coming from a cheatee

[thinkstoomuch]

I never thought I'd be a guy who would be cheated on. I love and respect my girlfriend and treat her as best as I know how to. I'm a good man. A good person. A good boyfriend.

 

My girlfriend was one of my best friends for many, many years before we made the leap into dating. She also had a history with one of my other friends, who was recently married. With him married and out of the picture, I was relatively confident I could come to terms with being friends with someone who had a history with my girlfriend, and I was relatively sure I could handle her being friends with an exboyfriend.

 

We've been dating about 9 months now, and pretty much the whole time I was battling insecurities and jealousy issues, trying to allow them to have their friendship and sort out the issues that came with her and I getting together.

 

I did something else I never thought I'd do... I broke into her email account. Well, not really. She left herself logged on with my computer and I looked through it. Honestly, I was thinking I would find absolutely nothing and my fears would be put at ease and I'd feel so guilty about what I did that I'd have to confess what I did and apologize. That was the scenario in my head. In reality, I found love notes he'd written her in the past few weeks.

 

I confronted him first. He was at home with his pregnant wife and I interrupted their movie to have our talk. He confessed to having feelings for my girlfriend, but assured me nothing physical had happened. In a naive way, I believed him. I tried calling my girlfriend immediately after talking to him and couldn't get a hold of her, so I just went over to her house. She was in the shower. As I waited for her to get out, I heard her phone receive a text message. I read it. It was from him, saying something like "I told him we had feelings, but didn't tell him we had sex. Don't tell him we slept together". My stomach dropped. Tears accumulated.

 

The feeling was nothing like I've ever felt. It was such a deep hurt, a deep betrayal... a feeling like we've been living a lie the past history of our entire dating relationship. I believe her when she said that she and him were talking things through and trying to figure out how all of us could still be friends. I let her know last night that it was completely and totally impossible. She admitted everything to me.

 

This whole situation really bothers me, because * * * * is coming out of me that I don't like or appreciate or want. Things I never thought I was capable of. She kept saying she didn't deserve a second chance, and for the most part I agree. She doesn't deserve anything. She's completely confused and misled and messed up in the head. I don't know where to take it from here.

 

Another thing I never thought I would do: I completely forbid her to ever contact him in any way, shape, form, or means for the rest of our lives. I told her, and him, that the next time I find out about a phone call, voicemail, email, text message, instant message, whatever... it's over. She's going to have to get rid of every trace of him in her house. Presents he's given her. Pictures of him. They have to be gone, regardless of how close they've been in the past and how good of friends they consider each other to be. I made her choose. Him or me. I never thought I'd be in a position to have to do that, and didn't think it was in my capacity. I guess you learn a lot about yourself in times like these, huh?

 

I also never understood how people stick around after being cheated on. It's never happened to me, so I assumed I had 0 tolerance. But Jesus... I love the hell outta this girl. When I found all this out, that didn't change. I wasn't angry, like I expected I would be when I thought about finding this * * * * out. I was hurt. I was something I've never felt before.

 

I want her so badly. But I know I don't need her, and I know I'd be okay if we split because of it. I'll land on my feet either way.

 

Thank you for reading all this so far. I know its been long.

 

My question for others who have been where I am... can it get better? Can trust be restored? Can you sleep all night ever again? Are there always doubts?

 

How can I get over this? What can she do to help me get over my (now completely founded) feelings of insecurity and jealousy?

 

Any stories you have to share are appreciated. Good or bad. I need to know.

[Lonelyinasmalltown]

I'm so sorry this happened to you. Reminds me of when I found out when my ex cheated on me.

 

A few tips.

 

You need to let your girlfriend know that she's the one who has to rebuilt your trust. She broke it, it's up to her to fix it. If she isn't willing to understand that she's not going to have any privacy for a while, you need to let her go. After all "A person with nothing to hide, hides nothing" (Dr. Phil). In order to get your trust back with her, you'll probably need to keep tabs on her. After all, look what happened last time you didn't? It's not "nice", but right now you're hurt, you need reassurances and she needs to give them to you. She literally can't hold anything that you need to see back, that includes e-mails, phone bills, etc, etc. It's just the way it is. In time you might not feel the need to dig so deap, but right now, you need assurances.

