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Mark82

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  1. Mark82
    ha, well plans changed. I called her up, asked her why she invited me because we arent friends, i'm not her brother as she used to put it and we are no longer in a relationship. She completely ignored what I said and said "just come, it'll be fun..." I ended up re-iterating what I said and she said "you are reading too much into it, " get ready for it... she said "Even strangers come to dinner on christmas". So I said, i'm not a stranger. She said, yea I know but just come!... I said no I'm sorry, please thank your parents for inviting me. Anyway, there was a lot of silence during the conversation, obviously akward, I struggled to find words to explain how I felt. She reconfirmed how she feels by saying "I miss you, it'll be good to hang out with you then she said, oh you'll probably read into that too much as well... you overcomplicate things. So I said to her, things are simple to you because you don't care (maybe a bad thing to say)... she said I do care, why can't we just be friends? anyway, after more silence I said I better go, thanked her and wished her a good day. I then called her mum and thanked her for inviting me. End of story. I didn't get as much closure as I wanted but its enough. Now I feel worse than before, but i'm sure i'll get over it. I seriously don't think i'll get over what we had, but I do have to move on... and being friends isn't going to help.
  2. Mark82
    hrmm, I've changed my mind. In a week i'll call up and say I have to go visit my parents for christmas, thanks for inviting me etc... I just realised i've forgotten about her, not gotten over her. So i'm just going to hurt myself. I want this next year to be my year, if I go it'll start the same way as last. thanks for everyones help!
  3. Mark82
    I don't think I want to rekindle the flame as I don't feel like I need or want her, sure I have some moments when I think it'll be easier to go back to her then start over. I think the thing that is getting to me is the hurt is coming up again, and the only way to heal that hurt is for her to want me back, or to have a clear understanding of her intentions.
  4. Mark82
    My ex and I of 6years broke up at the start of the year, pretty much a day after new years. We tried to leave things on good terms. After that we had a period of nc for at least 2 months... we started talking online and about 8 months later we caught up in person. Things were a little uneasy (for me) and I wasn't sure what her intentions were, so I kept my distance. Anyway after seeing her in person twice (in a period of 3 weeks), we didn't talk for a while. After 6 years its hard to put down all your old feelings etc and just be friends. Anyway so a month or so went by, we spoke maybe once or twice on the net, only when I initiated the conversation. So I stopped to see if she would make an effort. Today she called me out of the blue, asked what I was doing for christmas and asked if I would like to spend christmas day with her and her parents. At first I didn't know what to say, so she said i'll let you think about it... I called back to tell her that i'd love to spend christmas with them (I was close with her parents, I lived them for a year.. big mistake). she said thats great and said she didn't want to spend christmas alone this year, saying she doesnt have any brothers or sisters and that it was fun last year with me. (strange considering we broke up soon after). based on what she has said in the past when we broke up, about feeling more like a sister to me... it seems she just wants someone so she isnt lonely. This kinda gets to me as I dont know if im over her, at first I didn't know her intentions but after I accepted her offer, her intentions were clear. I am still just a brother to her. So i'm thinking about going along with this, i'll try not have any expectations (which will be hard) and will enjoy myself with her and her family. my question is, do you think she purposely mentioned the brother/sister thing to make it clear that she isnt interested romantically in future? Did I just make my christmas suck by allowing the past to come up again? What are your suggestions in this situation? I want to move on but things like this keep coming up, I can't be just a friend with her because for 6 years we were more. I feel akward not being able to hold her when i'm with her.
  5. Mark82
    hmm.. well I guess we can't go back to the way things were just like that, however being a friend will just open up more opportunities to hurt. when I say I still love her, I mean because of all our memories and for who she is. Sure I miss being "in" love, but the only way to get that again is to be friends and build it up from there... so I guess i've answered my own question, I need to go NC and move on.
