Lily04 Posted March 20, 2006 Share Posted March 20, 2006 I posted before about how I met "the perfect guy" on an online dating site but was reluctant to message him because of certain politics... i.e. I know his best friends, it might be weird, etc. (he hasn't met me yet though.) Anyway, I decided to buy the message package just to message him because I was so hung up on him... he really did seem 'perfect' in my mind I guess. But then he messaged me back sorta disinterested and was like 'yeah, I have to get back to readings now, but thanks for your message.' So needless to say I am feeling a bit heartbroken and all my friends are in class right now so just wanted to post and update... maybe I'm not pretty enough for him, or intelligent I don't know... but I guess the outcome is not so "perfect" after all. Lily Link to comment
Goodfun88 Posted March 20, 2006 Share Posted March 20, 2006 I know that you are disappointed, but don't let it get you down. If he's not into you he's not the "perfect guy" for you! Keep dating and eventually you will find your "perfect guy". Good luck girl! Link to comment
Lily04 Posted March 20, 2006 Author Share Posted March 20, 2006 I guess I feel slightly shunned though... like this was the first time I was ever rejected... I feel like he's evaluating me and saying 'sorry, you're not good enough.' which is essentially what he's doing... I guess I shouldn't have been so enthusiastic in my message to him. well this sucks. Link to comment
Cyberchick Posted March 20, 2006 Share Posted March 20, 2006 Noone is perfect. What do you know about this guy, anyways, that you can deem him to be perfect and other guys just average? What do yo know first hand about his personality, his dreams? Why don't you try giving the other guys who are interested in you a chance? Maybe you will really like one of them and he will become your " perfect " guy. Sometimes it's when you stray from your type that you find the right match. As for feeling like you are not good enough, pretty enough, etc., that's your perception of who you are. It doesn't have much to do with the guy at all. For a guy you really don't know, I wouldn't sweat it as to why he doesn't want to. It could be for a million reasons that have nothing to do with your adequacy. I'm curious about your need for perfectionism ( I read about it in one of your posts )... is it a disorder like ocd or is it something else that is more in your control? I think perfectionism, especially when it comes to relationships, can be destructive. Hope things look up for you soon. Link to comment
Lily04 Posted March 20, 2006 Author Share Posted March 20, 2006 Hey Cyberchick, You're right... I am a perfectionist and have an OCD as well, so they might be related... going to see a psychologist about the OCD tomorrow in fact (I believe) for the first time. I think the perfectionism is definitely more within my control though. And I am giving other guys a chance. I went out with a nice guy yesterday, we went to a movie & had a good time. It wasn't an 'amazing' connection per se, but it was a first date and we only talked for a few minutes before & after the movie... I think he was a bit taken aback by me (he seemed to think I was really attractive and was a bit nervous) so maybe that's why and I should give him another chance... he asked me out on a second date, and I think I'll take him up on that. I'm also meeting another guy for dinner on Saturday who seems interesting, and possibly another guy who asked me to a concert later the following week... so it's not like I'm not giving other guys a chance. It's just that I really liked this guy I guess... but then again, we never even met! It could be different in person, and maybe he saw something in me that he didn't think was so compatible with him... I shouldn't judge it too harshly. And I won't. It's just the few minutes after that are hardest I guess, lol. I'll get over it soon enough.. Thanks Link to comment
Cyberchick Posted March 20, 2006 Share Posted March 20, 2006 Hi Lily, Good for you for giving other guys a chance! That's great. I hope one of them works out for you. And I'm glad you are seeing a therapist about the ocd and the perfectionism, which is probably a symptom of the ocd. Good luck with your therapy. Link to comment
Caterina Posted March 20, 2006 Share Posted March 20, 2006 Lily, What attracts someone to someone isn't so much how attractive or intelligent they are...that might be a part of it, but attraction is a strange thing and shouldn't be taken personal if someone isn't attracted to you. Link to comment
Lily04 Posted March 21, 2006 Author Share Posted March 21, 2006 Lily, What attracts someone to someone isn't so much how attractive or intelligent they are...that might be a part of it, but attraction is a strange thing and shouldn't be taken personal if someone isn't attracted to you. He's never met me in real life though. He has a picture of me and an e-mail message from me. If neither intrigued him, then he's not attracted to me physically, or he doesn't find my personality interesting or both. I do think that's somewhat personally upsetting... Link to comment