 

Trust might come back with time, it might not. You'll have to do your part too by trying to come to grips with what happened and letting go. It's not going to be easy or fast. Most of the work will have to come from your girlfriend though. If she's not willing to do the work, it's best to let her go, or this will happen again. It did with me. My ex was willing to put up with it for a couple of weeks then told me I needed to back off. So I did and tried to come to terms with everything the best I could by myself. One month later she was cheating on me again.... With the same guy... I caught them "petting" in a car outside a bar she was going to with a few of the "girlfriends". Yeah, I checked up on her, my instincts told me something didn't feel right. I opened up the door and dumped her on the spot and never looked back even though she begged for me back right in front of him. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.... That's another thing, trust your instincts now more than ever. If they're saying something's wrong, something might be wrong. After all, you were fighting your instincts with her and her friend, they proved to be right.

 

Just curious, do all the parties know that your girlfriend and her married friend with a pregnant wife slept together?

[thinkstoomuch]

You need to let your girlfriend know that she's the one who has to rebuilt your trust. She broke it, it's up to her to fix it.

Truer words have never been spoken (or typed). She said this more than I did during our talk last night. I did tell her I still loved her. She replied back, saying she loved me too but knew I probably didn't believe her anymore. In a messed up way, it was true. I didn't know. 9 months of lies and now she's totally honest? Not likely, if you look at it logically, ya know? She did assure me many, many, many times that she would focus her energies on easing my mind. And I let her know she would have to deal with a jealous, insecure, and controlling boyfriend. I think its fair.

 

Just curious, do all the parties know that your girlfriend and her married friend with a pregnant wife slept together?

What do you mean "all parties"? From what my girlfriend tells me, no one knows. And its even harder because we share all of our friends, so I can't talk to anyone really about it. I did go out last night after finding out and got drunk with a buddy of mine who doesn't know my girlfriend all that well and I told him.

 

I'm also considering calling his pregnant wife and telling her. I don't want to be a homewrecker, but she needs to know. And my ex-friend cannot get off scott-free. I don't believe that's fair.

[hockeyboy]

My question for others who have been where I am... can it get better? Can trust be restored? Can you sleep all night ever again? Are there always doubts?

 

Personally, i think it would be a lot better to just find someone who wont betray your trust to begin with. However, its your choice.

[Lonelyinasmalltown]

I'm also considering calling his pregnant wife and telling her. I don't want to be a homewrecker, but she needs to know. And my ex-friend cannot get off scott-free. I don't believe that's fair.

 

That's exactly what I mean. Your ex-friend's wife really should know. After all, he cheated on her too. I would 100% want to know if my spouse cheated on me. I also look at it this way. If she knew too, you'd be covered on both fronts. Unless she's a incredibly understanding woman, she'll probably tell him to cut off all contact with your girlfriend too.

[Hopingpraying]

Oh heck yeah you have to tell her. Just be prepared if she doesn't react the way you expect her too. I had a similar siutation... My now ex-wife was cheating on me. The guy was married so I contacted his wife. He denied it said I was a drug addicted abuser which is why my wife was talking to him in the first place. His wife believed him and didn't believe me... I was shocked to say the least because I provided her pretty good proof with over 800 minues of cell phone calls between the two of them..

 

Well nearly a year later she called me up with tears in her voice. How she had got into his email and my ex-wife was professing her love for him. I was really sympathetic actually, even though deep down I wanted to say I told you so...

 

But with all that said, he definitely should pay for the consequences of his action... And he should really be lucky you haven't smacked him upside his head.

[Lonelyinasmalltown]

Hoping&Praying has a point. She might not believe you. Almost want to say that maybe you should get your girlfriend to be the one to tell her with you present of course, but that may be really pushing it. Still, after all, your girlfriend purposely hurt your ex-friend's wife too (no one accidentally cheats, cheating is a choice), if she can own up to her mistake with you, she should be able to own up to all the people she hurt...

[NewPhillyGuy]

I would tell this dude to tell his wife or otherwise you will. She needs to know. I can't believe he slept with another women with a pregnant wife. What a low-life.