  6. Mark82
    It's been over 9months since my ex and I broke up. After a period of NC we started chatting online and occasionally over the phone, maybe once a month. A few weeks ago our online chatting became more frequent and today we met up so I could get some stuff that she still had of mine (mail etc). Today was the first time since we broke up that we've seen each other. I was so anxious last night that I was only able to get 3-4hrs sleep. Obviously after 6 years, 9months isn't enough to get over it. So the meeting went well at first, we met up, hugged and kissed (cheaks) and then had lunch. She even had tears in her eyes. After lunch we walked around to a few clothing stores and then I had to get back to work so we departed. Towards the end of our catch up I got a really heavy feeling, the feeling you get when you break up, I became fairly quiet, quiet enough for her to comment on it... I must of realised the reality of the situation. Things weren't going to change like I had imagined. anyway so I guess my question is, what should I do... I still love her and would love if we could start fresh, however I don't want to risk telling her that straight out and seeming needy or making a fool out of myself. I feel like telling her that I can't be her friend, we either try to work things out or we go back to NC. I wish I didn't have fear about how things will turn out. I guess i'm afraid of her saying she would rather NC. I just can't be a friend.
  7. Mark82
    since my breakup i've been going out trying to be more social etc... before then I never had the need to go out and socialise other than with close friends. something I have found which is really getting to me is when I talk to a girl that I like or is really pretty I become serious and ask a lot of questions in an attempt to keep the conversation going. I rarely state my opinion on things they bring up or tell them too much about myself. In fact if I do tell them about myself I am extremely vague. After the conversation I run through it in my mind and realise all the things I could have said but didn't on on the spot, and even analyse what I did say and start putting myself down for saying them, like for example I may say something that doesn't make sense and there would be a pause in the conversation, afterwards I would think things like "that was a stupid thing to say, now she thinks your an idiot". I know I have an issue of worrying too much about things which can make me look and sound serious... could this be because I lack experience in socialising or is it cause i'm just a bit slow? I think I already know the answer which is it has to do with my self-esteem/confidence... I guess the best way is to keep at it, socialising and improving and stop being so hard on myself?
  8. Mark82
    just a bit of advice for anyone wanting their ex back... get off your computer, call up your friends and go out every chance you get, make new friends, involve yourself in new activities and when you find yourself looking back think of why you don't need them. Going back is selfish on both sides. There was a reason for the breakup, if you are chasing after your ex ask yourself why you are doing it. Get over your case of oneitis and concentrate on yourself. I know its hard but it worked for me!
  9. Mark82
    There is this girl at work, she is new and until today I didn't know her name or anything about her. Every time I see her, her image stays in my head for ages and I can't stop thinking about her. So naturally I started asking some friends about her. A girl I know that gets on well with her told me that she just broke up with her cheating boyfriend of 18months and that she isn't really looking for guys yet. To me this isn't a big roadblock. Now I have a few problems I need to overcome, first thing is i've been out of the game for way too long cause of a previous long term relationship i've had, second thing is i'm not the best conversationalist or so my friends say. In fact on my review at work my managers comment was "he is a quiet achiever" well f*ck that, I don't want to be like that, but I am and even though I go out and try to improve my skills it doesn't seem to help. Maybe im just too slow to think of things to say? Anyway I believe these are things I can get over and win this chick but it would be good if I had some guidelines so I can gain confidence. In two weeks there will be an opportunity to really get to know her, the friend of hers that I know is going to be setting things up. Any suggestions on how to improve my conversation skills and get over the fear would be good... regarding my conversation skills I think I lack the knowledge on how to drive a conversation and keep things interesting. When I visualise things the conversation in my head flows perfectly but in reality it never happens like that.
  10. Mark82
    Thanks stolenshadow, i've taken your advice... by keeping her unblocked I allow myself to hope that she will unblock me which just stops me from progressing. btw is it normal after 6months to still not have found someone else or gotten close enough to anyone? thats probably another reason why I keep looking back.
  11. Mark82
    I don't think she realises that I needed space... if she did then she wouldn't have blocked me straight after I unblocked her. Feels more like a game, well you blocked me, now i'll block you sort of thing. If she was mature she would be able to ask me why I blocked her. Instead she used a friend to find out if I was online . Like her friend actually messaged me and asked me how "life" is.. then when I responded she said she had to go. Part of me wants to write her an email that says "are we done playing block wars? i'm getting bored whats the next game you have in mind?" the other part of me says to write "sorry for blocking you I had to do it for myself, I don't want to hold grudges etc"... then there is the logical side of me that says, don't even bother. Looks like i'll stick with the third option.
