Seeing You Ex Again....What to do?

[CamGuy]

I have made a crap load of mistakes in my last relationship. Which more or less was really the first REAL relationship i ever had. Anyways, I dated this girl for almost 2 years. She was great, excellent. I actually stopped being the complete * * * women have known me to be, and started to respect her. Anyways, I had a lot of issues,and eventually, had trouble acting like myself around her, and through a combo of "Nice guy" problems, and me just acting like someone I wasnt, we broke up. (specifically, she left me).

 

Now, It needed to happen, I have seen the light,etc etc. I know what NOT to do anymore. And yea, i still love her, but there is no way that I am going to beg for her back not to mention, I wouldnt even be able to convince her I am the guy she initially fell inlove with. (it seems like once a woman makes up her mind, it's set in stone) My question is simple. I will see this girl this coming weekend because a good mutual friend of ours is having a birthday party. Now its been 4 months, and I have been able to avoid all contact with her. But she is friends with EVERYONE i know. We have tons of mutual friends. SHe texted me once to ask if its "OK" to join up with a group of friends when we go out on the town.

 

I really dont understand this. I usually respond like "why would I care, fine, whatever". Do any of you guys have experience in how to deal with an ex that you probably still have at least luke warm feelings for, and that you know you will run into eventually? I mean, they call it a break up for a reason. You cant (she cant) cherry pick the items of the relationship she wants to salvage just so she doesnt feel bad about breaking up with me. It doesnt work that way. You cant have your cake and eat it too.

 

I have no animosity towards this girl. I know why it ended. But I just dont feel i have to be "buddy buddy" with her, especially if I am still inlove with her. It doesnt make sense.

 

And why do they always insist on trying to be friends? Women are nucking futs sometimes.

[Shadows Light]

Yes.. we can be.. how did you put it.. Nucking Futs sometime. We drive you crazy and yet, you still love us. An age old dance.

 

Why do women want to remain friends. Ohhhhh I don't know if this applies to women alone, it can go both ways. And in some instances it could be because the person can separate it and neatly keep perspective. You "can" love someone dearly. However, there may be certain apects of them that you can't live with. So you break. Doesn't mean you still don't love them for all the qualities that do mesh?

 

How should you handle it? Well be cordieal. You need not be so cut and dry. After all.. you have mutual friends who you will both probably still have in the future. So, when she texts.. you tell her, "of course, we are ALL friends, why do you need to ask me permission? You don't. YOU are your own person."

 

And there u go. No attitude. No bad feelings. No coldness.. but not that warmth of a lover. It has the warmth of a friend.

[heloladies21]

The friends thing is easy, usually it's to ease the guilt they feel for dumping you. Any way you cut it, it's for selfish reasons and not the right thing for you.

 

Stay in NC, you don't owe any response. At the party, be normal. Do your thing and have fun with everyone else. If she comes up and starts talking to you be normal, take care of any issues that need to be dealt with, and continue with the party.

 

Keep the mantra of never losing your cool repeating over and over again in your head and you will come out on top.

[tylercdurden2004]

Just be cool. Hang out have fun and worry about yourself. Meet new people at the party and just have fun. And yes its very ok to not be friends, but be polite and cordial. you dont owe her anything and especially if you are still working on getting over her.

[hoping]

i am gonna be followin this thread like a hound......i am too dreading for that day when i run into my ex at a party....keep postin guys and camguy keep us updated...and good luck!

[noko]

hahah unfortunately i know i'm going to be doing a gig pretty soon where i'll be seeing my ex quite a lot. I'm not really looking forward to it, but at the same time i am, cos i still have some feelings for her i guess. How the hell do you play it cool when your ex that you still have feelings for starts talking to you?

[tylercdurden2004]

Use that emotion to put on the best gig you ever have done!

[Dako]

Give her a hug and say hello. Be confident.

I plan to have lunch with my ex and fix her PC this weekend.

Sure it hurts to lose her, but I can handle the friendship because I'm an adult. It's hard to drop her after decades of sharing, and she makes me laugh. Why not?

[Pikey1972]

Yup, I'm with Dako here - why not? As long as you feel you can handle it.

 

Also, it's not only women who want to stay friends: my ex wanted to remain friends as well - maybe he's Nucking Futs too?! ;-)

 

Good luck, let us know how you get on.

[CamGuy]

Give her a hug and say hello. Be confident.

I plan to have lunch with my ex and fix her PC this weekend.

Sure it hurts to lose her, but I can handle the friendship because I'm an adult. It's hard to drop her after decades of sharing, and she makes me laugh. Why not?

 

Hey, Im an adult too. (26). And true, I most likely still love my ex, but I am not going to pretend to be something I am not. I think that is the best adult way to handle things. Be yourself, and express how you feel. I have plenty of good friends. But I am not inlove with any of my friends. When I see my friends, I don't want to bend them over the table and "yadda yadda yadda"

 

May be a bit over the top, but there is truth to it. I can't see any self respecting man trying to be "just friends" with a girl whom he is inlove with. Maybe if she DOESNT know, but if she DOES know, it makes no sense trying to suppress how you feel.

 

When i see my ex this weekend, I plan on being polite, and civil, and cordial. But Im not going to be "buddy-buddy" with her, and start inquiring about her life, etc. To me, she is an ex; an aquaintance. And unfortunately, I just don't feel like I am "FRIENDS" with her.

[at750gr]

Mate, things are simple. You CANNOT be friends with someone you have feelings for. In my opinion, try to be yourself simply because any other plan will fail miserably. She will see right through you and then she will confirm her power over you.

[CamGuy]

Mate, things are simple. You CANNOT be friends with someone you have feelings for. In my opinion, try to be yourself simply because any other plan will fail miserably. She will see right through you and then she will confirm her power over you.

 

Oh Trust me, I plan on being nothing other than myself. I am just concerned she will get dramatic If i dont act all buddy buddy with her. But, she'll have to get over it.

[CamGuy]

Well, tonight was the night, Forgive me, because I am stil drunk, and a little teary eyed. It was one of the hardest nights of my life. I saw the ex tonight. And even though she didnt look her best, I still just wanted to grab her and kiss her. But I kept cool.

 

It was so hard, but I did keep my cool. Obviously a few drinks helped me out a bit. Im kinda lying to myself, even though she wasnt fancied out, she looked beautiful. The conversations between us were limited. She asked for a light, and she asked me if I felt uncomfortable because she was uncomfortable. I just said i was drunk,.

 

I really let this one slip away. I finally realized tonight there is not going back. It's over. It really is. it sucks,

 

but its good to finally know,