Seems to like me but mentions another guy?

[NewPhillyGuy]

My preference is to just bail out fast on situations like this, but I feel pretty confused on this one so wanted to see what you all thought.

 

I met this girl a few weeks ago and we've been talking a good amount. We seem to click pretty well, want similar things, and always have alot of fun. She seems really into me, flirts alot, so I've been thinking it's time to make a move. However - we were talking on the phone last night, and out of nowhere, she brings up that her friend knows this "really cute guy" that needs a date to something and asked her to go with this guy. I was totally thrown off, and I guess I didn't want her to see that she got to me, so I said, "yeah, you should go with him." She said, "yeah, maybe I will." I just changed the subject. She started asking me alot of questions about me...what I do for fun, kind of dates I like, am I romantic - ???

 

She msged me this morning and just said Happy Easter can I call you tonight? I was like yeah sure, but I'm wondering what is this chick up to? I first thought maybe I got friendzoned, but seems highly unlikely considering how she flirts with me. The other thing I thought was maybe she's trying to make me jealous and push me into making a move, but still that's not cool in my book.

 

I have a couple things in mind I might want to do. One - I will just say screw it if this is a game, not answer when she calls, and just forget about her. Two - I could confront her about it, but I don't want to come off as jealous to a girl that I've only been talking to for a short amount of time. Three - I suppose I could ignore the comment, ride it out, and see what happens, but I'd rather not waste my time really.

 

What do you guys think?

[Massari]

Phill

 

I say go out with her again..see what is she up to. if she brings the boy again confront her, and say " so are you going out with him or me" something like that. it won't be jealosy or anything. cause as a guy I hate the though of the girl that I am seeing see other ppl at the same time and thats a NORMAL reaction for any NORMAL straigh guy!

 

keep us updated

[tylercdurden2004]

Shes keeping you at bay. Trying to see what your reaction is. I would not call her I would go out and date other girls, if anything she may decide that you are the one she wants to be with and she will make a move towards you. Hanging out by the phone so that she can call you is probably the worst thing to do now. She will always see you as the "fallback guy".

[DN]

The other thing I thought was maybe she's trying to make me jealous and push me into making a move, but still that's not cool in my book

 

I think this is likely. If it is a deal breaker for you then just walk away but if you decide it's not that big an issue then just ask her out. I would say 'but I don't go out with someone whose dating someone else, so if you want to see this other guy then I would prefer you didn't go out with me as well as him".

[Daddy Bear]

this has happened to me a couple times. my sense was that the girls weren't so much deliberately trying to MAKE me jealous as they were wanting to get my reaction and see if i WAS.

[NewPhillyGuy]

I thought about this some more, and I'm gonna put another spin on it.

 

Considering that I don't really know this girl too well, I'm not looking to jump into anything with her obviously. I see nothing wrong with going on dates with different people, and if something happens to click with someone, I would put my energy into that person and see where it goes and stop seeing others. I don't expect her to fall into me so quick either, and I wouldn't think it wrong of her to see others, because how else can she compare and say OK he's what I want or not, you know?

 

I guess what really bothered me was her actually telling me. I don't go to girls I'm potentially interested in and say, "oh yeah, I met this really hot girl the other night and we might be going out." Who would want to hear that?? I'm not sure what she was trying to say. If she was trying to say I don't wanna be tied down just yet, she coulda just said just that and I would've been cool with it. If after some time it didn't seem to go anywhere, we'd move on - no big deal.

 

Does this make any sense? I'm wondering if I should tell her this or no.

[tylercdurden2004]

Then ask yourself why you wouldnt tell her about another hot girl. You will find your answer there.

[NewPhillyGuy]

Then ask yourself why you wouldnt tell her about another hot girl. You will find your answer there.

I wouldn't tell her because I think it just doesn't make any sense if I want to keep her attention. I don't get why else should would tell me unless she was trying to make me jealous or she thinks I'm a total toolbox who would actually put up with such rude behavior. Who the hell would? I don't think that's the case though. She doesn't seem like a flakey person.

[tylercdurden2004]

I wouldn't tell her because I think it just doesn't make any sense if I want to keep her attention. I don't get why else should would tell me unless she was trying to make me jealous or she thinks I'm a total toolbox who would actually put up with such rude behavior. Who the hell would? I don't think that's the case though. She doesn't seem like a flakey person.

 

She is making it clear she doesnt want to keep your attention. And your dead on it is very disrepectful behaviour. That would be a deal breaker for me. Not the fact that she finds another guy hot, but the fact that she felt the need to mention it. I personally would say adios and look elsewhere.