  12. Mark82
    I had my ex blocked on msn, and she found out because her friend had me on her list as well and I hadn't blocked her (stupid!). The reason I blocked her was because I felt a lot of anxiety whenever I saw her get online so I needed to do it for myself. I don't hate her or anything. Once I realised her friend had contacted me to check to see if I was online I unblocked my ex. Why did I do this? partly cause I was curious as to what would happen and also I wanted to show that i'm not affected by things anymore. After a few seconds she blocks me and its been that way for a few weeks now. I left her unblocked so she can see me when i'm online... The problem I have is this, I keep wanting to email her and tell her that I don't hate her and that I don't want us to hold grudges with each other. When I think about it a lot I usually talk myself against emailing her but every so often I keep wanting to email her. What she did was fairly immature I think but then again I had her blocked first. Should I try to reconcile the friendship we had or let it go? Its been 6 months since our breakup. Maybe i'm trying to find an excuse to talk to her? 6 months isn't much compared to the 6years we had together.
  13. Mark82
    about 4 years ago my ex cheated on me (we were together for 6), we decided to get back together but for a whole year I became really negative/depressed and angry with her and life in general(before that I was fine). we broke up 5 months ago and even though i'm no where near as bad as that time 4 years ago when she cheated on me I am getting waves of depressed thoughts. I analyse things about myself, what other people think of me, how I act in front of others, how smart I am to the point where I feel insecure. This is causing me problems with being social as I feel like i'm not good enough and probably push a lot of my friends away, including my ex. When I go out to a nightclub or something and have a lot of fun, I have huge come downs, one second i'm talkative, the next I look really angry and people ask if anythings wrong. Last night was the biggest example of this and I realised that maybe my natural state of mind is fairly negative and when I have fun I am just returning to my normal state after it wears off. I just want to sort myself out and be happy but everytime I take action to change things I end up getting down not too long after. sorry for the rant, just want to know the best way to overcome this.
  14. Mark82
    Its been 5 or so months since my breakup. I just met a girl who I got along fairly well with and would really like to take her out on a date or something, however even though i'm sure i've had a few chances to ask her out i've let them slip by only to kick myself afterwards. I think I have a bit of fear considering i've only had one girlfriend before and it was a long term thing. Any suggestions, is it too early to date? what if she rejects me? Even though I still have a lot of love for my ex, I don't have a choice but to move on. Just making the first step is the hardest.
  15. Mark82
    We broke up 5 months ago after 6years, 2years of which I spent most of my time living in her house (with her parents, yea I know bad move)... anyway after a few episodes of "I want you back, now I don't want you back" from her, i finally have moved on(I think). Anyway today her mum calls me and asks if I can fix their computer and to come over to their place to catch up. I haven't seen her mum since we broke up. I turn up fix it and chat about what i've been up to making sure I avoided any talk about my ex. Anyway I leave, and am now left wondering why the hell after so many months her mum would want me to come around. Initially I thought she would have something to say about us, but it would seem that all she wanted was her computer fixed and to see how I am. Also, when she asked me to come over I said sure I can come at 3pm, and she said oh, "ex" finishes work at 4 how about you come earlier. So it sounds like my ex wants to avoid me. I don't understand why she would want me over, I felt obliged to help cause they did a lot for me in the past but doesn't she get that it hurts??
  16. Mark82
    I had that day, kept to NC for 3 months (well she sometimes contacted me) and eventually she called me up wanting to meet, said she missed me and all that... this was 3 days before I was to go on a trip to europe for a month. I decided to see her after I got back. Bad move I guess, I got back and she had changed her attitude and gave stupid reasons for her change(even blamed me for rejecting her). I guess I thought that if she trully wanted me back she would wait for me. Now if I did say yes when I had the best chance, would she have changed her mind after a month? or would it have depended on how I rekindled the love? Been kicking myself for not meeting up with her when I could have.
