Courage For The First Time

[Prenkle]

I've always had an innate fear of asking anybody to be with me - to do anything. I assume that people don't like to be with me because I'm boring and I would never want anyone to feel pressured into being with me. Even if it was for a simple board game like checkers or chess.

 

But today I finally mustered up the courage to ask this guy if he would like to play chess with me. (This is the first time I have ever asked a guy to do something with me - anything.) I know he's a chess fan and I'm a very big chess fan myself. His reply was that he usually plays with his friends. All I could say was oh. He usually plays with his friends which meant he wouldn't even want to consider playing with me. That hurt. I was hoping he would say "Sure. I usually play with my friends, but I'd love to play with you sometime." But not even that. I know I'm not a great chess player but still.

 

My first attempt at asking someone to do something friendly together failed. My initial reaction was to blame myself. What was I thinking? Of course, he doesn't want to play with me. After a few hours of this though, I realized that despite this failed attempt, I was proud of myself for asking. For taking a chance. Maybe the next time will be easier. I can't regret that I didn't try.

[BellaDonna]

My first attempt at asking someone to do something friendly together failed

I think it's great that you found the courage to ask him. The more times you ask these kinds of things, the higher probability you will have for hearing "yes". Don't let this stop you from asking someone else.

 

In the case of this particular guy- it's his loss if he does not want to play chess with you.

 

 

BellaDonna

[renaissancewoman101]

Prenkle, at least you took a chance and asked. So what if he declined your offer. You made the first move and you should be proud of yourself. There are other guys/people out there. Don't blame yourself. It was his loss. Not get out there and ask another person to play chess or do whatever.

 

I used to be like you, be afraid to ask for things, ask people to do things. I then realized that people would overlook me and I decided to speak up for myself about things and it has done me some good. It takes practice and a few falls on your face, but it is well worth it.

[Ash]

He may not have realized the great step you took in asking him this. It's certainly not your fault, and very well done for asking in the first place. That takes a lot of courage to face something you have difficulty with.

 

Please don't get discouraged. I also wouldn't be too quick to brush this guy off as being a lost cause. Does he know that you are interested and/or how well you play? He might be concerned if you are far worse and he'd be bored, or are far better and he'd been picked because you thought you'd win. I realize neither is true, but does he?) Perhaps he has a girlfriend and is worried about what she would think. Perhaps he is shy at well. There could be a number of things going on in his head when you asked.

[mystik]

His reply was that he usually plays with his friends. All I could say was oh. He usually plays with his friends which meant he wouldn't even want to consider playing with me. That hurt. I was hoping he would say "Sure. I usually play with my friends, but I'd love to play with you sometime." But not even that. I know I'm not a great chess player but still.

 

He seems rude...all I would be able to say is "oh" too! (and I am a pretty social person). You're right, this was definitely nothing to do with you, he seems to lack some decent social skills...or one of those things Ash mentioned.

[Mun]

Hey I'm really glad you did this and, in my opinion, you got an even bigger reward which is how you now feel about yourself. A big step to coming out of your shell and gaining new confidence.

To me that is greater than a game of chess...but then I'm not a big chess fan

[tylercdurden2004]

It doesnt matter the activity chess is fun for some boring for other, but i have feeling the "company" is more important. Maybe he was thinking "what are we going to talk about while playing chess". Take a look at how other people might feel while being wiht you, you described yourself as boring well if you see yourself that way than its a good bet other will to. If you are playing chess with him would you just stare at the board, would you talk about what you did on the weekend? Try to see it from his point of view. Its a huge first step just asking and thats whats important is that you stepped out of your comfort zone. I am a really outgoing person and I am sure to some I am "boring" but the more people I meet the more people I have the chance of being "exciting" with. I have lots of friends who are shy and quiet and I would say a good handful are not considered boring. Shy and boring are not one in the same.

[Prenkle]

Hearing everyone's encouragement really made me feel better. Thanks everyone.

[Tigris]

Well done for asking! It's his loss not yours.

 

I wish you better luck next time.