TheLegend Posted March 21, 2006 Share Posted March 21, 2006 I know how that feels I personally don't like online dating sites maybe because I had bad experiences with them except the last one, where I met a decent girl(at least that's what I think..for now) and we became friends why don't you try to meet up with him accidentaly and see how things go? like you said, you already know his friends etc, so you can go somewhere with them and you'll see & meet him as well and take things from there? maybe? Link to comment
Lily04 Posted March 21, 2006 Author Share Posted March 21, 2006 I know how that feels I personally don't like online dating sites maybe because I had bad experiences with them except the last one, where I met a decent girl(at least that's what I think..for now) and we became friends why don't you try to meet up with him accidentaly and see how things go? like you said, you already know his friends etc, so you can go somewhere with them and you'll see & meet him as well and take things from there? maybe? hey, lol. I thought of that... but I think I'm going to drop it. If he doesn't find me attractive, I'm not going to force anything... although I was *very* tempted to e-mail him and ask why he's not attracted to me... haha. just curious... most guys aren't turned off that fast. Link to comment
TheLegend Posted March 21, 2006 Share Posted March 21, 2006 yeah but most guys don't get turned on that fast either..so remember. You can hang out with his friends and with him and see what happens, emailing him like that won't do you any good, and will just make you look bad, I don't think he would reply sincerely even if he doesn't find you attractive. There's more to relationships then the physical side, so you can't really expect anything before knowing him. Link to comment
Lily04 Posted March 21, 2006 Author Share Posted March 21, 2006 why wouldn't he reply sincerely if he finds me attractive? And I didn't just give him a message saying "hi, I like you," I told him my favourite books, movies, about my personality, and what I'm looking for in a guy and we seemed to have the same interests. It wasn't just the 'physical' side that was evident. Maybe he thought we were TOO much the same, I don't know. But many other guys on the site did reply when I gave them a smile or replied to their message showing interest. Link to comment
candykisses Posted March 21, 2006 Share Posted March 21, 2006 the 'perfect guy' exists only in your head don't get so hung up on this guy. you've never met him. he eats and farts just like everyone else. there's no such thing as the perfect guy also there's never any logical reason as to why someone is or isn't attracted to someone else. don't take it personally if he doesn't respond to you with interest...don't waste your time trying to figure out why. just move on Link to comment
Lily04 Posted March 21, 2006 Author Share Posted March 21, 2006 yeah you're right. logic just eluded me I guess. thanks. he is out of my head for good now... haha. Link to comment
Lily04 Posted March 22, 2006 Author Share Posted March 22, 2006 I REALLY want to message him and ask what it is he doesn't like about me. I've never had anyone reject me. Ever. This really hurts. It may not seem it only, but I am totally charismatic in real life, haha.......if only he met me. oh well... it's totally his loss. I just want him to know that. Link to comment
Kevin T Posted March 22, 2006 Share Posted March 22, 2006 I feel the same way about rejection myself. This may sound silly, but I think you should send him a message and ask him outright why he turned you down. It would be better to know than not, right? I would probably do the same thing myself. Who cares what he thinks about it? At least you might have some peace of mind. Of course, it does need to be said that there is obviously no 'perfect' person out there for anyone. As much an idealist as I am when it comes to love (or I try to be), even I have to admit that much. Of course, you guys might've been extremely compatible, but then again, having not met a person face-to-face, how could you ascertain that for sure? Link to comment
Lily04 Posted March 22, 2006 Author Share Posted March 22, 2006 haha.... actually coincidentally he updated his blog website today and I read his entry and realized that... we're not as compatible as I thought. He's just... very pretentious/prestigious and I don't like that. He acts like he's not meaning to sound that way, and maybe his writing is effortless to some extent, but he really comes off as sounding...well, full of himself. I'm just definitely more down-to-earth and humble I guess... yes, I am interested in academics and hope to go to law school one day, but at the same time I'm the type who wouldn't look down on people who are less educated and my ideal job would be devoted to helping people, instead of contemplating how society has strayed from its heights and learning for the sake of learning itself...he may be good looking and educated, but he is lacking some qualities that definitely make him less than ideal in my opinion as well... so I'm just going to drop it. Link to comment