 

Trust me bro, and tell this girl to go pound sand. Once is already TOO MANY TIMES. You deserve better and deep down you KNOW that. You are only stuck on her now, because all of this just went down. If you try to stick it out with her, this is most probably going to haunt you for the rest of your relationship, however long that lasts...and I would suspect not too long considering this girl's past actions.

 

Go find yourself a decent girl with some real values. Imagine yourself with a girl who respects and cares for you as much you do for her. Imagine going through your days with her not thinking twice about her screwing someone else. People like this DO exist, and there are girls out there waiting for a guy with your morals. Drop her like a bad habit, dude. She's trash.

[NJRon]

I don't know. I differ from the other people. That's his problem to deal with, not yours. If he starts coming aorund again, *then* I'd tell his wife, or tell him I am going to do it. However, I would let sleeping dogs lie and focus on *my* relationship and not *his*.

[Cecelius]

I agree with the above advice. You have only been involved with this woman for 9 mos as a g/f, you are not married to her, have no financial committments, etc. I would strongly urge you to get out NOW. The want you feel for her is the negative space in your ego and heart that used to be filled with trust for her -- you want to trust her, you want her because she's the only thing that can fill this void up. But you would be okay long term on your own.

 

Think of what she did -- a buddy of yours (okay, not really), affiliated with all your mutual friends -- are you prepared to see him, or start avoiding group settings, have him sit there at gatherings knowing that he banged your g/f all the while? Moreover, think about the fact that she was never going to tell you any of this -- that kind of silent, conspiratorial humiliation makes my blood boil. She was going to let this hang there for all time.

 

Next, think about how you describe her as being confused, etc. Those are traits in a girl that would, in my opinion, render her undateable from the beginning, much less so after she was your g/f with fidelity obligations.

 

Lastly, remember that she was putting your health at risk, your pride (did she have sex with you recently after having it with him? That's just skanky) and your future -- what if she'd gotten pregnant, would she have maintained you were the father?

 

I would just dump her and start on recovering. Your pride will ALWAYS be wounded by this and you will always be vulnerable because of this to her. What happens when she wants to get married, share debts, etc. -- later on when the house isn't clean or you don't want to mow the lawn, or whatever, this issue will STILL be there.

[thinkstoomuch]

I'm going to address these things 1 by 1, and for the most part I'm typing it out only to sort it out in my own head... not trying to negate anything you said or anything. I do appreciate the advice either way.

 

I agree with the above advice. You have only been involved with this woman for 9 mos as a g/f, you are not married to her, have no financial committments, etc. I would strongly urge you to get out NOW. The want you feel for her is the negative space in your ego and heart that used to be filled with trust for her -- you want to trust her, you want her because she's the only thing that can fill this void up. But you would be okay long term on your own.

No doubt. I always land on my feet. I know there's other girls, but I was totally head over heels in love and she was my entire world. It's hard to explain and I don't expect anyone who hasn't been there to understand it, but the love doesn't immediately disappear when you find something like this out. It didn't even fade. I love her just as much as I ever did. I want her just as much as I ever did. I'm hurt and upset and devastated, but I feel like cutting off ties with her would hurt even worse. I don't even feel a "void". I just feel... off...

 

Think of what she did -- a buddy of yours (okay, not really), affiliated with all your mutual friends -- are you prepared to see him, or start avoiding group settings, have him sit there at gatherings knowing that he banged your g/f all the while? Moreover, think about the fact that she was never going to tell you any of this -- that kind of silent, conspiratorial humiliation makes my blood boil. She was going to let this hang there for all time.

No, not a bit. I made it clear to him and her that he was the one getting the boot. It's him that will be avoiding group settings and mutual friends, not me. And to be fair, she did tell me she intended to tell me about the affair when she had it all figured out. I don't know if I believe that or not, but she did say that. But you're right that I'm not ready to have the conversation with anyone about why he and I don't hang out anymore. But I'm even less looking forward to telling all our friends why we decided to break up. I'm not a liar and wouldn't ever tell anyone the honest truth about what happened.

 

Next, think about how you describe her as being confused, etc. Those are traits in a girl that would, in my opinion, render her undateable from the beginning, much less so after she was your g/f with fidelity obligations.

