she's torturing me

[shamus]

Ok

 

I've posted my story in a few posts here.

 

the update.

 

text messaging from her wednesday...she said she love me, but doesnt want to be with me. i say fine. buzz off.

 

she proceeded over the next few days to call once in a while, not often, 2x a day, on my home and cell numbers...both calls came as restricted numbers but i know it was her

 

saturday evening

 

she calls again.

then a text from her "hot date tonight?"

I say "what kinda question is that? not gonna answer your accusations anymore(she always accused me of cheating even though she was the one talking to other guys during our relationship). It doesnt do us any favors"

Her "just feeling like you got date that's all"

me"what do you care?so stop it"

her "See you are!im not going on a date never get asked. u hatve it much better. lucky dog. go out and get laid" then "just say yes or no. i go away"

me "you already went away" "if you must know. no i dont have a date. go hang with your friends(she had just made new friends when she broke up with me-and i felt like she didnt know anyone as soon as she made friends she left me on the curb)

 

her "no they working tonight"

me "i am not your fall back safety net when you got nothing better going on. go. have fun"

 

her"ow i got people to go out with. not try to get with u. whatever. Im meeting people later. just kinda boring rather go out alone 4 now. not big deal. that what you think of me"

Me "u dont need me. you got all your new friends. so leave me alone"

 

fast forward 2:15 am

 

Her "have fun?"

me "stop f'n with me.u hurt me so much.either let me go or not.but stop hurting me. u just wanna make sure i'm gone so i dont disturb you and your new lover"(which she always accused me of-totally false

her-no no lover i wish

she calls me 3 times. i answer once saying leave me alone

 

then she texts me"ok have fun with your new lover""ow did i disturb you from your booty call.that why you answer your phone"(i guess because i havent been answering her calls, trying to move on.

her again "ow f me hard b****" "Look who the real * * * * * bag is u. u hoe bag"

 

i didnt get those last 3 until morning

she called again. i'm drunk of my * * * now.

we briefly talk but i am in no shape.

she says "are you drunk" "yep" "did you drive"

i say yep

then she says she worries about me and this isnt healthy for me. (no kidding her calling me early saturday night trying to get info out of me and stringing me along with false hope.)

i tell her dont worry about me. i was your only friend since you moved out here, but since you made new friends I'm kicked to the curb. dont worry about me ill be fine

 

silence. aftera min of silence she hangs up.

 

2 days ago. why is she still messing with my head. she goes a few days, trying to sneakily call, then texts me saturday night

earlier in the week i told her since she doesnt want to be with me let me go, i need to heal. yet she still plays these games.

 

did i handle things right? part of me still loves her and wants her back, but my heart is so scarred and scared. dont know what to do? thoughts? input.

 

thanks for listening/reading

 

my story is posted under the threads

"she left me"

"more drama"

[Celadon]

If you can block her calls and txts, do that. She's messing with you. Her behavior is just pointless and ugly, imho. She just wants to feel she can play with you and thereforeeee feel like she's still got some power. Please don't let her drag you through the mud. You deserve better.

[majord23]

Hey shamus,

Yes mate, you handled it fine....you got alot of stuff off your chest and told her what you thought of her behaviour.

 

NOW, the key is not to let her do this to you again.

 

Did you notice how paranoid her contact was? She was obviously worried/jealous that you were having fun or going out with someone else.

 

The more you denied it though, and the more you told her to leave you alone...the more angry you *both* seemed to get. So if she does this type of thing again, either ignore her completely OR just reply with one text message saying "Leave me alone." and that's it. Let her get angry, but don't drag yourself into anger by getting into a conversation with her.

 

Protect yourself shamus - getting into a dialogue - (her accusing and you denying) is hurting you. If you act indifferent and stand firm with NC or one single reply SHE will be getting more angry but YOU will find yourself alot calmer.

 

You are right in saying that she is messing with your head - even if it's not deliberate - she (seemingly) doesn't want you but doesn't want anyone else to have you.

