I got to thinking...

[HellFrost666]

I met my girlfriend last July. Things started out far from normal for us, but now everything between us is fine. She even went home with me and met my whole family in January.

 

I got to thinking today during one of my zoned out times at work (mind wanders a lot...) about what it will be like when she moves in with me. No plans for this have been made yet. But it seems inevitable at this point. I can't see any reason why she wouldn't be living with me in the future. She practically lives here now. Her apartment is pretty much a storage unit where she sleeps once in a while and does her laundry.

 

I have only lived alone briefly. When I got to the US I lived by myself for about three months. Before then I lived with family, and since then I've lived with roomates. I have never lived with a signifigant other though. I hear so many people say that everything changes when you live together. So how true is this? When she eventually does move in here should I expect some mind boggling 180?

 

Just what's on my mind at the moment... Thanks in advance for offering any insight.

[ocrob]

It totally depends on you and your gf. I lived with my ex wife for 3 years before we got married and it was awsome. It completely depends on how you each like your everyday life. If one wants too much attention and wants to do things the other does not, then it can be a problem. It seems most people are agains living together before marriage, but I think it is a good thing. Your challenges will be when you get home from work or just the normal day to day things of living together. If you both like hanging out together and life does not get in the way, then it may be great. Good luck! By the way, living with my ex wife and gf at the time was great, but once we were married it was not. She was extremely close with her family and wanted me to go see them every weekend. That did not work for me and that is one reason we are divorced. Go for it and have fun.

 

ocrob

[HellFrost666]

She was extremely close with her family and wanted me to go see them every weekend. That did not work for me and that is one reason we are divorced.

ocrob

 

This probably is out of line, but now you got me curious. Did she do this before you got married too?

[Momene]

Most people adjust to it and it's not a great problem. The trouble is, girls put food in the fridge, so there's not much room for important stuff like beer.

 

They also like to decorate properties, whereas most blokes will wait until it needs doing, like when the paint starts falling off.

[HellFrost666]

Most people adjust to it and it's not a great problem. The trouble is, girls put food in the fridge, so there's not much room for important stuff like beer.

 

They also like to decorate properties, whereas most blokes will wait until it needs doing, like when the paint starts falling off.

 

Well, knowing her like I do I don't think either of those things will be a problem.

[ocrob]

Hellfrost,

 

When I started seeing my ex wife, I lived far away. Once we moved in together, we did see her family alot, but it just got worse once we were married. I actually liked her family and her grandfather was the one guy I could really relate with. It just got to be too much for me, but some people like it. Every weekend was a gathering at her parent house with about 8 relatives and friends. She talked to her sister and mom every night and it just got annoying for me, but everyone is different. I love my parent and probably talk to them more now than ever before, but they do not consume my life. My ex wanted to go to her parents every weekend and it just got really old. If I am with someone, then I want my own life with them. I think it is great, if a woman is close to her family. But, when it consumes theirr life and there is no wiggle room, then it gets old. lol If you are with someone that you love and they want to be with their family every weekend, then make sure that is what you want. Once you have kids and you significant other or wife needs to bring them by the parents everyweekend, then just decide if that works.

[Dating Coach]

What changed when you live together is that everything becomes "both of yours".

 

For example, my girlfriend stayed at my place about 5 or 6 nights a week. I always went to sleep with the tv on watching a movie. When we got a place together, suddenly the tv had to go off, or on mute because she has a hard time sleeping with the tv on. I asked her how she did it all of those other times and she said that it was just my place and she was a guest so she didn't have the right to request me to turn the tv off. Now that it is "our" place we had to compromise. If the tv is on, then it is muted and I have to watch it with subtitles.

 

Little things like that where you have to give and take, and you will butt heads. Your things are her things, and vice versa, so inevitably when there is a confict of interest there will be either a compromise, or a fight.

 

Strong relationships will become stronger when you move in together, whereas weaker ones will buckle under the pressure and either break, or make things miserable. Luckily, mine got only stronger. Good luck.

[HellFrost666]

Thanks for your advice Diggity, sorry I didn't notice it sooner. I haven't logged in a could days. What you said makes sense though.

[melrich]

Yes Diggity has given you some good advice there. Living together definitely does change the dynamic of a relationship. Personally i think it is a natural extension of a long term relationship and is probably a true test of how long term the relationship should be.

 

Just keep in mind that usually a lot more compromises (from both sides) are required and you guiys should try and work out what those compromises might be if you were to move in together.