You're right, but to be fair she told me that nothing was going on between them and she thought she figured it out. Until I started dating her. Then he got drunk, told her that he was jealous and still had feelings for her. This is what spawned the madness that followed. I do believe this is the truth, because 1. it's something he would do, and 2. when she told me, she had no reason to lie anymore. Nothing she could have said would have made things better. In any case, her confusion came after we started dating, and at that point she was scared to lose me. Kind of naive, I realize that even as I'm typing it. I guess that's my character.

 

Lastly, remember that she was putting your health at risk, your pride (did she have sex with you recently after having it with him? That's just skanky) and your future -- what if she'd gotten pregnant, would she have maintained you were the father?

Well, because of this guy's ethnicity, it would have been extremely hard to cover up who the father was. But I do see your point, yes. And you're right about my pride. It maintained a huge blow, but I think it'll only get worse when I break up with her and admit to everyone, friends and family, why we split.

 

I would just dump her and start on recovering. Your pride will ALWAYS be wounded by this and you will always be vulnerable because of this to her. What happens when she wants to get married, share debts, etc. -- later on when the house isn't clean or you don't want to mow the lawn, or whatever, this issue will STILL be there.

Normally I'd say that bringing up * * * * like that was out of character for me, and I'd never consider doing it. But I'm learning from this situation that I'm capable of doing things I never wanted to do, expected to do, or thought I'd ever have to do. It's possible that I'll bring this up in an argument, as much as I hate to think I'd stoop to that level. That's a good point, and one I hadn't considered. It'll be tough to bite my tongue when the temptation strikes. But, as much as I wish I wasn't saying it... I think she's worth it. I wish I could immediately fall out of love when something like this comes up, but... Jesus. I can't.

[Cecelius]

Well, you're a man and the first rule of a man is that he does what he wants from a position of strength, so if that's your route, I've got no business disagreeing.

 

I will point this out: from my perspective, you seem like a deeper feeling man than many (and passion is perfectly manly). You loved her and you still love her -- you loved her very strongly and were head over heels for her. Many women dream about a man like you.

 

And she still cheated on you.

With a buddy.

And didn't tell you till you found out on your own.

[Spectre22]

No doubt. I always land on my feet. I know there's other girls, but I was totally head over heels in love and she was my entire world. It's hard to explain and I don't expect anyone who hasn't been there to understand it, but the love doesn't immediately disappear when you find something like this out. It didn't even fade. I love her just as much as I ever did. I want her just as much as I ever did. I'm hurt and upset and devastated, but I feel like cutting off ties with her would hurt even worse. I don't even feel a "void". I just feel... off...

I've been there and I understand it, I also know how dangerous it is to stay with someone who's done that to you. The love wont disappear right away, that would be impossible unless you truly didn't love her. However, sometimes love isn't enough, or sometimes people have twisted views of love. This girl cheated on me, afterwards she kept professing how much she loved me and such, so I took her back, then she did it again.

 

When you can look your s/o in the eye, and tell them you love them knowing you've cheated, theres something majorly wrong. Cutting off ties with her wont hurt as much as the pain that you'll feel from staying with her, everytime you kiss her..or everytime you go beyond that, you'll know she was doing that behind your back with your friend. Im not saying that to upset you, but it happened to me, and when you cant get the image of your gf w/ some other dude out of your mind, its make you feel a large amount of disgust for her.

 

And to be fair, she did tell me she intended to tell me about the affair when she had it all figured out. I don't know if I believe that or not, but she did say that.

Why should you believe it? what reason has she given you? none that I can see, you're giving her the benefit of the doubt when she doesnt deserve one, this isnt suspicious phone calls or her staying on the computer all night, she flat out cheated..with your FRIEND, who has a pregnant wife. Thats incredibly low, and since youre all friends, she had to know the wife was pregnant, thats just low as hell, and I'd get as far away from this girl as you can.

 

 

You're right, but to be fair she told me that nothing was going on between them and she thought she figured it out. Until I started dating her. Then he got drunk, told her that he was jealous and still had feelings for her. This is what spawned the madness that followed. I do believe this is the truth

it just seems like youre kidding yourself. Again: what reason do you have to believe her? Im not asking what reason does she have to lie, cuz theres plenty, what reason do you have to believe anything she says after this huge betrayal?