[Daddy Bear]

dude, if she was that interested in this "other guy" then she wouldn't have brought it up to you, she would have just gone for it. and if you weren't interested in her you wouldn't be talking about this on enotalone. it may not have been the most brilliant strategy for her to say what she said, but i say don't throw the baby out with the bath, just tell her you don't like to hear things like that and give her another chance.

[NewPhillyGuy]

Hmm...Interesting that there are very different opinions about this. I actually had another girl do this to me a few months ago and I kicked her to the curb. Oddly enough, after ignoring her for a few weeks, she got really desperate and that was even more of a turn off for me, so I finally told her to screw off and she got it.

 

I'm not exactly sure what's going on here, but I'm gonna ride it out a little more and see what turns up. Thanks for all your input fellas.

 

I'd like to hear what a woman has to say. Where's my Annie when I need her?

[DN]

If this has happened to you twice maybe you need to look at whether you should be asking girls out a little earlier than you are at present.

[tylercdurden2004]

dude, if she was that interested in this "other guy" then she wouldn't have brought it up to you, she would have just gone for it. and if you weren't interested in her you wouldn't be talking about this on enotalone. it may not have been the most brilliant strategy for her to say what she said, but i say don't throw the baby out with the bath, just tell her you don't like to hear things like that and give her another chance.

 

Agreed! Shes definitely interested. Now Philly you just have to find out what she is interested in and if its the same thing your interested in.

[NewPhillyGuy]

My cell phone just rang and I hear this computer talking when I picked up. It says it's a Sprint text to voice message from her. It said happy easter hope you had a good day. Haven't responded yet.

[tylercdurden2004]

My cell phone just rang and I hear this computer talking when I picked up. It says it's a Sprint text to voice message from her. It said happy easter hope you had a good day. Haven't responded yet.

 

So what do you wanna do then?

[NewPhillyGuy]

I just txted her and said happy easter, hope you had a good day, blah, blah. She's supposed to call me tonight, and I'll ask her out for next weekend. Looks like I'm gonna have to seriously bring some game to this.

[NewPhillyGuy]

Another interesting update...

 

She told me this morning she was gonna call me tonight. I went to lay down for a while, and just came back to my computer to chat with people and she left me an IM: "Give me a call later if you want."

 

Sounds like someone is shy, yeah? I'm thinking I'm NOT gonna call her just to shake her up a bit.

[DN]

Another interesting update...

 

She told me this morning she was gonna call me tonight. I went to lay down for a while, and just came back to my computer to chat with people and she left me an IM: "Give me a call later if you want."

 

Sounds like someone is shy, yeah? I'm thinking I'm NOT gonna call her just to shake her up a bit.

 

Um - too much like games playing for me. Why not just cut to the chase and ask her out?

[NewPhillyGuy]

Um - too much like games playing for me. Why not just cut to the chase and ask her out?

 

Yeah, I guess you're right. Aight, let's see how this goes...

[ves]

However - we were talking on the phone last night, and out of nowhere, she brings up that her friend knows this "really cute guy" that needs a date to something and asked her to go with this guy. I was totally thrown off, and I guess I didn't want her to see that she got to me, so I said, "yeah, you should go with him." She said, "yeah, maybe I will."

Her friend knows someone who wants someone to go with him to an event. That's not a date. The guy didn't even ask her out, her friend did - her friend was asking her to be a wingwoman. Maybe she hasn't even met this guy yet.

 

I think she was testing the waters to see how you reacted to her going out with another guy. And your "you should go" was not a good reaction! You basically told her that you don't care about her enough to want her to date you. At this point, you haven't even made a move on her, so she probably considers you a friend with potential. Why should she turn down a chance to go out and have fun (even if she's not interested in this guy)? She shouldn't, not until you two are actually dating.

 

First you want her to be available, but not too available or she's desperate like the other girl. A little hypocritical I think!

[DN]

How did it go?

[NewPhillyGuy]

Ves, I see your point, but I'm curious about how would you have reacted to that? What would you have said to her in response?

 

So anyway, I called her last night, got her VM, and left her a msg - "Hey, what's going on? I'd like to take you out next Sunday. Call me." She calls back and we spoke for about 20 minutes. It was a good time. Talking with her is fun and feels very natural. I was half awake, but this is pretty close to what the rest of the convo went like...

 

Toward the end she says, "So are we going out this week?"

 

Me - "Yes, I left you a msg about Sunday. Did you get it?"

 

Her - "Yup - so what do you want to do?"

 

Me - "I'm thinking we'll go out to eat and do something fun afterwards...like go to the KOP mall (we both love it) or mini-golfing like we talked about the other day. How does that sound?"