Omni-I Posted March 23, 2006 Share Posted March 23, 2006 Well at least he answered you, most of the girls I've sent message to, if not all of them actually never responded, so it feels even more a waste of money for me. My advice to you, its just forget about online dating. I even got to a point so fustrated that i just wanted to (sorry for the term) b*tch slap every girl on that site. Its a waste of time, and made really feel bad about myself, it and just ripping money stick to people you really see, take chances. I especially like making eye contact with girls i just walk pass by, if they stick they regard on me, then its my cue to talk to them. If you notice a guy try to make eye contact with him. I just discovered this and lost many opportunities just because I was so much of a WUSS to act on it. But i am starting to get it and so should you! Link to comment
Omni-I Posted March 23, 2006 Share Posted March 23, 2006 Well good to read that, i didnt bother to look at the last entry before writing mine. it seems to me thats is too cocky for his own good, which in a way is why you felt attracted to him in the first place. How about the 2 of us get down together instead lol Link to comment
TheLegend Posted March 23, 2006 Share Posted March 23, 2006 hahaha lol @ Omni-I Go tiger! rofl Link to comment
Lily04 Posted March 23, 2006 Author Share Posted March 23, 2006 Well, I've heard some success stories with online dating so it can't be ALL bad... I actually have 4 dates in the next week so at least it's giving me some fun, lol. They're actually all with doctors/lawyers/law students, so that other guy can take his pretension and shove it! lol. He's not better than me despite what he may think... I too can play the game. haha. Ironically enough, almost all (if not all) the guys I have messaged/smiled at have returned it, so I'm not particularly heartbroken there... it's just always the guys I really like who I can't have. And I think I discovered the reason for it -- I thrive on challenges, lol. So if I know there's a guy who will be challenging & won't just automatically like me i'm more likely to want him... it's like reverse psychology I guess. But yeah I don't think I should get all pessimistic on dating or online dating because of this one experience... the guy I went out with last week turned out to be decent, although not 'amazing' or anything but I shouldn't give up hope entirely. And you're right about guys smiling/striking up convos. with me.. because I previously had low self-esteem I'd usually ignore it and not think twice, but now I should really learn to pursue those opportunities! Alas, I too am a wuss sometimes... And about the comment below... unfortunately I live in Ontario, so I don't think that'll work, lol. sorry! Link to comment
Omni-I Posted March 24, 2006 Share Posted March 24, 2006 And about the comment below... unfortunately I live in Ontario, so I don't think that'll work, lol. sorry! Hey, we never know, in my field i tend to move and work around alot lol. Well i am glad things goes well for you. But I would like to mention you that, online dating gives an unfair advantage to women, and trust I am not the only guy saying that. But I don't wanna get into that it would be too long to debate. As playing hard to get and being a challenge. But thats just me. But it would seem that you are the typical girl who are after "challenging men". But I think they are more important things to do that waste time on it. For what i can tell from guys, the guys who are successful are real men that don't bother chasing women, its the women who chases them. For them its too much a bother, there so much more things in life to experience and live than trying to figure out the inner work of a girls head. Hmm maybe I outgha let my parents finding me a hottie for a wife, much simpler this way. LOL Link to comment
TheLegend Posted March 24, 2006 Share Posted March 24, 2006 Why advantage to woman? Can you explain that because I don't understand howcome. Link to comment
Omni-I Posted March 24, 2006 Share Posted March 24, 2006 Why advantage to woman? Can you explain that because I don't understand howcome. Hmmm, I gave alot of thought about it before...but now I kinda forgot why lol. I think is has to do with numbers. I think there are more men in online dating than there is women. Then again, how is it different from free drinks night for gals? what about you ? Have you been successful with the online thingy? Link to comment
Lily04 Posted March 24, 2006 Author Share Posted March 24, 2006 I think it's just because if you're a relatively good-looking girl, you'll get more smiles/responses... I've talked with some guys and they say that girls sorta wait for guys to message them as well, instead of making a move. This was at least true for me until I messaged the 'perfect' guy. I didn't want to waste $$ on the package, so I just didn't msg. anyone, and got 40 messages to me instead. Seemed like a sweet deal. Maybe that's not true though... I think in general if you're better-looking you'll probably get more smiles or whatever. If you look like the typical computer/internet nerd and your profile reflects that... internet dating may not be so lucrative. But then again, there's probably some nerdy girls who also use online dating so who knows... I don't search for girls so I dunno, but I've heard complains about a lot of bimbos who also use the site and just put stuff like "i'm looking for the right guy. msg. me if ur him and plz be hot!!" ugh. Link to comment
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