Sick of trying!!

[cobro]

I am at a point in my life where I am tired of trying to make things work in realationships. I am 23, about to graduate from college and enter the real world. During my college career I've been on numerous dates, broke 2 girls hearts during short relationships, had my heart broken 1 time during my last, and longest (2year) relationship. That ended in April (see previous posts). Now I meet someone new, we have been talking/hanging out everyday for 3 weeks. And now I find myself not hearing from her in the last three days. I tried hard not to make her think she was the rebound chick, but deep in my heart I think she was. I still think about my ex everyday, have dreams about her, see people who know her, hear songs that remind me of her, smell smells that remind me of her, see girls that remind me of her, cry every once in a while by myself. I can't see how I can start a relationship with thoughts like these, I try to block them out then something will trigger them. I don't understand, it's been 2 months, just when I think I'm over her I find I'm not. So now I find myself alone again, the new girl hasn't called in 3 days, I am telling myself she is just busy, but I know why she hasn't called. I must give off some rebound vibes. Hmm. I didn't talk about my ex to her unless she asked. I was too nice, I ran a couple of errands for her when she was sick, I brought her dinner, I guess she didn't see it working. I must have spent over $200 in dates and gas money. All for nothing if she doesn't want anything with me. So I ask, what is the point in trying anymore? Why go through all the pain in getting to know someone to find out it's not going anywhere? I never dated during high school, so the last few years have been my dating experience, all in college. Maybe I lack experience? I don't know and I'm tired of searching. If she doesn't call in the next few days I'll give it one last shot and call her. I'm so mentally tired, I just feel like being single. Screw the companionship, the kisses, hugs, falling in love, holding hands, having someone to talk to, the public display of affection, the thought knowing that that person is YOUR girlfriend. It's just not worth it right now. Has anyone been where I've been and are you better? I feel like I'm on a long and winding road to healing. When will it end?

Frustrated,

cobro

[goodfella]

Hey, I know exactly where your coming from. I just got out of my first long term relationship in the beginning of June. There are so many reminders of my ex-girlfriend it just makes you down and depressed. And the hardest part about this whole experience is that there is no easy way around it. I thought i had faith in my relationship and now the only thing i have faith in is time's ability to heal. I think your being unfair to yourself right now by trying to date someone because it seems like you havent given yourself time to heal.

[Genesis]

It does not seem that you are over your ex yet. Do not try to rush into a new relationship or dating if you are not ready. I am also 23 and got out of a 4 year thing, and I know it would not be fair to drag someone along when I am not really ready to date yet. I think I will give myself 3 more months.

 

Your fling has only been three weeks most semi relationships fizzle out in 1-3 months. Next time you take a girl out, try to set a certain budget for first time dates. Know that things may not work out, so say only spend $100 or less on a girl during the first month of talking to her.

 

I am a woman and I see it all the time. They will spend a month with a guy let them spend all their money on them and then do a disappearing act. The first month or so should be a getting to know you stage , I say do not spend to much money on a girl unless you make her your girlfriend that is just me. Even then I know girls who will really not like a guy for the first couple of months of being their girlfriend, and only stay with them b/c of the money they spend on them, when the money runs dry they are out of the door. (Sugar Daddy)

 

I have plenty of friends who use men to buy them things and drinks at the bar. I know some men think that buying a girl a lot of things, is what will make them want to continue to date them but it is not.

 

I have lots of friends who have had guys pay for them to get their nails and hair done for like 2 months then dump them. I have girlfriends of mine whose male friends(broke college guys) spent like 50$ every Friday and Saturday night at the bars for months, just to dump them for a better looking guys who are broke. I know for a college student money is hard to come by.

 

My point is keep your money in your pocket and make sure the girl likes you for you and not your money. Gives yourself a couple more months to heal from your breakup, if you are still crying over her then you do not need to be dating. I do not cry over my ex anymore it has been 3 months and I still am not ready to date yet.

 

Go out have fun with your friends, and just be friendly with women you do not need to rush making any one your girlfriend. Also,if you are just starting to date you should not see your date any more than 2 to 3 times a week. This girl saw you everyday so she may be burnt out of you, you seemed needy and on the rebound. Good Luck and do not give up it has only been two months. You have plenty of time to date and find a new girl.

[heteropedro]

Blah blah Ive heard it to many times. Your obsessed and you must not show it. Get over your last girl, you must grow to not care about rejection. There is soo amny things to cover about relationships. But I will answer why she has not called you. If she wasnt busy than its probably because she knows you like her and sees you as not a challenge and weak and obsessive. Te the hangin out down a bit and leave her wanting more. AKA, end all convos,end all get togethers (or dates), be in control.