w_maxell Posted March 15, 2006 Share Posted March 15, 2006 Its been 8 months since she left me. I was getting closer to moving on with my life. Then last weekend, she sent me a cryptic message. She was asking if I have forgiven her for what she did and hoped that I did. She then tells that now she is suffering for the pain that she has caused me. I shouldn't have cared and just ignored the message but I didn't. I called her up and asked what was happening. She then tells me that her current bf (the guy that i suspected from the start) beats her up when they fight. I told her to leave him but says she can't because he threatened to tell her parents that she has been living with him for the past 9 months (a big no-no here in our country). Yes, she cheated on me, she finally admitted it. She started living with him a month after I left the country for a vacation. Thats why when I came back there was a coldness in her. Explanations and excuses that didn't make any sense. She lied to me. Used me. Three weeks after coming back she dropped me like a stone. I don't know why but I still tried to help her which just ended in us fighting. She said things that was really hurtful. After 8 mos., i didn't expect to feel this way and yet here i am again. She now tells me to stay away from her, that she will fix this herself. I'm torn between wanting to help her and just not doing anything about it. Link to comment
evy38 Posted March 15, 2006 Share Posted March 15, 2006 You can't fix other people, only yourself, they have to fix themselves but will only do so, when they want to. When women come to you, with their problems, they really don't want you to fix it, they just want you to listen. Most men don't understand this and get frustrated when they come up with a solution and it doesn't seem to satisfy the woman. I think she was just looking for a shoulder to cry on. If I were you, I would treat it as such and continue NC. She really has to get herself out of this mess, you can't do it for her, even though I know you want to help. Link to comment
Blue In Texas Posted March 15, 2006 Share Posted March 15, 2006 I don't know why but I still tried to help her which just ended in us fighting. She now tells me to stay away from her, that she will fix this herself. I'm torn between wanting to help her and just not doing anything about it. I think your words say it all. You tried to help because any decent person would. No matter how nasty she was to you, she doesn't deserve this. However, she is right. It is her mess and she needs to clean it up herself. Leave her alone and go back to being a decent, healing guy. You can't help her and God knows you don't need her in your life. Link to comment
Blue In Texas Posted March 15, 2006 Share Posted March 15, 2006 Wow evy. I wish I'd heard that advice earlier. It would have prevented a lot of fights. Link to comment
w_maxell Posted March 16, 2006 Author Share Posted March 16, 2006 After all the verbal abuse that she gave me last weekend, I wake up today with a message on my phone. She is apologizing for all the bad things that she told me last weekend. She is asking where I am. I haven't replied....... Why is it that after all that she did, the lying, the cheating.... a part of me still loves her.... I must really be stupid..... Link to comment
kadvati79 Posted March 16, 2006 Share Posted March 16, 2006 Her actions make her realise how undeserving she was of your love. You, in your totally unconditional love for her, remind her of how much of a monster she is. When confronted with that, she lashes out cause thats all she has left. I think she is going to get progressively worse and worse. And the worse she gets the more she is going to contact you and drag you down. And I don't think you're stupid at all, Blue In Texas got it exactly right. U are a decent dude doing the honorable thing - despite the fact its killing you inside. Link to comment
w_maxell Posted March 17, 2006 Author Share Posted March 17, 2006 Thanks for the advice. It's just that I thought I was on my way to healing. But her admitting in not so many words that she cheated on me last weekend, really set me back. She's on my mind again. Memories are flooding back in. Every now and then she asks if i have forgiven her. Usually, I sidestepped the question, but last weekend, i told her that i don't know if i can ever forgive her. She keeps telling me to move on and to keep away from her but now she is apologizing...... Link to comment
passionfox Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 Be true to yourself first! Respect yourself and then you will know the rest of the story and what to do. Link to comment
passionfox Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 Keep your self esteem & your confidence! Being friends is ok,if you know you won't go nutts wanting the person back!!! Be careful everyone! CONFIDENCE! Keep It!!! Link to comment
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