*** what to do ***

[cky2006]

After 4 years in a relationship .... my ex broke things off .... she had her reasons .. at the time of course i was aganist them but now im sorta glad we have had this time apart ...its made me see things that i never did ...anyway, i followed the NC rule for 3wks until she finally contacted me.... the "reason" why she called me was to ask if i had one of her brothers dvds.... mind you i talk to her brother and if he was looking for it ... i believe he would ask.... then we cont. talking and she brought up that she is having some medical issues... after 3wks w/o talking shes going to call and ask about a dvd... i dont think so ... she obviously called to see if i would care about her problems.... well im going to be honset ... 3 weeks is not enough time for me atleast to lose love for someone that i was with for 4 years... i told her that i am here for her and her family... if they need anything i would be here no matter what... so a week went by and i cont w/ NC until yesterday.... my ex randomly texts me about PROOF from D-12 (if you dont know it was a rapper who got shot) she wrote to me ... "did you here about proof from d12?" ..... thats a conversation starter ... she left it with a question.... she knows i would probably be the first to here about it... on top of everything ... yesterday was her birthday.... i think she wrote that so i would basically have to reply and say happy birthday .... but i waited and called her later ... so we spoke again and were seeing how each other was and what not and got into convo. about her medical issues... she told she might have surgery next week ...i was in shock and told her im here for her ... then she wanted to know if we can keep in touch ... i told her i dont think so ... then she started crying ... i dont see her as a friend at this point of my life ... if i wanted her as a friend ... we would have stayed friends 4 years ago... not be in a serious plus a long term relationship.... i asked whats wrong although i knew ... she stayed quite... i had plans and i asked if i could call her later ... she then said she doesnt see a point ... like i said earlier ... 3 wks is not going to make me lose love for someone that i was with for 4 years.... i told her that i might have some thing that i need to get off my chest .....

 

so with that said ... I never called her last night due to me being a little under the influence .. so thats where im at now .. today... i want to tell her that i still have feelings for her and that i honsetly think that these little calls and text messages is meaning that shes thinking about me .. and maybe afraid that she might lose me ... i maybe wrong ... but i want to let her know how i feel.... i am willing to keep in touch to see where things might lead between us ... but if she doesnt want that .. then back to NC i go ... i dont want to put myself through that situation .... i cant be "just friends" .... i think shes also afraid about the medical issues and she knows she can come talk to me about that ... and she knows i will be there for her ... i can be cold hearted and not want anything to do with her .. but im not that kind of person.... weither or not she broke it off with me ...

 

i need advice .... on what i should do ... i know what i want to do ... but i would love some feedback ...

 

thanks in advanced

Will

 

if you need background info on how our relationship was search for my past posts - thanks

[DN]

You told her you would be there for her during the medical issues and i think you have to keep your word on that. But this will be tough for you because you have to make sure you don't talk about the relationship. Try to put your emotions on hold and do whatever she needs you to do until she has recovered from the surgery. You visit her, bring her what she needs, comfort her and most of all listen to her. She may be snappy or weepy or depressed, so help her as best you can.

 

Once she has recovered, then you can say to her that it is now time for you to go no contact as this has been very difficult for you and you need your own time to heal emotionally.

 

To do this will require a good deal of self-sacrifice and emotional discipline - especially to give her support without expecting anything in return. But it is the right thing to do.

[Bethany]

I think you have done everything you can, you have offered to be there if and when she needs you but quite rightly have said you don't think you can to be friends.

There is nothing more you can or should do. She dumped you afterall and you're not her BF anymore. Until she actually says the words like " I'm sorry, I want you back", you should stick to NC and continue to support her from afar.

It was her decision to end it, not yours so don't feel guilty. You WOULD have been at her side every step of the way if she hadn't dumped you and she knows this already.