 

Her - "Sounds good, but I'll let you know what I'm doing this weekend. I might go to that formal in NY. I might be back by Sunday or I might not even go at all. I'm not sure yet, but I'd love to go out with you."

 

She starts out hinting that she wants to go out with me, and then she starts bringing the game on again lol. I'm pretty confused, but I think she's just playing hard and will prob wind up coming out with me. What do you guys think?

 

Another question - I'm not too sure about what to do about talking to her this week. Should I be calling her everynight like we have been or maybe lay low for a few days? I don't want to send her the msg that she has me. She told me she's going out with her friend tonight, so of course I thought lay off, but I know some girls appreciate a quick hello even if they're busy because it shows she's on your mind.

 

 

[Venturer]

Her - "Sounds good, but I'll let you know what I'm doing this weekend. I might go to that formal in NY. I might be back by Sunday or I might not even go at all. I'm not sure yet, but I'd love to go out with you."

 

 

Ah... sounds like she's trying to give herself a backup plan so she could wriggle out of this date at the last minute.

 

I would never agree to this. I would've said something like, "oh, are we making excuses now? tsk tsk... why don't we pick another day that we are both absolutely sure that we can go out. Let's do tuesday... can you make tuesday? Ok great... meet me at xxxx at 8 pm. See you then!" Then hang up!

 

No calling back to "confirm", no chance for her to say that "something came up and I can't make it" ... just go on the date. If you get stood up, so be it!

 

If she shows up however, you know you've played your cards right. From my personal experience, you MUST take a hard line with this. No exceptions.

 

Geez, why do women always try to give themselves a chance to wriggle themselves out of a date! That's so immature and stupid game playing! Ok ok... I'll hit the "submit reply" before I get myself too worked up about this

[NewPhillyGuy]

Ah... sounds like she's trying to give herself a backup plan so she could wriggle out of this date at the last minute.

 

You mean wriggle out of the date with me? I'm not so sure if I think that. That doesn't seem to jive with her asking me "so are we going out this week?" after I left her a msg about it. Even if she was still trying to decide what to do, I don't think she would have come out with it like that.

 

I don't intend on letting this fly for too long. I'm thinking if she doesn't have an answer by Wed, that's a sign of low interest. I will probably say at that point you need to let me know by Thursday or else I'm making other plans for the weekend. If it gets to that point, in my opinion, I shouldn't be going out with her in the first place because she's leading me on big time or just not sure.

 

She must know if she likes me or not. I'm thinking it's a black/white in a girl's mind - I like him and want to go out yes or no. I still think she's into me but is playing the game.

[Dating Coach]

Oh man...

 

I'll give you my take on this.

 

This broad would be dumped by me in a HEARTBEAT. You failed EVERY SINGLE test she provided. Some examples:

 

1) She tells you over the phone (why are you chatting with her on the phone anyway? Dates are for in person! Phone is friendzoned!) and over the phone she tells you about another guy that she is interested in.

 

For one, there should be no doubt at this point as far as where you two stand. If you had been clear by this point that you are interested and were dating, you wouldn't have to had gone through this test.

However she tested with with the story of another guy she is interested in, and you started off right by saying, "You should hook up with him" but you BLEW it by continuing the conversation and talking about when you guys will hang out again. I would have said what you said, but then told her, "Well, nice talking with you. Catch ya later." and left it at that, never talking to her again.

 

2) She tells you that she is going to call you. Then later she IM's you a message to call her.

 

Huh? Did I miss something here? And you CALL her?! She tested you yet again and you fail the test by actually calling her back! It makes you look like you have no life. She was supposed to call you, and if she didn't call, don't call her back, go out without her, let HER wonder what YOU were up to. She schedualed the call and she failed to deliver but shouldered the responsibility to you, andyou took the bait.

 

3) You ask her out, and then she says, "Sounds good, but I'll let you know what I'm doing this weekend. I might go to that formal in NY. I might be back by Sunday or I might not even go at all. I'm not sure yet, but I'd love to go out with you."

 

WHAT?! What kind of answer is that? I understand if maybe she had prior plans but what does she expect here? You to hang on to the plans for her until she decided whether or not she can go?

You asked her out and she gives a big MAYBE. The way to respond here without failing the test is:

 

"Well, that's too bad you have that going on, but no big deal. Maybe we'll talk sometime next week. Anyway, Jim's calling me right now so I'll catch ya later. Have fun and bring me a souvenire(sp?)."

 

That's not even to mention the fact that you left her a message, she got it, but never bothered to return the call? You had to call HER to confirm she even got the message?

 

Forget this broad. There is NO WAY in HELL she would ever get a date with me. I'd have ditched her flakey butt a long time ago. I hope you do the same.