Breaking up becaue shes too good for me

[Skippy]

OK, logically it is such a stupid comment, why would i possible want to end something that is good in my life. really..why??

because in am not good enough for her. becuase i keep disappointing her. I try my best but i keep on falling short. I hate disappointing her, i know that after disappointing anyone enough time they would want to walk away. It upsets me when i just don't meet the expectations. No the expectations are not high, it is just that i am a layed back person, and i dont know how to plan and organise very well. i work hard , but my planning sucks!..

So, baack to where i am, i am thinking of ending it because the relationship is still in a good condition, it sometimes rocky but we enjoy each other very much. I want to end it on a high note. SHe is very important to me and i dont want to end this relationsip with anger or hate or extreme disspointment. IN other words her being disspointed with me, i would like her and i to look back in time as say that we had such a get time together and not trey to forget that we every knew each other.

 

I am angry and frustrated with myself and even disappointed that, at one hand i have the best thing i ever wanted in my life but i fear i would dissaopint her and on the other hand i want to end it because i will disaapoint her.

 

And no i havent done anything majority stupid, it is just that i am dis-organised by nature that may wreck this relationship.

 

Your opinions Please

[xblondyx]

I think you should talk to her about how your feeling. You may not actually be disappointing her, you may just have high expectations of yourself but low self esteem.

 

If she's a good thing in your life, don't lose her. Talk to her and let her know what's going on in your head. You two will be able to sort it out that way.

 

Good luck in whatever you do

[Momene]

I think it's more likely that she's high maintenance in that she's very demanding. I think you need to stand up for yourself more and tell her she should accept you for who you are. If it's really a lot of hassle for you, why save it? Any kids or other reason for staying???

[Yvette84]

My bf just broke up with me for this SAME reason, except he said I was too demanding because he could never be who I needed him to be and he felt too much preassure. he said I gave so much and he couldn't give back that much. It really hurts to be dumped for that reason because everything else in the relationship is great and then it just ends, because the guy isn't able to put in more effort. it just doesn't make sense to us girls!! if you really love someone you should try your hardest. everyone has to make changes in relationships. you sound alot like my ex. I don't know, I just know how she feels.

[Liam Weic]

if you really love someone you should try your hardest.

 

 

I remember i wanted to break up with my ex for the same reasons as this guy...but that was on top of all the other problems we had...well we did break up , but i remember this line coming from her a lot.

 

goes to show how the guy never does enough

[mystik]

My bf just broke up with me for this SAME reason, except he said I was too demanding because he could never be who I needed him to be and he felt too much preassure. he said I gave so much and he couldn't give back that much. It really hurts to be dumped for that reason because everything else in the relationship is great and then it just ends, because the guy isn't able to put in more effort. it just doesn't make sense to us girls!! if you really love someone you should try your hardest. everyone has to make changes in relationships. you sound alot like my ex. I don't know, I just know how she feels.

 

My ex also gave me some of this "reasoning" when he broke up with me. I too was sooo angry and upset. I said to him "but I never even asked much from you, I did everything I could for you, and you couldn't even do the simpliest minimal things I asked of you" and he said "yes, and I still have feelings for you, but maybe that's why we have to break up."

 

I was quite angry at his logic and thought he should have just tried harder...made more of an effort. I gave everything and asked for nothing.

 

if you really love someone you should try your hardest. everyone has to make changes in relationships.

 

I think this is the most important thing to realize. Althought absolutely distraught at being dumped, I now know what I want in my next relationship. I, as do you Yvette84, deserve someone who loves us that much.

 

Skippy, if you really do love her, you'll make your best efforts. You say you do, but do you really? HOWEVER, it also depends on her expecations of you. Are they too high? are they unreasonable requests? Or does she expect nothing from you except your full love and yet you can't do that? Or maybe it is a matter of incompatibility - you just can't give each what the other wants.

 

 

Ending on a 'high note' is not necessarily better than ending it with anger or resentment. That's because it won't make any sense to her whatsoever, and she will feel like you ended it for no (good) reason at all. It's so much more frustrating when you don't understand why it ended. Don't end a relationship because you're afraid of something what she might or might not do.

 

You really need to talk to her about how you feel and see if this relationship can be saved before you jump the gun and just end it.

[SilverCloud]

The worst reason to break up with someone is over something that can be fixed...this is fixable.

the things that i consider most likely not fixable are cheating, total loose of love and not being happy in a relationship. If you have one of these then by all means break up with her, and also give her the proper reason.

Breaking over something sooo small is cruel and then you shouldnt even care about doing it before you start resenting her.

