Need opinions-CHORES

[paralleltraverse]

Ok lol. i didnt know where to put this topic but anyways here's whats up.my fiance' and I are in our late 20's.when we've decided to move in together he decided to get his long time male friend to move in with us as well because my fiance' thought it best to get his friend away from a bad home environment.now in those 3 years ive noticed that i've been the one who does most all of the chores.i've talked bout it with my fiance' about how i feel overwhelmed that i'm doing most of the chores and that he needs to do his own laundry and what not and that he needs to pitch in.so fiance' had helped just a few times in the past and lately hes helping a bit more but its not enough to jump for joy over.meanwhile our roommate doesnt do a damn thing but do his own laundry.the roommate mostly stays in his own room and only uses a glass here and there or a fork.the rommate says that since he doesnt cook much but that we do we should do the dishes. which i dont get cuz he makes a glass dirty so he should least help do dishes sometimes. but he doesnt hes only done dishes once in the past 3 yrs.im the one who cooks for my fiance' and I not for roommate.my fiance' barely cooks.also, the roommate thinks that since hes in his room most of the time he doesnt have to clean the bathroom, the living room, or the kitchen. thing is tho i told fiance' that his name and roommates name is on the apt. lease and if it the landlord sees a big mess in here its gonna be their fault not mine.and that its their responsibility. granted its mine too since i live here so i do DO chores.the most my fiance' will do is his laundry if he REALLY needs a shirt, trash and dishes once a week. thats about it. only way other stuff gets done is if i say that certain things need to get done or if i do them myself.im not a clean freak i just want the place to not look like a pigsty. we have washer n dryer in our apt. and we have a dishwasher so its not hard to do dishes.ive tried everything from asking nicely to yelling to sitting down and talking about it and the only reaction from my fiance' i get is "i'll try harder to do more" yet things arent getting done whent hey need to get done.he also says hes tired which i understand but im tired also from working.mind you, we cant stand our roommate so we plan to move within the next year.so now the roomate made excuses bout the "i stay in my room, i shouldnt do the living room" bit and my fiance' makes excuses like "im tired, i was never taught how to clean,i shouldnt take out the trash when u got cigarrette butts in it". yet for me, if something needs to get done i just do it no excuse.so you can better understand our backgrounds and their "excuses" heres a list.

 

Roommate: his mother is controlling and has OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder). she always took care of his bills for him and what not. supposedly he and my fiance' claim that she never did house chores and that she made her mother and our roommate do them for her.so i dont know if our roommate is rebelling or what but he wont do a damn thing when it comes to chores.

 

My fiance': says that his mom thought he could never do a good job cleaning cuz hes a boy so she did his laundry and cleaned his room. granted hes cleaned his room and old apt before but he didnt do it on a regular basis just basically spring cleaning. he did his own laundry when he moved out but not as often as he should. and he supposedly claims he was never taught how to clean properly.

 

Me: i was raised that you do your chores or else you got your * * * kicked and that theres no excuse to not clean your room or do your own laundry. and if you saw that soemthing was broke or needed cleaning, you just did it.

 

now what i wanna know is, what do ya'll think i should do to help them pitch in more? fiance' told me that i should ask him to help me clean and i dont think so.if its something thats personally mine then yes but i told him that its his apt and roommates and that they make the messes too and theyre adults and that i shouldnt have to ask. noone asks me i just do it.ive tried almost everything i can think of: asking nicely, yelling, sitting down and talking, giving hints. a few times ive let things pile up for 2 weeks and still noone cared to anything bout it. please give me opinions im tired of playing "mommy". also, why are SOME ( not all) men lazy?

[Penny1041]

Hi,

I can totally relate to you because my ex was a lazy pig too. I mean it was discusting, he could let the dishes sit in the sink for WEEKS if I let it..

Your fiance needs to do half the work, because you and him should be a TEAM. Thats what you need to tell him..

If your roomate is always in his room then I dont think he should do dishes, I think you need to ease up on that.. HOWEVER, he should be helping do the bathroom because he uses it and he should help with the trash too. He lives there so he needs to be responsible, like all adults are.. because were talkin about two men, and you.. they probably do expect you to be their mom and clean up after them.. and that is just WRONG..

You need to tell your fiance how important this is to you, that its either making a path that you both can walk on together, or it can be a huge obstacle that will create resentment and anger on your end and you dont want that to happen, hopefully he doesnt want that either!

Ask him to help you lay the foundation for a healthy marriage and take responsability for his own stuff. I hope that helps..

Good luck-

Penny

[RandomAdvisor]

You need to tell your fiance how important this is to you, that its either making a path that you both can walk on together, or it can be a huge obstacle that will create resentment and anger on your end and you dont want that to happen, hopefully he doesnt want that either!

Ask him to help you lay the foundation for a healthy marriage and take responsability for his own stuff. I hope that helps..

Good luck-

Penny

 

 

That pretty much says it all right there. I was thinking of trying the whole "Let things get so dirty until they have to clean it" so you make your point, but it looks like you've already tried that.

[annie24]

to get your boyfriend to do his own laundry, take all his whites, put them in the washer, put in your red sweater, and then crank up the hot water. Voila! Pink underwear for him!!! I'll be surprised if he lets you do his laundry after that.

 

Ok, since they don't want to clean, and you're not their maidservent, I would just hire a cleaning lady and make them pay their share for it.

 

Let's face it, you can't MAKE them clean up, but you shouldn't have to clean up for them either. I think hiring a cleaning service will serve as a wake-up call for them.

 

LOL - have her come at 8 AM saturday mornings to vacuum their rooms!

[paralleltraverse]

rofl. well i shall have to try some of your ideas guys.oh and btw i forgot to mention.... i CLEAN for a living so yeah when i come home and see messes that arent cleaned, i really dont feel like doing them.i've thought about getting a maid to come and clean maybe i should do that.and when she/he makes noise with the vaccum and wakes the guys up i'll just say "this is what happens when you dont clean" thanks for the opinions guys much appreciated.