Rebound

[Caterina]

My ex is going out with a girl who has always been very available to him that I am very sure he was not interested in. What does this mean? Is he trying to get over me? Does that mean he cared? The girl is falling for him...what does that mean?

[shes2smart]

Could be a convenience thing, could be he decided he likes her that way, could be any number of reasons. One thing all those reasons have in common is they don't matter.

 

Why?

 

Because he's your EX. What he's doing, who he's with, and why he's doing what he's doing are topics that are 1. none of your business anymore, and 2. not worth your time and energy thinking about and speculating over.

[kellbell]

Hi Catrina,

 

I was reading through some of your old posts and this is the reason why you are crying for two hours until your stomach hurts.

 

"Every day there is about two hours total where my stomache still hurts over it. I don't know why, but I assume the pain is from some sort of sadness."

 

You are worrying about your ex, what he is doing, and whom he is with. He is your ex, no need to fret about what he is doing. You are digging for pain. Focus on your life and what you need to do. The more you focus on your ex and his actions, the longer it is going to take to feel better.

 

I am sorry about your break-up. (((hugs)))

[danylion]

don't obsess over it, it has nothing to do with you I'm afraid. Tough I know but you need to think about YOUR next step to progress. Move on, he has.

[Caterina]

Its really difficult b/c I read his blog...I have been blogging every day for about three years and he's on mine...its only natural to check his on my list of friends. PLus, the break up was extremely unusual...I wasn't sure if he meant it but I NC'd it right away. Its been really hard...the hardest part is that my friends are really sick of hearing about it. I don't want to drive all my friends away with this talk b/c of that...but its so hard to be my usual, happy self after this. Its kind of like he died and I'm grieving...but...I saw him the other day, dancing...I wanted to talk to him and my friend steered me away. I keep speculating over whether or not she saved me or made it harder for me. I am just really confused...and I want to know what he is thinking...all of this is just patternistic cliche stuff for you, I'm sure. But its hard for me to see clearly, considering that its my life I'm dealing with. I can't deal objectively with my own life, just others. Its easy to see a problem from a distance, not when you are in the midst of it. I just need to hear more voices of reason...I appreciate this forum for that...I need emotional support and voices of reason...reason alone wont' be enough, though.

[kellbell]

"Its really difficult b/c I read his blog"

 

I would recommend you stop reading his blog. Again, you are digging for pain and it is hindering your recovery process.

"its only natural to check his on my list of friends."

 

Take him off. Look out for yourself for a change.

 

"I wanted to talk to him and my friend steered me away. I keep speculating over whether or not she saved me or made it harder for me."You friend saved you. Your friends know what is best for you because they are neck stuck in the middle of the situation like you are at the moment.

 

I would take everything that reminds you of him, put it away in a box or something. Delete him from your blog list, refrain from looking on his blog as well. Time for you to go into hard core NC. Stay strong...we are here for you.

 

 

(((hugs)))

[AwdreeHpburn]

Yeh Caterina - KellBell's right. You need to take him of your page and stop hittin' up his blog. Sort like you're torturing yourself intentionally. And it is obessive behaviour. Find another hobby other than your ex.

 

As a side note tho - I have a gf who is very similiar and she is the one gf the rest of us girls complain about for the reasons you stated. We get tired of her whining and obsessing but not doing anything to get herself over it or move on. We have all lost a lot of respect for this girl because she won't take matters into her own hands no matter the advice or shoulders we offer.

[danylion]

you are not boring your friends, I know you are over analysing everything at the moment. you have had a blow to your confidence and general being. That is natural, keep talking better out then in (not to him though, or his friends). You can talk as much as you like on here, anytime!

 

I agree about the blog thing, I have only hear negative feedback re blog and my space. I have never used them. It is really important for you to heal yourself and that means not seeing him or logging on to find out what he is up to etc.....if you do this you will remain in a rhutt.

 

When i had to adjust to my ex with a new partner i just stayed well away, I knew I would say something I'd regret. The best thing I did was vent my feelings on here, people listened and understaood and bit by bit I thought about him less and less.

 

Remember go easy on yourself, its you we are here for. Take it easy sweet heart.

[Caterina]

Pity Me Not

 

Pity me not because the light of day

At close of day no longer walks the sky;

Pity me not for beauties passed away

From field and thicket as the year goes by.

Pity me not the waning of the moon,

Or that the ebbing tide goes out to sea,

Or that a man's desire is hushed so soon,

And you no longer look with love on me.

This have I always known: Love is no more

Than the wide blossom which the wind assails,

Than the great tide that treads the shifting shore,

Strewing fresh wreckage gathered in the gales.

Pity me that the heart is slow to learn

What the swift mind beholds at every turn.

[lovemycoffee41]

Completely understand where you're coming from. However, I agree with many of the responses on here, he's made his decision. How much can he really like you if he's dating someone else? No contact is the best, sure you may have felt better if you had talked to him for about 20 minutes after, but you'd be sad again, I promise you.

 

That part of your life is over, and thereforeeee it's natural to 'grieve'. It's when you've been grieving 6 months down the road that you would really need to worry and may seek morehelp. Your friends aren't getting tired of you, but they've probably said all they can to help you through this. How many times can you hear them complain about a guy they like but can't connect with? They will be there for you to go out and do things with, and get your mind off of the situation.

 

Be strong through this. I recommend reading new books (I loved reading Barbara De Angelis books), watching movies, working out, listening to music, and coming to this site and asking for help and opinions. We are all hear to help. Good luck and keep us posted!

[Caterina]

I found out that they weren't dating. NOt that it matters, as you all say, but still.