about to send this email

[disruptors]

"Hi Eva, I do not know why I am emailing you. I know things are done. But something inside me told me I had to do this one last time, no matter how many people told me not to. Maybe I do not believe the girl that fell in love with me is totally gone or maybe I do believe and know that now, but it doesnt matter now because I know sometimes life throws something at you that seems to be so unfair but it only makes you stronger and a better person once you get through it, no matter how long it takes. I want to say I never saw how great things could become when we first met, but I know this will only make me stronger and know what to do the next time something great comes along. I thank you for being you and I learnt many things from the past month. In a way I know if i just gave you space maybe things would have been different, but like I said you've made me learn not to make the same mistakes again. My self respect and dignity had to be saved by doing what I had to do 2 weeks ago. I do not want you to think that I hate you in any way because I do not. I only thank you for the person that you have always been when we were together. I only have good memories, and for sure they outnumber the bad times by infinity. I've realized that closure can not be given to me by anyone or you but only by myself and thus u do not need to explain or feel like you owe me an answer in the future, and its weird after sending you this I will in a way know that this is it, and I do not need to think or worry about why this happened, or all the what ifs. I thought I'd give you all the emails i have that you sent me and some that i sent you so when you're older and with the one, you can reminese and laugh at old times with your old bfs, because when I deleted all of mine before with kimberly its like I lost a part of who i am because that in a way is what made me who I am now. Please I am not emailing you to make you reconsider or cry or feel bad, I just want to leave the greatest times we had in the past 3 years to a great end, because thats what love is all about. Take care eva and I hope the future brings both of us the very best. "

 

Jeff

 

 

I know most of you say I shouldn't but i feel like if I send this I can move on finally in a way I have not been able to do. BC I know she won't email me back (99% sure) and after that it tells me look its meant to be this way and so now I should just move on and live my life. Or am i doing and taking this way out of proportion?

[PocoDiablo]

That has to be the most boring email I have ever read. And that is how you are going to try and win her over to contact you again?

 

Think about it like this: If you had just met this woman for the first time, what would you say? You'd probably flirt, joke, make her laugh, and invite her out on a date.

 

What you are sending there is "I'm desperate, lonely, sad, boring, pathetic and you should run far, far away from me."

 

Think about it carefully.

[disruptors]

Hey Poco, I thank you for your honest response. I haven't sent it yet and I guess I don't want to because yes it sounds like I'm pathetic, lonely, desperate, but at the sametime I feel like I have to inorder to give myself closure.

[dontknowwhattodo]

Hi there,

 

I don't think you should send the email. But I do agree that you should write. It helps to let your feeling out. I wrote a closure email to my ex bf and I sent it. What I got in return was a silence. It hurt more and I felt like a fool. After that I wrote a ton and never sent them again. When I went back to read them, I noticed that they all were cringy and dramatic. Everytime I wrote, I felt the urge to send it. But once my close friend asked what I would do and feel if he didn't reply to my email again. That was a wake up call, since then I never sent him anything again. Do write if it helps but never send it.

[annie24]

That has to be the most boring email I have ever read. And that is how you are going to try and win her over to contact you again?

 

Think about it like this: If you had just met this woman for the first time, what would you say? You'd probably flirt, joke, make her laugh, and invite her out on a date.

 

What you are sending there is "I'm desperate, lonely, sad, boring, pathetic and you should run far, far away from me."

 

Think about it carefully.

 

DITTO!!!!!!!!!!!

 

And as a female, I must say, the last thing I ever want to hear when discussing a breakup or breaking up, is my boyfriend/ex-boyfriend comparing me to the girl he was with before me. Or even mentioning her name. My last ex did that to me, and I thought it was so lame. Who wants to hear about his other exes????

 

Yes, and the silence will hurt you even more.

 

If you write anything, it should be more happy and upbeat. And shorter!

 

Like, I dunno, something like this.... "Sorry things didn't work out between us... we had a lot of fun times. Hope your future is bright - you are a sweetheart."

[CamGuy]

 

Like, I dunno, something like this.... "Sorry things didn't work out between us... we had a lot of fun times. Hope your future is bright - you are a sweetheart."

 

 

Hahaha. Although I agree that you should DEFINITELY NOT SEND THAT letter, dont send her what is written above either!

 

Listen, dont do much of anything. Act aloof, Better yourself. FOR YOU, Screw your ex. She is gone, Move on.

