trying to get her back

[hopelessxnow]

Hey, i'm sorry this might be quite long - not really sure where to start.. and how to shrink everything into a single thread but here goes..

 

I've been out with my ex for 6 months.. it was great we both loved eachother very much. However, despite the fact that we had great times together, we started having more and more arguments which lead to me being dumped. She wanted to stay friends and she was quite nice when dumping me. She told my friend there were aspects of the relationship she would definitely miss. She was there to listen when i had to beg and plead and cry etc.

 

For months and months I begged and pleaded for her to come back as one would (not knowing about NC). This obviously drove her further away when she finally realised i was obsessed.. until the point where she completely stopped talkin to me. Cut all ties, didnt want to have absolutely nothing to do with me. She then started to act quite harsh..

 

So i found out about the whole No Contact idea.. i started it in order to get her back but my hopes werent up at all. To be honest, I havnt had a full month of complete NC - i'd always email her every now and then when i got a bit too low. Anyhow, I did LC for months.. and things gradually got better. Though it took a bit of effort, she finally accepted to go back onto speaking terms. This was a few weeks ago. We decided to take the whole 'friendship' idea very slow as we don't really know eachother anymore. This, to me, was hard but at the end of the day it does make sense. We didn't talk much at all on messenger a few weeks ago.. but it's getting better and i can tell she's feeling a bit more confident as i'm still giving her space by not contacting her much.

 

Yesterday, i was at a party with her and we got extremely drunk. Nothing happened but we did talk for the first time in person for months and months and it was great!.. and we hugged - i'm rather happy about that which shows how much i love her. We spent quite a while talking about quite random stuff just like friends and it wasnt really awkward at all.. we still click =)

 

I know I shouldn't allow this to get my hopes up.. and yes, maybe she doesnt want me back? but i feel that i have a slight chance.. and im prepared to take up any plan there is that would lead me there even if it'd take months. I still really love her and really want her back more than anything. What should i do?..

[SeaBisquit]

this is tough. and i think you really have to pay attention to everything she tells you. meaning, if she says she just wants to be friends it's just that.

 

you can take things slowly as you are now. but until you hear her say she wants to get backtogether with you it is just that. so you have to decide if you can only remain friends with her without getting your heart broken.

[bobo85]

you have the concept of NC all wrong. NC is not to get her back into your arms. Actually there is nothing you can really do to get her back. She has to want to all by yourself or else your just setting yourself up for heartbreak all over again.

 

NC is for YOU. Its going to help you move on because with NC...there is no other choice but to move on. You wont be in ANY contact with her which forces you to get on with your life. YES you guys can be friends....but not now. Not while you still have feelings for her. With no contact, you must act like she is no longer alive. No talking to her on the phone, no text message, no email, no going on her myspace, delete her from your AIM/MSN, get rid of all her photos, letters, basically anything that reminds you of her. Throw them away or store them away where you can't see them daily.

 

During this NC period...(which should not have no set amout of length because no one will no how long you need to fully recover from the breakup) you will achieve 3 things:

 

1. You will move on faster because you arent being deceived of hope of actually getting back together by having LC with her.

 

2. You can work on yourself. YES...self improvement can go a long way. When you two were a couple...you probably didnt have you own identity. Take this time and find yourself. Become whole again.

 

3. I know your gonna love this one. Its gonna give her a chance to miss the hell out of you. She's gonna know you can live life without her which is gonna cause her to be more curious about you. She's gonna wonder what you are doing and who your with. In fact...she may even call you just to check up on you. She might even test if you still love her. Don't fall for this. You may feel temporary relief when you speak with her, but then you will go back to square one.

 

***REMEMBER***

Do not break NC until you KNOW you are over her.

[hoping]

how long has it been since the breakup?

[hopelessxnow]

Hey thanx guys! Yes i do understand that NC is for me. However, i was just wondering if that was a better way to get her back.. and looking at ur 3rd reason for NC, it looks like it is?..

 

It has been 7 months since the break up..quite a while yeah!

[bobo85]

You have to understand that eventhough you do get her back, its only going to be temporary unless things change. You must change for yourself and you must do it without her. Be independent and improve yourself. Lift weights, learn martial arts, stay determined. This may or may not get her back but at least you are moving on with your life. You will meet other girls.

 

Its been 7 months and you still havent accepted the fact that she is GONE...for now at least. why would you want her back? Remember that if you two were meant to be together....then they will. don't force anything. Just let things be.

 

Let her go now....and she may or may not come back to you. On the meantime...look out for yourself.

 

quote: dont fight for somebody that isnt willing to fight for you.

[Ploppy]

The only way to get her back is to make her fall in love with you again and show her you've changed. It's a very hard task, and by acting the way you did when you first broke up may have ruined everything becasue you were acting very annoying. Put yourself in her shoes, if you no longer wanted to be with her, and she kept on pestering you and asking you to come back it'd just drive you away more becasue it's annoying. It's unfortunetly a mistake almost everyone makes when they're dumped the first time and they're still in love with the person, and it can ruin any chances of getting her back.

 

- Just try to remember how you made her fall in love with you before and try to do that while also showing her you've changed.

 

- Don't be clingy and pester her all the time or bug her when she's busy. Just be the casual friend that talks and hangs out now and then but try to act the way you acted when she fell in love with you.

 

- Show you care, but not in a pathetic / clingy way. Just show it now and then.

 

- Try to move on. You may or may not get back with her and i know it's impossible to accept at first but if an awsome girl comes along don't miss your opportunity becasue you're trying to get back with your ex. Have faith, if you're ment to be, you'll eventually be naturally.