When is 'too soon' to move on?

[pedro]

Hi everyone

 

My fiance ended our relationship about 6 weeks ago. I was devasted, tried on several attempts to get back together, but it was no use. It is a long-distance relationship too and we were together for about 5 years (2 of those years we were doing the long-distance thing) I'm coping and every day gets better (although I still feel down sometimes)

 

To make a long story short, I got in touch with a good friend recently and I realize I have feelings for her. We've known one another for about 8 years. She is an awesome person, great personality, and we have lots in common. She has also been very supportive during this difficult time.

 

How do I tell her how I feel without seeming needy or on the re-bound? Is it too soon? Am I just fooling myself that I'm ready for a new relationship? It isn't fair to her if I am not, right?

 

PS...this forum is AWESOME! It's really helped me be a stronger person and has helped me get over the pain

[friscodj]

Hey pedro-

 

Welcome to ENA!

 

Six weeks post 5-year relationship is very, very soon. This wound is still very fresh, especially seeing as you two were engaged and she broke up with you... I would even go as far as saying you haven't yet begun to experience the depths of this heartbreak...

 

You really need to focus on yourself and facing your grief over this break up. This is no time to bring someone else into this picture in terms of having a relationship with them. While that may be a nice temporary escape from the feelings attached to your break up, I don't think it is worth ruining the friendship you have with this amazing person...

 

So to answer your questions more succinctly, you need a good friend right now and this woman is best kept as that, it is way too soon, you are fooling yourself, and it is not fair to her no.

[pedro]

Ya, your right. It would be too soon. It would probably damage the friendship too (double loss!) Maybe in due time if my friend is still avaliable.

 

It has been a difficult road but I'm taking it one day at a time. I've tried NC with my ex for about a week, and that has been tough too. The problem is, I don't think my ex knows what she wants either. Even though she broke off the engagement, a week of NC sent her to reach out to me. I think she wants me back, but she isn't entirely sure. She's got alot of issues she is dealing with and it's rather complicated. I can't wait for her and I have to move on with my life.

[friscodj]

It has been a difficult road but I'm taking it one day at a time. I've tried NC with my ex for about a week, and that has been tough too. The problem is, I don't think my ex knows what she wants either. Even though she broke off the engagement, a week of NC sent her to reach out to me. I think she wants me back, but she isn't entirely sure. She's got alot of issues she is dealing with and it's rather complicated. I can't wait for her and I have to move on with my life.

 

Good insight Pedro, you sound to be on the right track for sure.

 

Unless she expressly tells you specifically that she has figured herself out and wants to try again with you, I would stick to NC. Actions speak louder than words, and nothing she says can match the volume of her calling off the engagement...

[Day_Walker]

Its hard to formally say how long that you should wait before attempting to date other people. The only answer is when you are ready to move on. This is when you realize that all of your baggage from your ex is gone.

[Northman]

You tried to patch it up. It didn't work. I respect that you did the long distance thing (me too), so go out and have some fun.

[LadyV]

I guess you'll know when the time is right but even then it can go pear-shaped. I thought i'd moved on (after being with my ex for 5+ years), that he wouldn't be coming back & he did after 4 months. I couldn't handle it, did complete NC, kept seeing the person i was with & 4 months later (now), its all blewn up in my face.

 

I really thought i'd moved on but i haven't & guess i was doing the whole rebound thing (not good), thinking that i had no choice but to move on. I know i want to be with my ex & i'm trying to build bridges at the moment. I don't know what'll happen but i know that i've got to try.

 

Like others have said, don't rush into anything with your friend or anyone else for that matter as rebounds only mess with everyone's heads. It's not easy but NC does help if you stick with it.