 

because 1. it's something he would do

and yet, she was with him before you, and they were friends as well, so tell me: If YOU know its "something he would do" wouldnt she..? wouldnt that give her more material to lie with? she knows him, she knows what you think he'd do, im not saying thats the case, but its surely possible. Some people when caught in a lie, will lie constantly to get out of it

 

and 2. when she told me, she had no reason to lie anymore. Nothing she could have said would have made things better.

 

Really? she has no reason to lie? There could always be more to the lie, she could of never stopped sleeping with him, she could STILL be sleeping with him, hell, she could of slept with other guys too, what reason does she have to lie? To make herself look as non-trampy as possible, she couldnt of made things better, but she could of made them worse.

 

 

In any case, her confusion came after we started dating, and at that point she was scared to lose me. Kind of naive, I realize that even as I'm typing it. I guess that's my character.

She was scared to lose you, so she'd thought she'd clinch you and her being together forever by sleeping with your friend? And again I refer to my earlier words: what reason do you have to believe her?

 

Well, because of this guy's ethnicity, it would have been extremely hard to cover up who the father was. But I do see your point, yes. And you're right about my pride. It maintained a huge blow, but I think it'll only get worse when I break up with her and admit to everyone, friends and family, why we split.

Again: why are you worried about how friends and family will react? You didnt do anything wrong and more importantly, you don't have to tell them till youre ready, even if you dump her you could ask her to keep quiet until youre ready, thats the least she can do. Yeah, it is a huge blow to your pride, on another board a girl posted that she cheated on her bf with some guy, without using condoms, then let her bf go down on her just hours later, I mean, it sucks, but thats the type of stuff that can happen

 

Normally I'd say that bringing up * * * * like that was out of character for me, and I'd never consider doing it. But I'm learning from this situation that I'm capable of doing things I never wanted to do, expected to do, or thought I'd ever have to do. It's possible that I'll bring this up in an argument, as much as I hate to think I'd stoop to that level. That's a good point, and one I hadn't considered.

You arent stooping to any levels, she slept with your friend behind your back, probably more than once, the same friend who has a pregnant wife and who she's been spending time with, shes low. Telling her she can't see him again isn't wrong.

 

 

It'll be tough to bite my tongue when the temptation strikes. But, as much as I wish I wasn't saying it... I think she's worth it. I wish I could immediately fall out of love when something like this comes up, but... Jesus. I can't.

Heres your mistake, you think just because you love her you have to stay with her, when you don't. You think she's worth it, but buddy trust me: she isn't. You know who IS worth it? the girl who wont ever do something like this, ever. You don't need to fall out of love with her, but youre dooming yourself to a life of torment as long as you stay with her. The longer youre apart, the longer you realize what she did, while it doesnt make her a horrible person who deserves to be shot, was very disrespectful and an indication that something is wrong with her in some way, either way I dont think the relationship will last, don't settle for a girl just cuz you love her and she "claims" to love you, she's trying to save her * * * now.

 

Hell, did you ever consider maybe she doesnt truly want to be with you anymore, but is trying to keep you to avoid as much trouble as possible from friends and family? just another thought. Again I hate to put thoughts in your head, but you really can never be too sure with people who can flat out lie to your face about something like this.

[tylercdurden2004]

"I don't expect anyone who hasn't been there to understand it,"

 

Mate we've all been there before.

 

"Then he got drunk, told her that he was jealous and still had feelings for her. This is what spawned the madness that followed."

 

This didnt spawn the maddness that followed. it was her own insecurity (ies). She easily could have said "thats nice but so-and-so is who I want to be with". but she didnt and be honest with yourself if you have to say to someone that she is your GF, well than the @##$% aint yours.

 

I personally would not say anything to his wife. Although I do love teh idea of the feeling of revenge it would bring. You need to look as much as possible like the bigger man here. you'll just be the messenger shot and it wont really bring you the satisfaction you want. I would however be honest wtih your friends, from your own standpoint, why you broke up. Tell them why you dont feel comfortable hanging out with them when your with her etc. Shes a tramp trying to justify the good person in her and hes clearly not a friend. Let em both be there undoing. There is nothingn you can do to save his marriage, his wife or his future kid. The wife has to figure that out on her own and telling her will only make you look like a tool.

