girl..and if one of you saw an ex that used to be heavy and then saw them again how would you feeel..i did not ask anything else..plus i have been talkign to mostly the people that have followed my story ... i appreciate your advice and i am not angry at what you are saying..but you really have not read my enite ordeal...so in essense you dont really hve a clue as to the circumstances of why things happened. maybe pissedd of was the wrong word to use in the opening thread, pluys i am not a fool i know becasue i shaped up she is going to be like wow suker looks good and i want him back...i mean i know this already..plus i am not going there with my speedo to put on a bodybuilding show..i just want to show that although i am torn ..and she knows this(since she has done this 3 times already to me after i have treated her with nothing but love and respect) becasue we talked about marriage many times , that not only did i over coem this but i became better becasue of it..thats all. not looking for revenge, just input if i should bring my girl or go with frineds

[acb_22]

Have you asked your 'new girl' how she would feel at this family party ... where your ex was going to be present?? She may not feel comfortable, knowing your history ... which would make the decision to bring her or not moot.

[sukerbut]

well this time i will take the face slapping wake up calls you all have given me..there are many things i have regretted doing since the break up..especially not implementing no contact...so i will no regrett this descision this time..i have decided its in my best interest not to go to the party.(thanks to you all which i know are right) ..even though its my cousin its her crew of friends..i do not need to be there...especially after sending that letter..i am going to look pathetick...its goign to look like i am chasing her...oh by the way look at me now , new girl new body..who the F cares..all i will be doing is setting myself up for more aggrevation. think befroe you react you knumb nut..i have always said that and yet i have never followed through since my mom used to drop me a lot on my head.lol if i had implemented no contact from day one and left it on good terms like we were then maybe just maybe it would be ok to go..but since i have totally made a spectacle of myself to her...probably not a wise descision to go....thnaks all...thats why i posted .. casue i knew you would be all there for me. even though you guys are bitter since the jets are going to win the superbowl this year....i think i have a better chance of winning the lotto and winnign my ex back before that happens lol ..ok case closed no party..not a good move i agree..and yes i am not even close to being over her..and yes it would be unwise to use my current girl as bait...ok got to go now and smoke my 200th cig of the day

[BellaDonna]

sukerbut,

 

I think that is a very wise decision (not the 200th cigarette , but the decision not to go to party). I think that is the best thing you can do right now.

 

Instead of going to the party that day, do something nice/fun for yourself.

 

even though you guys are bitter since the jets are going to win the superbowl this year

 

Careful there.....I'm hoping my beloved Patriots will make a comeback.

 

 

BellaDonna