I'm getting mixed signals, love him or leave him?

[c0nfu5ed]

Well to start I have never really done this before but friends haven't been very helpful.

 

Anyways, I met a young professional guy over the internet about 6 months ago and after lots of verifications and discovering mutual friends I flew into New York from Michigan and we finally met in person. Now, generally I don't do the long distance thing, but things were going pretty well and I was planning to move to New York anyways so we began dating flying back and forth pretty consistently. He even drove up twice on surprise visits for just a day each time - it takes 12 hours one way making it about 48 hours of driving.

 

I am now living in New York living about 45 min apart, but here is the problem. One second I get the impression that there is no interest and the "plan" is to stay friends because he feels he is wasting my time, I assure him that I don't want to rush anything just like him and do not feel like I'm wasting time but still we don't talk for several days... start to drift apart. Then he invites me to meet his family and I spend two days with them... Everything goes well family loves me. He loves me... a bunch of dates... great... Few weeks later... He says "Can we just stay friends?" with the same reasons. At that point i was frustrated and I made sure he knew - I really really hate drama... A few hours later he is at my door and He is apologizing and doesn't want to lose me and everything is back to normal. It has been like that for the last two months...

 

Anyways, I'm sorry this is so long... maybe I'm just venting. We both went to a conference this weekend. We spent meals, free time and so on together... Good times lots of laughs. Today we had a quick brunch together and we both went to our respective rooms to pack, I had one short meeting, and we made plans to meet up before he went home and I fly out of state for a month... Anyways, an hour later I get out of my meeting to find him... I txt him... wait... finally out of frustration I head to the airport and decide to call. Turns out he is home, a two hour drive, claims to forget that we were suppose to meet and that I was flying out.

 

Now normally he is always on top of things and can say word for word things I said and did months ago. He is an asset to him community and business and is a very loving and caring guy. We get along very well and match physically, mentally, and spiritually except that every now and then he switches on me. Is this normal in a relationship? Do you really forget to say goodbye to someone you care about? I mean jeez only god knows if I'll come back safely. I could be over reacting but we both do a lot of traveling and we always make it a point to meet up before leaving. He swears there is no one else and I trust him (he tells me when he sees his ex... details, thoughts, everything just incase I get the wrong idea). I love the guy and he not only says but acts like he loves me too...I'm mad, I'm hurt, but mostly, I'm confused.

[Tigris]

The only way you can find out what's going on is to talk to him.

 

Good luck

[Mun]

I don't know what your friends have told you about this, but I would just ask: How many times has he done this to you --and how many times will you put up with it ?

 

From what you said he is someone that has it together and probably keeps track of his dates and such... so why does he forget about you like that? My thought would be you are not a big priority and I don't know about you hun, but I would want to be a priority to the man I'm seeing.

 

His mixed messages sound like he wants the relationship sometimes, other times he has other things going ....Like you said, it's been alot of drama.

 

Maybe next time you tell him you don't like this you stick with it and SHOW him that you are not there for his convenience and walk. he could be a great guy that you have alot in common with, but if he is not showing respect for your time, then its like my friend says " it's like having a BMW that is broken down--what good is it ?" ...

[BillyJean714]

I don't know about you, but this is what I think: Sounds like he's playing you.

 

1. Sure, meeting mommy/daddy was nice and all, but flaking out on you and suggestiong "friendship" says A LOT more to me. (Btw, nowadays, at least for people in my generation, seems like meeting mom/dad isn't as much as a 'big' deal, especially if your partner lives with their parents - of course ya gotta meet them right? Convenience).

 

2. The fact that you're doing almost everything to guarantee him that you want more, seems like he doesn't really give a crap. One minute he wants to be with you, next minute he doesn't.

 

If you prolong this relationship any further, don't be surpised that down along the line, he's going to treat you like garbage and even worse. He's already taking you for granted. Isn't that nice?

 

The way that a person treats you from the very beginning of a relationship says a lot about how they will treat you in the future. If he's not treating you THAT right as of right now (just 2 monthsinto the relationship), it's NOT going to change.

 

I say, bite the bullet and leave him. If anything, sounds like he's got his mind on someone/and or something else. Otherwise, if he truly wanted to be with you, then commiting to an 'exclusive' relationship shouldn't be that hard. It bugs me when I see people b.s. and string other people along. Whatever happens, I wish you the best of luck.

[keenan]

and we made plans to meet up before he went home and I fly out of state for a month... Anyways, an hour later I get out of my meeting to find him... I txt him... wait... finally out of frustration I head to the airport and decide to call. Turns out he is home, a two hour drive, claims to forget that we were suppose to meet and that I was flying out.

 

Welcome to ENA!

 

Everything seemed pretty normal wishy-washy undecided (likes you, but not really ready to commit to you) until THIS. That's just weird...and rude...and hurtful.

 

I don't know what to tell you except that you're normal to be frustrated and confused. At this point I'd probably have a sit-down with him and try to get a straight answer about his interest before you invest more energy in your relationship. I know you love him, but you may be standing on a sinking ship.

[c0nfu5ed]

I bet he is probably relaxing and not giving this morning a thought and here I am not working and stressing over this. Tried to follow Tigris advise... Only he won't answer...

 

The priorities bit, now that I think about it, sounds likely. He is involved in so many things I guess like any true New Yorker always in a rush. He runs a youth group on weekends and travels with them from time to time. Then his job, and I should say mine also, are very demanding. But I guess I have allowed it cause these are "good things." I wonder if maybe he gets tired of balancing the three and whatever else and he sees me as the "easiest" to get out of? This is probably the third time he does a number like this in the last 2 or close to 3 months. We have been dating for 7 months next week.

 

Actually the parent thing was a big deal. We had been in the same building once and he didn't let either of us know until after we left. "Oh btw, I forgot to introduce you to my parents." And honestly I was glad cause I didn't exactly feel ready to at that point. He said he didn't want to until he was sure about us... I didn't finally meet them until about 5 months of dating. They knew from the beginning and had began accusing him of making me up. They said he talked about me a lot but then parents lie to marry off their children. grrrr.

 

I need to stop and get to work... Not gonna lose my job over this nonsense... Thanks for the different perspectives, I'll let you know how it works out...

[fishrrshortae]

He's only going back and forth because you LET him. Next time he tries to get back in the game, give him a time out.