Minor mistakes = major pain?

[LL1979]

Its been over two months since i got my * * * dumped. She was 18 and was crazy about me (I was 26). Then it got complicated after about 8 months, as it tends to do. We took a break, and she ended up kissing a guy it turns out she liked since before I met her. I forgave her, (thinking it a stupid drunken mistake at the time), but 2 weeks later she called it off completely.

 

On hindsight I can see how I might have gotten complacent and that she might've seen that as lack of interest. I'm an easy-going kind of guy anyway. But is it all down to that? We had been on vacations together, I went to her prom, and there were plans for more trips away. But there was a lull in activity for a month or so leading up. Do women really switch off love forever when they're not getting enough attention for a while? Before I knew what was happening, the relationship was in freefall. Is this all down to my casualness?

 

I really loved her, and I showed her that quite often, but other times I made a blunder or two. But is that all it takes to change a woman's heart? I mean by the time we got to talking about it, it was too late! She never said anything at the time! All I knew was that I was delighted to have met her and it felt good being with her. And I wanted it to keep going. I was more "myself" in this relationship than any other, and I felt that our relationship was healthy before all the bad feelings happened, and I was in shock when we broke up.

 

I'm still learning about relationships, and I hoped my mistakes (and hers) wouldn't stop this good thing getting better. But I was wrong! I've kept no contact since the break up, even though I would LOVE to see how she's doing etc. I wonder what she is thinking, why she suddenly decided I wasn't what she wanted. I kinda fell flat on my face with this one, so any advice welcome. I'm all for moving on, but I want to learn the right lessons from this!

[robowarrior]

Seems like what you two had together was a busstation relationship. You know, where she waits with you on a couch ,until the correct bus comes along, and she jumps on it and leaving you behind. In retrospective i think she always liked that guy, and was with you because you where 'available' you know that beats lonelyness, but was not enough to forfill her heart.

 

Don't deem yourself wrong or anything, i still think its her loss because you at least are human, while she is trying to find things in her life that is superhuman, and that simply doesn't exist, that one guy she went off also has flaws like any person, if it goes wrong then don't take her back, you'd only act as an emotional crutch if you do.

 

A woman can pack her bags and leave any day, Oh well, there's plenty of more fish in the sea.

[friscodj]

She's 18, on the cusp of adulthood, and her emotions are all over the place. Also, since she broke things off, she was probably preparing herself to break up before she actually did it. That's why it seems like her emotions turned off so suddenly. She's probably wants to explore, live life, see what's out there. If you asked her what happened she probably wouldn't know for sure. I don't think this is your fault at all...it's not an issue of mistakes ending this it is an issue of her growing up I think...

 

You say you have a lot to learn about relationships. Learn from this one. Take the time to face and reflect upon all the good times and bad you guys had together. Hold onto those things that stand out to you. Keep it balanced, the good and the bad.

 

There's really nothing you can do at this point except let her go. She took the initiative to break it off. She pulled the trigger. It's done my friend. Don't wait for her.

[yeawutever]

Right, just leave her alone. It seems she never really wanted you as much as she was waiting for the other guy the whole time. She was waiting for the right opportunity to dump you. In case it doesn't work with the other guy, don't come take her back, it's her loss. And being 18 doesn't mean that if you want to explore life you gotta bang other guys, that's not exploring life, that's being self-centered.