Relationships take work and you just seem to be running from it. I agree with everyone else if her expectations are too high then its reasonable but not trying to reach a median and just quiting just makes you a quiter.

I am sorry to be harsh but i got dumped without reason too and to this day i wonder what happened and at times even feel low self esteem cause of it.

[Skippy]

thanks all for your suggestions and replies.

i believe that am putting alot of effort in this relationship, i am the more emotionally expressive by nature. I would do most anything for her as long as it doesnt go against my principles. She hasnt and will never ask me to go aginst my principle as her principle level are the same as mine if not higher. She is a wonderful person, driven, organised, well rounded personally beautiful etc. for me i have my faults, somewhat not as driven as her, in my life i look for love as a priority and careera second. (kind of opposite to her.) Don;t mistake me, i believe i am not a bum, i am passionate about my work but i am more passonate about the love and having someone that i care about i my life. I can survive without someone quite easily but i8 think i am a romantic.. maybe,

I feel frustrated with myself that i may not be able to give her what she wants in her life now and in the future. I disappointed her by not doing the simpliest of things properly, but to be honest in all reality i am secretly disappointed with myself, but being responisible for myself is easier to handle then being reasonsible for dissappointing myself and her.

IS that a losers attitude?? Maybe..... i am trying to stop this habit of being unorganised. It will take time, (not something that stops over night) and to know that i will disappoint ehr along the way hurts me.

Basically, i dont want to hurt her and i know that along the way of changing my Habit i WILL disappoint her. IT is a heavy weight on my shoulders to know that i will disappoint someone i care and love so much.

 

Yes, i suppose i now realise that being unorgainsed is a habit, an addition. xblondyx u might be right there. high expectation and low self esteme, last year effected me very badly, but that is another story.

 

The question is, i know she is a good thing in my life. she fills it, rounds it, she makes it a happier place. i dont want to disappoint her, i dont want to be the one might cast a shadow in her life and her memories.

 

I suppose after yakking on like this, i have realised one thing, "do i want to be responsible for the outcome of this relationship??"..If i want to make a change in my life about being organised and look to the future , i have to accept this responsibility as part of the process, i hope she is willing to hang in there with me.

 

THis whole topic is quite silly in all reality, but but logic and emotions dont always go hand in hand. Its hard.

 

As for you ladies out there that has had relationships end because of the "you are too good for me", i hope this has helped.

 

Basically, if you dont get it, put simply.

"I dont think i am good enough for you, me and and the relatrionship at the moment. For it to work there has to changes in my life. It will take time and it will cause pain, sometimes alot of pain and i dont want to be responisible to the pain i WILL inflict on you. So i have a choice, to preserve the good times and momories or i risk losing all, momeries and good friend and my ego. (having someone think you are a f!@k up is not a good feeling especially when you love them) It is a really heavy burden to carry though one's life.

SO i weight it, either way, I (myself) choose to change but i risk disappointing her now or later, so it comes down to the strenght of the relationship. Hope our feelings for one another is strong enough.

 

I hope this has helped you guys as much as it has helped me.

[WildChild]

Skippy, is this the same gal from a few months back?

[Boundaries]

Wish I had your problem.

[Skippy]

wildchild .... YEAH...hahah,, still remember me huh

things has progressed.

Isn't funny, people find it easier to say YOU YOU YOU,

it si so hard to say it is ME as it means that i have to tear myself apart to find out my beliefs, faults as well as strenghts. So hard to not lie to yourself and tell the truth to yourself

[WildChild]

Ah, but within yourself is where you will find the answers grasshopper

[Skippy]

wildchild, how are you doing?

[TheLegend]

so you have two choices, one positive one negative,

Negative: You continue to be unorganised and lose (leave & lose) the person you love.

 

Positive: You keep the person you love, and work on your bad habits which will even help you in your future life.

 

So, why keep the negative, you'll have to work on your bad habits/points at one time or another in your life. So you should just start working on them right now, stop acting lazy and keep your girlfriend as well

 

I don't even see the question here. It's pretty clear what you have to do.

 

ps: I can't believe I'm saying these to you lol, I should start listening to my own advice!

[evy38]

so you have two choices, one positive one negative,

Negative: You continue to be unorganised and lose (leave & lose) the person you love.

 

Positive: You keep the person you love, and work on your bad habits which will even help you in your future life.

 

So, why keep the negative, you'll have to work on your bad habits/points at one time or another in your life. So you should just start working on them right now, stop acting lazy and keep your girlfriend as well

 

I don't even see the question here. It's pretty clear what you have to do.