[majord23]

That has to be the most boring email I have ever read. And that is how you are going to try and win her over to contact you again?

 

Think about it like this: If you had just met this woman for the first time, what would you say? You'd probably flirt, joke, make her laugh, and invite her out on a date.

 

What you are sending there is "I'm desperate, lonely, sad, boring, pathetic and you should run far, far away from me."

 

Think about it carefully.

 

 

Just quoting this (again!) because Poco (as always) has hit the nail on the head.

What you have composed screams "I am needy".

 

If you are honest with yourself, you are looking for a reaction with your email - not closure.

[annie24]

Hahaha. Although I agree that you should DEFINITELY NOT SEND THAT letter, dont send her what is written above either!

 

Listen, dont do much of anything. Act aloof, Better yourself. FOR YOU, Screw your ex. She is gone, Move on.

 

Oh yeah, I agree, he shouldn't send anything! Better not to. But if he feels he HAS to, better to send something upbeat.

[iceberg21]

I sent a letter very similar to an ex after we broke up, basically pouring out my soul in said email feeling like you do, like I HAD to send something to feel like it was really over. I did feel better after I sent it, never got a reply as I expected, but about a week or so later, I wished with every part of me that I could take back what I wrote, because I no longer felt the way I did in the email and it was just the worst thing I could've done. Give it AT LEAST a week. If you still feel the same, send it, but for the love of mike, think about it some more.

[PocoDiablo]

Believe it or not, when I was very young (18 I think) I send an ELEVEN page letter to my ex. Well, at some point she sent it back to me.

 

Holy ... wow.

 

I could not believe how sad, mean, desperate, just ... whacked ... it was. I totally regretted sending it. So ... live and learn, and if you can learn from others you're going to have an advantage!

[disruptors]

AHHH I'm sorry guys, but I sent it. Yesterday I had to study all day and I think thats why I was sulking and thinking so much, that it made me feel so hurt, desperate for an answer. However as you see, the email doesnt really ask her to email me back but somehow in my heart I wanted her to, but my mind told me what could she possibly say by emailing me back except for the fact that she wants to get back together. I KNOW I SCREWED UP, I FEEL SO ASHAMED OF MYSELF when everyone here told me not to and I still did. I know she read it but she hasn't written me back. Did i just push her away even more because she wants this break up and I don't, or should I just use this as justification as a means to an end to this relationship? I'm sorry guys, I really hate how sometimes your heart can make you do something when your mind tells you its the wrong thing, but you still do it anyways.

[majord23]

What's done is done disruptors.

 

Now you do 2 things:

 

1. Stop dwelling on whether you made a mistake by sending it....it is sent and no amount of time spent beating yourself up over it is going to change that.

 

2. Learn from this. If sending this makes you feel worse, then remember that...and think about it when your heart tells you to do something else.

 

You sending the email isn't the end of the world mate...but you should view it as being the end of 'emotional disruptors'. That chapter is over and he is gone: now you are non-emotional, non-needy disruptors.

 

If you are in contact with your ex ever again, be confident, funny and aloof....not the same guy who sent the email.

 

You're doing ok pal....don't be too hard on yourself.

[PocoDiablo]

AHHH I'm sorry guys, but I sent it.

Oh well.

 

However as you see, the email doesnt really ask her to email me back but somehow in my heart I wanted her to, but my mind told me what could she possibly say by emailing me back except for the fact that she wants to get back together.

So you wanted to get back together, which is obvious, but you knew the message would push her away, so as mentioned... what did you LEARN from this?

 

I KNOW I SCREWED UP, I FEEL SO ASHAMED OF MYSELF when everyone here told me not to and I still did. I know she read it but she hasn't written me back. Did i just push her away even more

Yes. End of story. You sealed the deal and now she's done with you.

 

I mean, really, you acted like a big baby. Sorry, not trying to be mean, but you've got to grow up. You're acting like you're 7 years old and you want her to be your mother. How *ugly* of you. She wants a real man who will stand tall and protect her, provide for her, make her laugh, be fun to be with, all that. How did you do that?

 

Women want a mature guy, and you acted like a baby she has to take care of. You tried to force her to be your therapist and mother, and no one likes that. I'm pretty sure you're done here, so now you can take the time to learn how not to treat a mature woman.

 

Next time? Back off. Flirt. Joke. Protect. Provide. Make her laugh.