 

Well, tough for her - when she walked out on you, she lost the right to know what you're up to, she lost the 'deed' to your heart and you are free to do whatever it is you want. She is trying to hold you back and make you feel guilty for trying moving on - that is out of order, and if you continue to react to her accusations you are validating her behaviour.

[ElektraHere]

She is messing with you and I would either block her from calling and texting you or change your number all together.

 

Obviously she doesnt have any decency to leave you alone and go on with her own life without torturing you. Next time she texts or calls dont answer either way.

[miracle29]

I can tell you right now where you messed up here and its in something you said yourself. You said and I quote "me "stop f'n with me.u hurt me so much.either let me go or not.but stop hurting me. Why is it up to her to let YOU go?

Like she is the only one who can make that call?

 

If YOU know someone is playing with you and being a cold hearted B**** then you let THEM go ...you don't wait for them to make the move.

 

That statement alone, lets her know that she is in control, and you will stay there and take whatever she gives you until SHE is ready to let you go. Does that make any sense? Think about that.

 

Thats a big mistake. Its like saying "hey i'm here forever until you say its over." I'll take your foot up my butt, a slap in the face, a kick in the loins but I'm leaving as soon as YOU let me go.

 

Let that marinate.

[shamus]

good advice

i repeated told her leave me alone

dont get why she is messing with me. its a big ego trip right there for her i think

[ElektraHere]

Like I said before you are a handsome guy who will find someone who WILL APPRECIATE you and not play these silly games.

Do not induldge her sick torture by answering her calls or answering her texts. She could care less of your feelings why should you care to talk to someone like that.

[Frangipani]

Hmmmm....next time she calls make it the last time you answer...BUT, I would say to her first before saying goodbye forever, "Do you want to get back together?" if the answer is no once again, then say you are moving on with your life and block her calls for a while...who knows, maybe you won't care if you talk to her or not after that period of time.

 

I know that in the past I have been guilty (when younger and less mature) of being jealous of my ex even though 'I' left him. But I never swore at him or abused him, but yeah I am guilty of leading him on, because I genuinly didn't know what I wanted. That was when I was 25. I am now 36 and alot wiser (I hope). I tend to ask questions now rather than fish.

 

Ask her straigh out. She says 'nup' say good bye for good.

[justmoi]

Wow she seems like such a child.

I wouldnt ask her if shed like to get back together one last time, i think your lucky in a way for her to be presented to you in this way because its truly showing you wat she is about.

 

She wants to know he still 'has you'.

I think its a huge boost to her ego to hear you say some of the things you did.

She knows she still has you...Does she still have you?

 

Maybe next time if you choose to answer the phone ask her what it is she specifically wants.

Have you tried the no contact thing at all?

[shamus]

i've been trying, went a few days, thurs, fri, all day sat. she called a few times i didnt answer until sat night. told her to either leave me alone or work it out

sat night i told her i am not her security blanket.

havent called or texted since saturday, neither has she

i hate these manipulative games she's playing

[arwen]

Hey shamus,

 

That girl is beyond any description. You can either block her, which is in fact a hard thing to do because she has her id turned off, or plain ignore her. Don't reply to texts! She seem to just want an answer to them, just to trigger some kind of reaction from you.

 

Take care,

 

Ilse

[shamus]

yeah i think so, because i havent heard back from her since saturday night.

 

glad she's showing me this uncaring side to her...it makes it easier

[shamus]

she definitely has a dark side.

 

still the urge to text her is unbearable. that's why i am writing here.

hate it.

why is it that those we love the most we hurt the most?

do we take them for granted.

and how come we come back for more abuse

[miracle29]

People want what they can't have! And most people like this girl , can sniff desperation a mile away. And she'll play on that until you have no dignity left. Leave her be...and heal first. She seems like a real loser to me. Sometimes we can't believe that someone can live without us...its an ego thing. Be careful because that same ego can keep drawing you in and its a horrible cycle. She abuses you, you chase...she runs..you chase more, she knows you need her, and sniffs the desperation and well....the cycle repeats.