 

PS Tell her for me "not the let the door hit her * * * * * on the way out"

[Relationship Coach]

You can tell her to throw away all of the things which he has given her, clean house completely but that still does not remove the feelings which she has for him. This was not a casual affair, you said there were love letters, which means this wasn't superficial.

 

You may love her but how could you ever trust her again. You let the fox in to the hen house so I know you have to feel somewhat responsible. They did what they did and you cannot blame yourself other than believing her. She lied more than once to you to keep this relationship concealed and his wife needs to know what kind of sperm donor she is married to. Some may say his relationship with his pregnant wife is not your problem, I say it is. If they had a good relationship this guy would of respected his marriage and your relationship and kept it in his pants. I would get everything in the open.

 

If you stay with her, be prepared for a long life of misery. You will be reminded of this affair every day of your life. I would suggest that you find someone who loves you and no longer is in contact with their ex BF. A situation like this rarely works out for all parties. I'm sorry for what you're going through, I've been there and I know the pain.

 

RC

[theantibarbie23]

I wish I could immediately fall out of love when something like this comes up, but... Jesus. I can't.

 

A lot of people who are cheated on don't instantly get angry and hate the person whom did this to them. I've known people that still love their spouse even though they are habitual cheaters that refuse to take any steps to stop their behavior. The important thing is to know that no matter how much you may love her, your best interests NEED to come first.

 

I am not saying that your relationship can not be salvaged but, she needs to prove to you that she's making changes within herself so that she won't fall back into this pattern of behavior in the future. Do not just tell her not to see this guy again and expect it to happen. Be prepared for the possibility of backsliding when it comes to no contact between them. You may think that putting your foot down would do the trick but for many people the affair is like a drug and they will take foolish risks if given the opportunity.

 

This affair must be exposed to this guy's wife so that there is less of a chance that they try to continue the affair behind your back. Affairs tend to die when they are exposed to the light of day.

 

Besides, she has a right to know that her husband is possibly exposing her and her unborn child to STDs. There are still so many you can get even with a condom. After all, who knows if he's sleeping with others too. With that in mind, get yourself tested and demand that your girlfriend does too.

 

I am sorry you are going through this. It's a horrible place to be.

[thinkstoomuch]

Thank you so much for your replies, everyone. They're all helping more than you know. After sorting it out in my head for the past couple days, I've come to some conclusions.

 

1. I'm telling his wife. What they did was extremely unfair to me and her. I'm in the position to make things a little more fair for the wife. She needs to know what kind of person her husband is, and she needs to know exactly how much she can trust him (not at all). And don't get me wrong, I will get some amount of pleasure from telling her. Right now anything that makes me feel better is the right move, as far as I'm concerned.

 

2. We're downgrading our relationship from "boyfriend/girlfriend" to "dating" while we sort things out in our heads. She's going to try to figure out why she did what she did, and I'm going to try to figure out if she's really the one I want to be with. I told her during this time I was going to pursue relationships with other people, because closing myself off from that option wasn't fair for me. I can't just wait around for her.

 

3. I told her she has to tell someone. A friend who isn't directly involved in the issue. Hopefully talking it out with someone else will help her find some of the answers she's looking for. And let's be honest... even if she and I don't ever become as serious as we were before, I want her to get her head on straight to avoid this in the future. She's a great girl who did a stupid thing. She can come out of this a better person, with or without me. I hope I can help her do that, but I think getting help from someone else will help her more.

 

Breaking up with her is more of a possibility today than it was yesterday. I guess this is the process, huh?

[fishrrshortae]

I would tell his pregnant wife because you don't know who else he's sleeping with, and she should be tested for STD's. sorry that sounds kinda harsh, but it's true.. maybe your gf should be too, if they didn't use protection. If pregnant wife has STD, it could do a LOT of harm to the baby during birth

[Cecelius]

It is your process, and I cannot disagree with your approach necessarily EXCEPT that you giving her "time to sort it out" is effectively like saying there might be some way this is not her fault. If you did take her back (which I don't advise under any circumstances), she will hold onto this event as a significant emotional issue, like you two were in a movie/love story, etc. Her pride will let her rise above it and gloss over what happened:

 

Your g/f banged another guy.

