Men with friends of the opposite sex.

[Genesis]

Well he is not my boyfriend anymore.

 

My ex and I both had a lot of friends of the opposite sex. I do not think there is any thing wrong with that, but I have one question for all of you.

 

Is it ok for a male who has a steady girlfriend to be constantly talking on the phone to a female friend? This friend was someone who he did not know for a very long time, maybe 5-6 months. I could understand if it was a longtime childhood friend.

 

To make a long story short my ex swore up and down that he did not cheat on me, but I did not believe him at all. I stil feel like he is a liar, and he wants me to believe that he never cheated on me when I think that he did. The reason I thought he was cheating was b/c he had missing condoms and all of the phone calls. Do you think he was telling the truth or was he just tring to play me for a fool.

 

For my furture relationships when does having a friend of the opposite sex affect or cross the line into the relationship.

 

Do you think I was really insecure or jealous or do I have a reason to not want my man talking all the time to some strange woman?

[secret_agent_man]

In short, if it bothers you then it's not right for him to do. That's something that has to be communicated betweeen the two of you. He needs to respect you and your wishes, or if you are being overboard, you both need to figure out why, and move past it.

 

It doesn't sound like he's not cheating, because you have brought up a few very good indications, but you need to express what your thoughts are. If you don't trust him, it won't make you strange or weird. Many people go through this. It's hard to forget something that feels so wrong.

 

To make this short, you need to be happy for your relationship to function. It's just a neccesity. Work together and try to figure out what the problem is. If you can't get anywhere with discussing, and you still don't fell like you can trust him, then you have a huge decision to make.

 

What he did may have been harmless, don't jump to conclusions just yet, but keep in mind that you dont HAVE to be there. You don't need him, and you need to make yourself happy.

 

Good luck in whatever choice you make...

 

S.A.M.

[kdreger]

It's crap. What would he do if you were doing that?

 

Maybe start talking more with a guy friend... make sure you laugh a lot and seem annoyed if he tries to talk to you while you're on the phone with the guy friend. What would happen? He'd lose it! Men are hilarious in wanting something that they wouldn't allow their mate to have.

 

It is a well known fact that if you want a relationship to last you have to give up your opposite sex friends to some degree so that you can commit your attention to your mate. Your mate shouldn't have to compete for attention.

[colly]

From a male perspective, my ex having a male friend she was consistantly in contact with made me very weary.

 

It was not however, that i was concerned about what she would do -i trusted her - it was moreso that i was concerned as to his intentions towards her.

 

Like you say, this friend was not a life long friend - it was someone she had only known a year or so - and i did find myself competing for attention.

 

In short, she could not accept my concerns and shrugged if of as me being posessive and jealous. the sad thing is she was not prepared to talk to me about it to try and solve it, and dismissed it as my problem

 

Times like these your mind starts to run away with what "may" be going on. It could all be entirley innocent, but i personally feel that an opposite sex friend is not helpful for you both to be entirely comitted.

 

You could acccept it - but it may not make you happy and if your not happy, although it seems a great loss, you need to decide if you want to contine or not.

 

take care

 

colly

[blueyed99]

Trust your instincts. ALWAYS. My ex fed me the same BS but I knew in my heart something was going on because his behavior/actions were screaming INFIDELITY. He rarely IMd me when we had gone back and forth on IM for the duration of our relationship in the past, he stopped taking such an interest in my outside activities and he got very defensive when I asked him questions about his whereabouts, as never before. I asked him if he was cheating and/or something was going on but he denied it again and again. Turns out there was infact a new gfriend of his at work that he talked about on several occasions. She had been working at his company for a few months. He said they were just friends. When I drove by his office one day on the way to meet a friend, I saw him with this girl and I knew, without question, who this girl was. She was his supposed friend. After all was said and done, he came clean and told mne he had started seeing her. So, yes, I do think you should go with your GUT instincts .. even if you dont proof. If you're questioning his behavior and/or actions re: this girlfriend of his, I betcha you're right on the money. There has to be a reason .. an explanation as to why he'd invest in this new friendship with a member of the opposite sex, mind you, someone he barely knows but is at the same time interested in spending time with on the phone at the cost of his relationship? Think about it.