Still No Response. On Day 2

[becky23]

I am just posting mainly because it helps just to get it out, and you all have been such a great help.

 

Im just confused and hurt right now that my boyfriend/ ex bf, has not bothered to even call or respond to my texts. I have tried to make up on good terms, but he has ignored my texts, my voicemail, and every contact i have tried to make.

 

Monday night, when I called back after HE hung up on me, he said I was being a pest. I just called him back to see why he was always hanging up on me and laughing at me that I wanted to stay and talk on the phone for once. I never do that!

 

My question is, does he ignore me and hang up on me like this because he wants me gone, or is this just his plan to get me right where he wants me so he can be his controllig self again? I don't know if he may be cheating, he shows no signs other than this.... Either way, I don't want to get back with him, im sticking to NC, but the fact that he is treating me like this just still hurts no matter what.

[SxcLady]

keep up the nc ... when he realizes that you were trying to be nice and trying to make friends with him, he will call you or message you. he may just want some space. he may just be doing it because he wants the attention or likes the attention that you are giving him.

 

GoodLuck,

Love SxcLady

[princessdi75]

It sounds to me like you're just pestering him and not really letting him have his space to work things out on his own. Constant texting and calling is never a good thing although a lot of people, me included, are very guilty of doing it. Just try to keep yourself busy and wait til he contacts you. When he does, don't freak out blaming him for not calling you. You don't want to drive him away.

[chai714]

Becky,

 

Being angry at people gives us a false illusion of control. He is either angry at you (thus making him feel as if he's in control) or simply does not want to talk to you right now. Regardless of why he's doing it, you should not tolerate it. There is never justification for being treated poorly and the longer you allow him to treat you poorly, the more it will negatively effect your self-esteem. Draw the boundary line and somehow indicate that he's crossed yours. Teach him that you have enough self-respect to walk away if he continues to treat you poorly, and do it.

[becky23]

The thing is this is what he does EVERY time we have a problem.

 

If the conversation or situation doesn't go his way, instead of saying lets just drop it, he will start to rage. He will tell me to shut up, hang up on me, then flat out ignore me before I can even contact him.

 

He is lazy thats why any form of contact bothers him. He is in his mid thirties, and he still smokes ****, lays on the couch watching tv, and plays X BOX with his 30 year old friends.

 

He is very emotionally abusive, and is constantly making me leave his home whenever we get into a fight, and I live far too! He doesn't care if Ive had a few drinks, he makes me leave and locks the door!

 

In all reality, everything bothers him that doesn't go his way. His way of dealing with it is ignoring me, telling me to shut up over and over, or else just ignoring me like now.

 

If I was to ignore him right now like he was doing to me, he would be in a rage. He has threatened to send pictures to my parents, calls over and over, and he says i bother him. Well, he needs to realize that I wouldn't bother him if he DID really need space, I would give it to him no problem!

[chai714]

Becky,

 

Read what you just posted. If that is not enough compelling evidence to leave him forever, then what is?

[SxcLady]

Becky,

 

Read what you just posted. If that is not enough compelling evidence to leave him forever, then what is?

 

 

I agree with chai714 ... just leave him, he isnt worth it. My ex was the same .... and trust me ... you cant get through to them!

[becky23]

Chai you are right. I think to be very honest, I think my self esteem may be almost gone, because 3 years ago, I would have been gone the FIRST time someone mistreated me.

I think staying with him and his verbal and emotional abuse has worn my self confidence down to almost nothing.

 

I can do this though, and I think all i will miss is the routine, and not his constant emotional abuse....

 

thanks for all the support. I may sound repetitive, and lost, but once I leave him for good, I know I will be a lot better..

[chai714]

It's never easy leaving your comfort zone, familiarity, or routine. I understand why you are hesitant.

 

Your self-esteem can be restored to the previous high levels you used to have. It's also helpful to have a support group (family/friends) when you do decide to walk forever. The rewards won't be realized until some time later, but having high self-esteem and being in a healthy relationship with someone who treats you right is priceless.