  17. Mark82
    a few days ago her mum emailed me asking how I was and asking if I could come around to fix their computer one sunday... I ended up calling her and telling her that i wouldn't be free for the next two weeks... anyway today I realised I had some time so I called her phone but my ex picked up instead. Started talking explained that her mum asked me to come over etc and that I had time today... she was very friendly and said that she has exams and assignments due in 2 days so she is using the computer so its better another time, ended up asking her how she was, she asked me how I was and then I ended the conversation. overall the chat was cheery, however I could sense something in her voice, either she had a cold or she was a little weak talking to me? anyway this has really screwed up my progress with getting over the whole situation, its been almost 5 months already and I still keep thinking of her, some days are perfect, other days I am really low. I keep feeling like she wants me to chase her, but at the same time she is telling me straight out that she doesn't want to be in a relationship with me. The only thing getting me by is remembering the bad things she has said to me.
  18. Mark82
    just a quick question, last I spoke to my ex I really pushed her away. I have this urge to call her and apologise and get back on good terms with her, wish her luck with her exams also... is this a bad move?
  19. Mark82
    yep, I was definitely blinded by love. My dad used to ask me whether or not I was happy, and I would always say yes, and when I asked why, he would say that he didn't see much affection on her side towards me. Looking back I can see he was right. I think I grew attached to the idea of finding "the one" first go. ah well... like beyond said, time too look after myself and do what I want to do with my life. thanks for your replies.
  20. Mark82
    thanks, I was almost there, had travelled, met new people. But after doing the NC thing (she could contact me) she started telling me she missed me and that she was sad, and I thought maybe there was a chance to reconcile... I was overseas at the time when she told me how she felt and when I got back 2 weeks later she completely reversed saying she no longer felt the same. So I think my expectation caused me to bring up a lot from the past. its been 3months since I saw her. It doesn't help that she played with my feelings. anyway i'm over it now thanks to being able to get it off my chest on this forum.
  21. Mark82
    it wasn't always a mess, we had our good times. Just this time the bad parts of the relationship got too tiring to deal with. Just finding it a bit hard to let go of someone that I've sacrificed a lot to be with. That sounds lame but maybe thats why I feel I want her back. bit selfish on my part.
  22. Mark82
    I am 22 she is 21, she is my first love so I guess this is expected, she probably doesnt know what she wants and I love blindly... the more to it part is, I moved away from my parents when I was 18 to be with her, I was strong at that time, I got into university got a job doing what I was studying and was doing well for my age... then we came up with a "bright" idea for me to move in with her and her parents. Things were great for a while but I started to feel restricted, I couldn't act like myself around her without her parents being away on a weekend trip or something. I became like her brother. I should have moved out but I guess I was a little selfish and took advantage of the situation financially. before I moved away from my parents we spent a year in a long distance relationship, things didn't really work out and she cheated on me 2 years after we met. next day though she was begging for me back and eventually i took her back although it took me a year to fully get over it. I guess my situation is complicated... its probably a combination of being too young and getting too serious to early and not having the room to grow on our own. Thing is when you love you can't help but do things to stay with that person. I have my ups and downs I guess, i'm usually ok though.
  23. Mark82
    my relationship of 6 years ended slowly... it got to the point where I had to make the move to finally end it because I knew that is what she wanted. The thing that is really getting to me is the reason she gave me, she said she didnt feel protected by me and that we had completely different interests. She would complain that I wouldn't talk much to her friends when they were around and she felt that she was the man in the relationship... I guess there is more to it than that, there are reasons why things got that way, but if you trully love someone you wouldn't push them away if they were weak for whatever reason. am I right? The problem I have now is that I feel even weaker because of the way she treated me towards the end of the relationship, anything I would say or do would be wrong or stupid and when she would make the same mistake I would point it out and she would realise that she was being unreasonable. What can I do to gain my confidence and be someone interesting for whoever I may end up with, I really don't want to make the same mistake... even though I think sometimes maybe I wasn't the one with the problem and she was just putting her issues onto me.
  24. Mark82
    what if i've already pushed my ex away further than when we broke up, am I lying to myself thinking there may still be a chance in future if I maintain nc?
  25. Mark82
    feels like I almost had her back but it was only temporary... could it be that even if I did meet up with her and we got back together we wouldn't have lasted very long? I mean if she truly had feelings for me then 2 weeks away isn't an issue.
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