[Celadon]

why is it that those we love the most we hurt the most?

do we take them for granted.

and how come we come back for more abuse

 

IF I knew ahead of time why we stay in bad relationships, I wouldn't have agreed to get back together with my ex for a final round of abuse.

 

Now, I'm just determined to choose a really good person, one not given to manipulation and self-absorption. Believe me, there are always red flags with these kinds of people. Unfortunately, when we are in love, we choose to ignore the signs - but they're there. No one goes from completely wonderful and stable to a sadistic manipulator overnight. I believe in love, but I should have been wiser. While I was holding on in the name of love, he was thinking of himself.

 

Believe me, we're both better off without the abusive ex's, Shamus.

[shamus]

yeah last night and today were bad days.

i held the phones, and came dangerouslyclose to texting her. she had made contact with me last week, but never said i want to work it out. well, not true. last monday we met for coffee, said mabe we do couples counseling. i agreed. then said, let's keep this between us. i dont want other people knowing of our dirty laundry and that we are trying until we accomplish something. dont want more drama.

later that night, she told me she doesnt want to try, that i hurt her feelings. if she's that sensitive, and cant even talk to me about how she feels, it isnt worth going through the aggravation of trying if she holds every little thing against me and throws it back at me later instead of telling me how she feels and trying t come up with a solution.

[Phoenix69]

Hmmmm....next time she calls make it the last time you answer...BUT, I would say to her first before saying goodbye forever, "Do you want to get back together?" if the answer is no once again, then say you are moving on with your life and block her calls for a while...who knows, maybe you won't care if you talk to her or not after that period of time.QUOTE]

 

Honestly Shamus, you need to ask her this question. If she doesn't say Yes, then it is time to move on. As hard as it seems, especially if there is even a glimmer of hope that you two will sort it out, even if she says she doesn't know yet. It's time to have ABSOLUTELY NC. Delete her number and everything to do with her, put all the memories in a box and put the box away until you are strong enough to deal with it.

 

Take some time for yourslef, you will feel a MILLION times better after you realised that you are a great person and deserve to be treated with respect

[shamus]

she wants nothing to do with me now.

after last week with the messages, and earlier in the week meeting me for coffee, agreeing to counselling then backing out, and showing up at my door the next day(when she came in she checked my bedroom closet as if i had someone over), now she doesnt want anything to do with me.

 

she ignored me again today, sent me a text to f off...

 

i hate these games.

feel so used and manipulated by her, yet i miss her so much

[justmoi]

Shamus,

I dont think you actually miss HER. And i think if you thought about this ud agree that THIS NOW is her.

 

You miss the way she appeared to you in the very beginning, u are inlove with the thought of what could of been..and u still want that.

Any little bit of crumbs, hope even, she throws your way u will latch on to because your hooked on the illusion of what 'could of been'.

 

You can still have all of what u wish for in a relationship ,u deserve it just not with her..but seriously start afresh next week..Stay in n/c STRICT..Do it for you think of how great and strong you will feel about yourself when u get through your 1st month of n/c!

 

Stay focused ull get through this hun x

[shamus]

So it's saturday night.

i miss her so. yet she wants nothing to do with me.

i keep thinking about her going out with her new friends, and i know there are some guys interested in her. so the worst thoughts go through my mind.

i could go out, but my social circle is small, and i am sick of the bar scene. so the lonliness creeps in.

i wish i could forget her...it sucks.

[Celadon]

Yes, shamus, it sucks. I've been there, and it sounds like most other people here have been there too. And ya know, it's going to keep sucking for awhile - that's the hard reality of it. Loneliness? Yeah. Anger? Yeah. Screaming that the world is unfair? Yeah. Barely getting out of bed in the morning? Yeah, that too.

