Healthy & Unhealthy Relationships

[Spawn]

So how do you people rate healthy and unhealthy relationships?

 

what are the qualities you look for, what is it like being in a healthy relationship, perhaps the secrets or esssense of a healthy relationship...

 

just need some pointers....

 

thanks.

[xmrth]

What I've learned about what a healthy relationship is balance... balance between a life with them, a life outside of them, and a life you both share that consists of the life you have outside of eachother.

 

An unhealthy relationship would be where you plan everything around the person you're with, and they are essentially, your whole entire life, and depend all of your happiness on them.

[DN]

In a word: balance.

 

Each partner gives as much as they receive, each is equally loving, supportive, dependent and independent.

[b8s]

the thing that i have learned from this past relationship i had. i will never get involved with someone who says they are scared to be hurt again.

 

everyone has been hurt i have just been, now and in the past but i have never started a new relationship worrying that this person might hurt me. you will allways have your guard up waiting for it to happen and you will never get to enjoy what you have..

 

so it will never be healthy if you cant give yourself totaly

[xblondyx]

In my opinion, a healthy relationship is NOT spending too much time with each other. Not forget your friends, go out with them and things that that. Don't cancel on your friends to go out with your partner.

Don't constantly be with/talk to your partner, give them space --> absense makes the heart grow fonder!

[Mrocza]

- Getting your emotional needs fulfilled

 

- Being happy with the person (ties into the first)

 

-Resolving conflicts mutually, so there is no winner, no open-ended arguments and no resentment

 

- No games, power trips, ploys

 

-Mutual understanding

 

-Privacy and space

 

- harmony of wants, not necessarily matching goals in life, but knowing you both value each other equally

 

- Fainess and mutual respect

 

- Being able to let some things go, knowing when to shut up

[TiredMan]

the thing that i have learned from this past relationship i had. i will never get involved with someone who says they are scared to be hurt again.

 

everyone has been hurt i have just been, now and in the past but i have never started a new relationship worrying that this person might hurt me. you will allways have your guard up waiting for it to happen and you will never get to enjoy what you have..

 

so it will never be healthy if you cant give yourself totaly

 

I think that depends on the person and what the "hurt" is, in my opinion. If someone had a breakup after a year where the other person decided they didn't love them anymore is not the same as if someone was with another person for lets say 6 years and came home to find them having sex with their (the first person) best friend. Or if someone was physically abused and so forth.

 

If someone says to me "im scared of being hurt" I actually would respect that they can be honest about it.

[Momene]

I would say that (totally) healthy relationships exist only in a perfect world or in someone's imagination. What may have been healthy to start with may change, as the world changes and people change. Balance is important but, over time, the balance will change.

 

Unhealthy relationships also can improve for the same reason.

 

Each relationship has elements which are healthy and unhealthy.

[RayKay]

Healthy:

 

You feel absolutely comfortable being whom YOU are, you feel accepted and loved without a need to change whom you are. You have a balance with each other, where neither of you is giving up whom you are, or your interests to become what you think the other wants.

 

You have a mutual respect and understanding for one another - no mind games, passive aggressiveness, trying to change one another.

 

You are both emotionally fulfilled, rather then emotionally drained.

 

Compatibility - you don't have to be the same, but there should be a natural wavelength, where you work together as partners. And you should share similar goals and values for your relationship.

 

No one said it would always be easy, but there should be an equal commitment and desire to work through those less easy times, and there is no reason not to feel loved and respect even through difficult times.

 

You do not have to ask "is this a healthy relationship"

 

Unhealthy:

 

The cost of being half of a relationship is all of you as an individual. You try to change whom you are to keep them happy, to the point you lose yourself.

 

There is any form of abuse.

 

Dishonesty, lies, cheating, disrespect.

[Spawn]

thanks for all the replies........some nice and very good thoughts and advices there.

 

I am sure i will keep all those in mind when coming back to the dating scene after some months from now.

[Skippy]

i suppose only 4 words comes to mind. Total trust, total faith.

 

IMO, balance, independence, give, receive, support are just words that sit on Trust.

 

So my theory is this, if you can trust yourself and the person you are with, you are in a balanced relationship, otherwise you aren't.

 

It takes time to build that trust so thus you are in a unbalanced relationship until you find the person that you can trust.

[Spawn]

thanks, yup sometimes i feel little patience and adjustment is also required......well that would count in balance thing as well.

 

But i don't understand, i have known and been hearin so many relationships that last for many years and but still somewhere they loose it, wonder what you guys have to say about those relationships.

[Skippy]

TIme makes people change, it is normal process.

i think that it is a choice to grow together or grow apart.

it is a CHOICE, a DECSION to make the effort to grow together.

Being in a relationship requires alot of effort, choices has to be made and scarifices too..

 

i suppose i break it down to 4 things that can happen to a relationship.

Effort - Building and growing together (trust etc)

No effort - just relying on what happens just happens.

Laziness - knowing what you have to do but not doing it.

Betrayal - Delibrate act that destroys trust

[Momene]

TIme makes people change, it is normal process.

i think that it is a choice to grow together or grow apart.

it is a CHOICE, a DECSION to make the effort to grow together.

Being in a relationship requires alot of effort, choices has to be made and scarifices too..

i suppose i break it down to 4 things that can happen to a relationship.

Effort - Building and growing together (trust etc)

No effort - just relying on what happens just happens.

Laziness - knowing what you have to do but not doing it.

Betrayal - Delibrate act the destroys trust

Have to say with us it's a case of laziness and no effort. Neither of us have much energy at the mo' and we're busy fighting our own personal demons. Sad but true.

[Skippy]

Momene,

SOrry to hear about that, person demons takes the most out of us. I hope things work out with both of you.

II heard that just taking a course together at a collage sometie brings 2 people close together... It isn;t the effort of bring togetherm it is just doing thigs together.