[southerngirl]

Leave and dont walk.. run

[PocoDiablo]

I am just posting mainly because it helps just to get it out, and you all have been such a great help.

 

Im just confused and hurt right now that my boyfriend/ ex bf, has not bothered to even call or respond to my texts. I have tried to make up on good terms, but he has ignored my texts, my voicemail, and every contact i have tried to make.

Becky, this is simple - he's using a well known dating technique on you called "Challenge." He's making himself less available because it frequently elicits a response in women that make them chase him. He's doing it very well, too, from what I can tell, and I've told guys to use this technique to make themselves more attractive to women. It basically telegraphs self-confidence which is an attractive trait to most women. He acts like he does not need you, and women often fall for that. So, short story, he is playing you.

 

Monday night, when I called back after HE hung up on me, he said I was being a pest. I just called him back to see why he was always hanging up on me and laughing at me that I wanted to stay and talk on the phone for once. I never do that!

See? It works. It's got you all riled up. You're thinking about it. It's a hypnotic (and cult induction) technique designed to make you wonder what is wrong with you (self doubt) and seek him out for reassurance. He's sure got your number.

 

My question is, does he ignore me and hang up on me like this because he wants me gone, or is this just his plan to get me right where he wants me so he can be his controllig self again?

#2 obviously.

 

I don't know if he may be cheating, he shows no signs other than this.... Either way, I don't want to get back with him, im sticking to NC, but the fact that he is treating me like this just still hurts no matter what.

Yeah, and it's supposed to. If you really DID stop calling him he'd have no idea what to do.

 

The thing is this is what he does EVERY time we have a problem.

 

If the conversation or situation doesn't go his way, instead of saying lets just drop it, he will start to rage. He will tell me to shut up, hang up on me, then flat out ignore me before I can even contact him.

Well, this is unrelated. He lacks self-control and as such is not a gentleman - he is not an adult. Until he gets over that you will likely never have a quality and stable relationship with him. He's acting like a spoiled 12 year old brat. I'd advise him to drop that routine ... if I knew him.

 

He is lazy thats why any form of contact bothers him. He is in his mid thirties, and he still smokes ****, lays on the couch watching tv, and plays X BOX with his 30 year old friends.

So he really IS a 12 year old? See where I am going with this? Yeah, he's playing you AND he isn't much of a prize, either!

 

He is very emotionally abusive, and is constantly making me leave his home whenever we get into a fight, and I live far too! He doesn't care if Ive had a few drinks, he makes me leave and locks the door!

And you put up with this ... why? Hey, swing by my place next time he does that and we'll all go out. (All I am saying is there are lots of guys who would be a lot more fun without being little jerks.)

 

In all reality, everything bothers him that doesn't go his way. His way of dealing with it is ignoring me, telling me to shut up over and over, or else just ignoring me like now.

 

If I was to ignore him right now like he was doing to me, he would be in a rage. He has threatened to send pictures to my parents, calls over and over, and he says i bother him. Well, he needs to realize that I wouldn't bother him if he DID really need space, I would give it to him no problem!

So ... give him his space. Let him send pictures. Just hang up when he calls. Don't say anything to give him ammo. He's very predictable and boring, in my opinion, and ... yeah, you can do a LOT better.

 

He's violating just about every rule of being a gentleman and he deserves to be left alone with his xbox.

 

So, Friday is coming up, what guy are you going to go out with instead?

[becky23]

Thank you all so much for your replies! They have really helped me get back on track again.

 

He even called me early this morning, left no message, but I had no desire to really call back. Its been a couple hours since he has called, and I am staying strong.

 

Paco, you hit it on the head. His technique does work, and it makes me so upset, that if he did finally call back, he knows I would say or do anything to make him be happy. Not this time. He didn't call me back when it counted, when it would have showed he actually cared.

 

I am dealing with a child. He acts like one, throws temper tantrums like one, and he is also an only child who didn't really grow up in the best situation.

 

Besides all that, I know what I need to do. Thank you all for your posts and encouragement.

 

NC from here, and I pray I will be strong.