 

BUT. It will get better. You will feel better. Your life is not always going to feel this awful. Take it from me. I dated a guy for more than a year. He broke up with me. Six months later, he comes back and we date again. Four months later, he breaks up with me AGAIN!! Talk about feeling like a used piece of Kleenex!

 

And today? I couldn't be happier. I expanded my circle of friends. I date. I've always got activities to do. I've got hope.

 

Hang in there shamus. You'll get through it.

[crvers]

Dude, u need to get angry. Like Honestly. You put a reply on an old thread that i did and it helped a little. The only advice that I myself can give is..listen to everyone on this board. I used to be a really great dater. I could date like the best of them. But the flip side of that was I met alot of pyschos before my significant ex.

 

I've played and been played. From everything that i have read from ur side is she's playing u good. She's got a leash on ya and is tugging it like one of those Fleix dog leashes. Some people think those leashes are cruel since the dog gets to run 20 ft and then is * * * *ed over and pulled into 2 ft from ya. That made no real sense. But my point is get out. Delete everything that is her from ur life. Don't answer the door when she comes around. Don't answer the phone when she calls. Hell leave the phones in the another room from u, thats what I did to avoid using it. AND get the hell outta ur house. I know right now thats my worst enemy. Like even if ur just gonna chill at a buddies and watch tv...do it cause its better than hanging at home with ur thoughts.

 

Your going thru a rough time and she's being a b-itch. Seriously, this actually angers me with the crap that she's pulling. Best thing u can do is get angry and shut her down. Your the only person who can do it and words ain't helping her stay away from ya. (Don't mean to sound harsh, sorry)

[shamus]

crvers

glad i can help.

oh im angry at myself for being strung along

angry at her for telling me she loved me and wanted to work thiings out, then dropping me flat when she started making friends, yet if i knew any females she instantly accused me of sleeping with them.

i need to hear the harsh reality

no woman has ever messed me up so bad...so im on here whining away tyring to let my heart heal.

the way she takes me for granted, puts me on a leash, unacceptable

thanks for your kind words, i want to hear the reality, i need a slap in the face

[crvers]

Well slaps I can do. LOL....look like I said I am flat on my * * * over my ex right now too.

 

Before my ex, like I said I dated alot of girls. I was good at getting them, but not holding onto them. But especially, as my friends always say, I was really good at meeting the pyschos. These were girls who were very good at * * * *ing with ur head. U give them a little control over u and they would throw u fer a loop. I went thru alot of pissed off moments with them because some would actually get control over me.

 

So u want the harsh reality....this lady sounds like the queen of super b-itchtom. Seriously I am trying to make u laugh because u need to start laughing about the situation. From the sounds of it u got more control over this then her, but ur allowing her to control u. YOUR the one whose telling her to go away. YOUR the one telling her to leave u alone. AND YOUR the one who is trying to move on. Now think of her side: SHES the one coming to ur door. SHES the one who is txting u constantly. SHES the one whose calling and leaving messages.

 

From the sounds of it shes chasing u more then u r her. But the thing is everytime u let her in she tries and flips it around on ya. You have the control mate, its in ya ta use it. Hey ur a great looking guy. Girls dig tall guys. (at least u look tall) You got alot going fer ya. It hurts and life/she is being a b-itch right now.

 

But like I said your worst enemy is ur home. U need to stay outta it. I have been hanging with friends, going to the gym fer 2 hours every other day, going fer walks, spending money (which can be fun, I think women have something on this), going to every movie in the theater and listening to buttloads of breakup music...download this song for the Dumped" by Ben Folds Five. Good breakup song, make it ur mantra. (and breakup music I mean stuff that energizes u to life). If its sunny, go fer a walk. Go on a trip, fly down to mexico fer a week and have a blast...my buddies and I are going to do it this summer.

 

Bottom line: For sanity: fu-ck her, chuck her, block her and just get rid of her. She's playing with you and that just not cool. And if u stop letting her tell u things, it'll stop making u feel like total crappola