 

It is as simple as that -- she took what you had believe was reserved for you and gave it to someone else as well.

 

If you want to keep "dating" her for fun, no big deal, but it would be easier and probably more beneficial to her morality to just tell her outright that you can't be with her anymore because she's just not worth as much as she was before this.

[yeawutever]

Wow, this is so disgusting I can't even think of a right word to describe it. Sorry you had to go through that Thinkstoomuch, how horrendous, again I dunno what else to really say. Please don't say you're gonna stay with her and think about working it out, noo, that would be very naive of you.

So she says she was gonna tell you about the affair and you still believe her?? No she wasn't, she's just saying that cuz she got caught red handed in the lie after you heard the message. Why didn't she told you right afterwards. She didn't even think of your risks, STD's.

Think about it if you were to go back to her, would you ever wanna marry a girl who's been sexually degraded by another guy and to make matter worst a dude with a pregnant wife. How about whenever you kiss her, wouldn't that though of her sharing her naked body with the other guy crossed your mind. Or worst, what if they guys end up married and you want to conceive a child with her, what would you be thinking ever time you arouse her.

As with the wife, usually I'm a mind your own business person unless it's putting you at risk. In this case, yea, I would tell her, think about it, this guy banged on your g/f, well I hope she's your ex by now. Besides let's say that she had answered the phone, would she have told you about it or not? Or what if he told but you weren't there, would she have erased the message or come clean with it?? How are you ever gonna trust her after catching her in her many lies??

Dude, you don't need a girl like that, there many who won't ever do that type of crap. Plus think what would it be if you marry her and arguments, trouble starts, will the argument be the topic or her previous cheatings??

[strogen]

Hi there - by the time you read this I hope you are feeling better. I know you don't want to hear this but I think you should DUMP this girl, if you haven't already done so. You should also tell your ex-friend's wife about what was going on - she deserves to know. Honesty is always the best policy.

 

This girl has cheated on you in a calculated way, with a man whose wife is pregnant. She even went so far as to reassure you and attempt to give you the impression that there was nothing going on. How long did she think she could keep this up for exactly?

 

And as for your friend...

 

I don't say this to be hurtful. It just sounds like a situation you would be best out of. If she had a one night stand or if it happened only once, maybe, just maybe you could think of forgiving. But it sounds like this was going on for a long time. You would be letting yourself down if you were to give this person the opportunity to make a fool of you any longer.

 

One last thing. Who else knew of this? People who knew and said nothing, maybe you should reconsider your list of friends.

 

 

Good Luck!

[SxcLady]

hey this may be a little late ... but ive been on the other side of the tracks ... i was the person who cheated on my boyfriend. (i must say ... the reason was a decent reason) but after it happened even though it was to get out of a relationship, i felt so bad. was it her first time cheating on any man? or has she continuosly done this with a few of her ex's? if it was her first time, id say keep her but as long as she is fully aware that she is never too see him again or anything. and just recently i was on your side of the track, and i left him. i gave him a second chance and he stuffed up ... he called her the next day to schedule a "meeting". watch her ... if you are giving her a second chance ... keep an eye on her. make her rebuild that trusting bond.

 

GoodLuck!

Love SxcLady

[yeawutever]

What's the use of being in a relation, if you always have to keep an eye on that person??? No use with no trust, he's better off without her!!!

[Royltnxile]

. i was the person who cheated on my boyfriend. (i must say ... the reason was a decent reason) but after it happened even though it was to get out of a relationship, Love SxcLady

 

SxcLady,

 

What was the "decent reason" you cheated on your b/f? I'm curious.

[Royltnxile]

You have no choice but to dump this worthless b**** and move on. It's all about your self-respect and your dignity, and if you reward her by "allowing her time and space to sort herself out", or worse - remain her "friend", then you are sacrificing your self-respect and dignity. She cheated on you probably throughout your entire relationship, would be my guess. You're better than she is so kick her to the curb and make yourself available for the women out there who have basic traits like loyalty and integrity - of which your present chick has absolutely none.