whats going on?

[Mark82]

I had been in a long term relationship (6years) and 4 months ago it ended. My ex kept putting me down and making me feel worthless in an effort to try to end things without her making the decision. I knew what she wanted so I gave it to her and ended it for her.

 

I love her but I knew that the only way I could get her back was to let her go and let things play out, I gave her space I never begged, never called her and was always friendly. She kept in contact with me over the phone and the internet, sometimes she even called up crying and apologising but at the same time she didn't want me back. All this time I was really depressed, I wanted her back and I couldn't do anything about it.

 

I got fed up and decided to travel for a month, two days before I was to leave she called me up saying that she misses me and that she really would like to meet up with me. I was shocked but felt that it would be better to wait until I got back to see her so I would have more to talk about and be more interesting. By this time I was very cautious and played a little hard to get.

 

During my trip we spoke on the internet and she reconfirmed how she felt, said that she had been crying every night for the past week. I told her that she needs to look forward and she said she is and she sees what we could be like. So I was convinced that things were going to be ok when I got back... I kept myself from showing too much of my feelings to her because I felt that if she trully loved me as she could wait for me.

 

Well I came back only to find that she no longer was sad, she no longer saw us being together and when I asked her the reason she said that she had her periods and she was very emotional.

 

To me this is a childish excuse for "I really don't know what I want but since I know I have you now, I don't want you."

 

I don't know it feels like as soon as I started showing interest in being with her again she completely switched. Last night I became very weak and called her up telling her that I really want to see her and that i'm sorry for rejecting her when she wanted to meet" She said its too late and that when we first broke up deep down she felt that I would be the one she would marry and have children with but now she doesn't feel that.

 

I'm a little confused, did I give her too much time to think things over? I haven't seen her in 4months, how does she know if she does or doesn't want me back... She is the one that wanted to breakup in the first place, then she wanted me back and now she doesn't. I've all along wanted her but have been cautious.

 

Any insights would be good, I don't usually post on forums but this is really getting me down.

[Demond34]

I know what you mean, about them turning everything on you, making you feel like you're the reason they are so unhappy and don't meet their needs but they won't end it so they don't feel guilty........

 

When in reality its what they want.........they push you away until you make the decision.............when that happens its usually to late, they don't break up with you over night, i believe its a gradual process thats planned out...........she still cares and loves you but the intial shock of you not being in her life probably made her re-think her decision thats why she was apologizing and crying.......She missed you........I don't know what to tell you to do.......since I don't know what I should do........I would say to be cautious(like you said) and let her do the contacting, its up to you if you can handle responding to it, only you know.....take care

[Mark82]

feels like I almost had her back but it was only temporary... could it be that even if I did meet up with her and we got back together we wouldn't have lasted very long? I mean if she truly had feelings for me then 2 weeks away isn't an issue.

[Mark82]

a few days ago her mum emailed me asking how I was and asking if I could come around to fix their computer one sunday... I ended up calling her and telling her that i wouldn't be free for the next two weeks... anyway today I realised I had some time so I called her phone but my ex picked up instead. Started talking explained that her mum asked me to come over etc and that I had time today... she was very friendly and said that she has exams and assignments due in 2 days so she is using the computer so its better another time, ended up asking her how she was, she asked me how I was and then I ended the conversation. overall the chat was cheery, however I could sense something in her voice, either she had a cold or she was a little weak talking to me?

 

anyway this has really screwed up my progress with getting over the whole situation, its been almost 5 months already and I still keep thinking of her, some days are perfect, other days I am really low.

 

I keep feeling like she wants me to chase her, but at the same time she is telling me straight out that she doesn't want to be in a relationship with me. The only thing getting me by is remembering the bad things she has said to me.