 

ps: I can't believe I'm saying these to you lol, I should start listening to my own advice!

 

So smart, for such a young man.

[WildChild]

Well, Skippy, it's been a long and winding road. Ended the relationship last week, and he has basically asked for a reconciliation. There's a dilemma. Finally work up the nerve to really stand my ground and then he does the unthinkable. BUT I got to my decision because I looked within myself and was truthful with myself HINT HINT

[Karibo]

She will be so angry if you break up with her for this reason! Believe me I know - it's happened to me twice and it's sooo annoying when a guy says "you're too good for me. You can do better. You'll just end up getting bored and disappointed by me.' I mean it's like 'Hello! How can you make these decisions for me?' In both cases, i really liked the guy but they were just too insecure to trust that I liked them as much as they liked me! I definetly wasn't disspleased at all with either of them - just made me sooo angry that they backed out just because they were scared i would get bored of them. Also i found it quite rude that they thought they knew what i was thinking. But hey, I guess they were right, because them saying that to me has made me disappointed in them.

[Skippy]

thank karibo,

 

i suppose i forget at times that it isnt fair to make a decision for someone else especailly in a relationship.

I somehow have to shake this insecurity thing off. One question though, hav you ever thought that sometimes it s your actions or reactions to certain situations that causes guys to think that you dont love them??

Are you the exxpressive type? or are the guys that are with youmore expressive.

[Belle]

Skippy,

 

I did a little background reading from some of your other posts. You remind me of my boyfriend. Gee, I wonder if he's thinking the same things in his head.

 

I'm guessing that you're young and don't realize that opportunities like this do not come easily, and if you let her go it's entirely probable that you won't get another shot. Especially for teh reason. S he wont' understand or believe you. Even if she does she may lose respect for you that you're willing to let her go as opposed to trying to grow with her.

 

It sounds tempting to cut her loose while you have the power to do so as opposed to being cut loose for being laid back and disappointing her. You can mitigate the pain that way. At least you believe so. However, if you do it I believe you're going to wake up one day and it's going to hurt a whole lot worse when you realize what you've done.

 

Yes, sometimes I wish my boyfriend was more organized, a little more ambitious and efficient. He's laid back and he's not as driven as I am. But I prefer laid back guys because they're easier to get along with and I care about him a great deal for that quality. Personally I'm willing to accept a little disappointment now and then because the benefits of getting along outweigh perfection.

[WildChild]

Skippy, has she opened up to you more? Are you still feeling like you are the one putting forth most of the effort?

[Skippy]

yeah she has opened up to me but she is still somewhat reserved. I suppose it is a difference in up bringing. it's hard at times. I suppose that i have to admit that each person ha a difference definition of what love is and at times her difinition and y definition just dont click.

i think communication is everything whilst she thinks at times it is over rated. HAHAHAHA

 

she is an aquarius and i am picses. Thus i am lovey dovey and she at times is independed. Sigh. The thing is ,i am flexible and she is more rigid thus i feel at times that i have to keep trying not to dissappoint her. Do you know what i mean??

 

put simply i love her but it is so hard that sometimes it is not recprocated or i keep screwing up whcih effects the trust level.

 

sigh

[WildChild]

Does she tell you or indicate in words or actions that you are disappointing her?

[Skippy]

yes the other days. screwed up on something i was suppose to get to her at a particular time. the word trust was used.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Hey ho Skippy... nearly have done this myself, and I think it's due to self esteem issues.

 

As long as you arnt doing anything that really means you dont deserve her- cheating being the main example, or with her for money, ya know, things like that- then she has chosen to be with you and thereforeeee, that DOES make you good enough.

 

It might help to have a talk with her and explain that sometimes you arnt as organised as youd like to be, although I expect she picks up on just how hard you try..thoughtfullness usually comes through in a person.

Never think anyone is *too good* for you, we are all human, and I think she'd be a bit upset to hear you being down on yourself,SHE obviously thinks you're great. Its a little like that with my BF, he has said he doesnt think hes good enough for me, but in my opinion hes fantastic.

[WildChild]

yes the other days. screwed up on something i was suppose to get to her at a particular time. the word trust was used.

 

Well, as you have mentioned previously you have a problem of not being organized. It was disappointing I'm sure for her if you had told her you would be somewhere at a certain time and you weren't. Now if we are talking a mere few minutes, well then that is a whole other issue on her part. However, if you failed to show or you kept her waiting for a while it would be frustrating. Could you please elaborate on this