Starting fresh and getting back together after 6 months

[selfi]

Hi there,

 

Everything that I thought would never happen,has happened. And Im absolutely happy and grateful, as me and Evan are now back together again after nearly 6 months apart.

 

I was tossing up whether to explain the situation again for most of you who are unfamiliar with it, but Ill save you the lengthy post and just summarise.

 

He left me in October last year, citing no reason for the split at all. Though we both knew it was due to emotional burnout, too much, too fast. This left me with my first proper heartbreak and I didnt know how to deal with at all, until I somehow stumbled accross this forum.

Due to my unwillingness to let go, he pulled my strings for another 3 months after that, we slept with eachother during that period which made it all the painful for me. (The brute of it is in this thread here )

 

 

I had the power to stop all of this pain, but CHOSE not to, as I thought, as many posters on this forum think, 'theres gotta be something other than NC that will show them the way back to me'

 

On the 1st January, he had enough of my almost daily call ringing him up sobbing and pleading and initiated indefinate NC for us.

At first I didnt know what to do:

 

I look back now and am so glad he did that because Id hate to see how things would have been without it

 

I spent the college break, doing all the cliched but essential things that must be done whilst healing, like setting goals for myself etc etc

Time seemed to pass really slowly but posting on here was always thereputic

 

 

On the 1st of March, college started up again, and as we are both in the same class the ex and I started talking. As predicted it felt quite strange as we both didnt know how to approach things, but for the most part, we were getting along really well, and an obvious chemistry was still there.

Weve been contacting and seeing eachother since then and,havent been physical at all (bar this ONE incident which funnily enough decided we shouldnt do anything together until we are concrete with a decision)

 

Now we have decided to take things very slowly, and most importantly start fresh. This isnt a continuation of what we had last year, nor are we forgetting we were together then, its just that we want to start things new.

 

I dont have any pioneering advice or pointers to offer anyone to be honest, what I can stress though is for three months last year, I suffered a case of depression I wouldnt wish apon even my greatest enemy. When I think about how sad and low I felt back then, it actually brings me to tears to think I let a break up do that to me. The only thing I regret, is not doing No Contact as soon as the relationship ended. So to anyone out there who thinks they have a better plan than NC, trust me, you dont.

 

I'd just like to thank with utmost apprecition and love everybody who ever read and offered me advice. (and for staying patient with me when Id declare things like "I hate NC, but I want advice right now on what to do" !)

In particular Liquid Cherry, Charliek, Pikey, Veritas,Cantforget, cooolsome, bkjsun, hawk, and outoftheblue. Ive probably missed some whilst scrolling through but there ya go...

If I didnt have this forum to go to I dont know what I would have done!

THANKYOU!

[Torchbearer]

"So to anyone out there who thinks they have a better plan than NC, trust me, you dont."

 

I'm not sold on NC just yet but I'm trying to do it on blind faith. In theory I suppose I can work but who in the hell has the strength to hold on that long?

 

Horrible day for me today after having 3 good ones. She called me Monday and I still haven't recovered.

[selfi]

Read the above first link I put up on my post Torchbearer, it follows my path when I too wasnt sold on NC and didnt do it.

You'll see how not only it got me nowhere, but totally hindered any progress, I could of made.

[kadvati79]

and as we are both in the same class the ex and I started talking

 

NC applied to the point you can handle your emotions and keep them in check.

 

Some may be able to do this after day one of breakup, but for most - its going to take weeks if not months.

 

I think a good lesson here is to use NC for the purpose it is intended, healing, and then - if once you have healed you still feel the risks of contacting are outweighed by the benefit - then follow your heart to whatever end seems appropriate.

[Midgi]

Yes I believe in NC now. My ex commanded NC on me because I did not leave him alone. After 5 weeks I findally got an e-mail from him but it feels good... because I do not feel needy.

 

Good luck to you!

[selfi]

yes Midgi, my ex did the same thing, and its great to no longer have that needing isnt it? I know when I was healing, the pivotal point in my progress was when I could wake up in the morning and not feel that gut pain in my stomach knowing that he wasnt going to call.

Of course, the situation is different now, but I'll just stress again, that I wouldnt be with him today if NC wasnt implemented. (He told me recentely

whilst we were totally apart, the space made him realise he still had feelings for me)

It worked becuase i stopped using it as a tactic to get him back, and got myself back first and foremost (sorry for the cliche)

[Pikey1972]

This is excellent news selfi, I'm really pleased for you!

 

Remember, take it one step at a time, and look after yourself; you'll be fine!

 

Keep us posted,

 

Pikey

[coooolsome]

Congratulations Selfi. I hope everything works out with you two. Yes, NC is the best thing you can do. I will help you heal which is the most important thing you can do.

 

I would say you are doing the right thing. Take things slowly and act like its a new relationship. Remember though, you did break up once and there were reasons for it. Dont forget the reasons and make sure they get fixed otherwise the same outcome will occur.

[BONO]

 

 

 

 

Need I post more ?

 

 

 

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Scruff ( In the French Alps )

[selfi]

Congratulations Selfi. I hope everything works out with you two. Yes, NC is the best thing you can do. I will help you heal which is the most important thing you can do.

 

I would say you are doing the right thing. Take things slowly and act like its a new relationship. Remember though, you did break up once and there were reasons for it. Dont forget the reasons and make sure they get fixed otherwise the same outcome will occur.

 

yep, thats why tomorrow both of us are going to sit down and have a good talk about things, not plan our relationship of course, but discuss issues that may have been a concern from last year. that way we go into everything with the best attitude from the get go. im very excited as both of us are so happy, confidant and realistic right now! (so much of that is attributed to Enotalone!)

 

thanks for the well wishes everyone

[jojean]

good to hear that one of us find the good way of handling things

Wish u all the best

[Belgian girl]

Congratulaions and keep on doing the good work

[NubianLove]

Wonderful post. I'm doing the NC right now, and its going to be hard after 8yrs but I'm taking it one day at a time, and throwing my energy into myself and my life.

[LadyV]

I didn't get the whole 'NC' thing until i did it properly. I tried but failed miserably at first but was determined to crack it. It wasn't easy but i got there in the end & it worked a treat. Like you, my ex came back but most importantly, it helped me to put an end to the down days. I picked myself up, moved on & knew i'd be ok. 'NC' does work!!!!!!!!