He's coming over this weekend

[FoxLocke]

Thanks Pru. I'll do that.

 

Honestly, I just really wanted to hang around him and get to know him better. I didn't think revealing my sexuality would cause him to try and seduce me. I'm pretty naive about relationship matters, as you may have noticed. I was thinking hanging out could be like going on a date. Nothing formal but spending time together.

 

Now I'm sorta nervous about it because sex was so not on the agenda...I think when he calls me up again I'm going to reinforce the point that we will be in separate rooms, and everything is strictly plutonic.

[KIDD]

Thanks Pru. I'll do that.

 

Honestly, I just really wanted to hang around him and get to know him better. I didn't think revealing my sexuality would cause him to try and seduce me. I'm pretty naive about relationship matters, as you may have noticed. I was thinking hanging out could be like going on a date. Nothing formal but spending time together.

 

Now I'm sorta nervous about it because sex was so not on the agenda...I think when he calls me up again I'm going to reinforce the point that we will be in separate rooms, and everything is strictly plutonic.

 

 

Hey Foxlocke! I think that's good that your standing your ground. I say just get to know him better for now & don't do anything that you don't want to do. If he is a good friend, he'll understand & respect your wishes that you don't want to have sex & that it is not on the agenda.I wish the best for you. I'm assuming that maybe perhaps you were giving him the wrong signals towards him. Maybe just letting him know flat out in a respectful way will just clear things up. Anyway, I wish the best for you Foxlocke!

[annie24]

I totally see where you're coming from, why you don't want to be his "sexual experimentation buddy." I guess if he tries to make a move on you, just say what you told us - that you're "old-fashioned" and don't want to get romantically / sexually involved with a guy who is not out, and is not your boyfriend.

 

but that you'll gladly be friends in the meantime...

[omgroman]

How can you say that you don't wanna be in a relationship with someone who isn't open in being gay? When you aren't yourself, is that fair? You've told a few people you barely know, and this guy you at some point 'liked', interesting. What you sound like to me is, " yay i'm open, but shhh don't tell anyone!", it honestly doesn't make any sense.

The guy is cleary gay, and i don't think it should make you laugh, because you told people you were straight until you admitted to yourself that you're gay, so you're basically laughing at yourself. Another thing is, since the beginning of the relationship, you wouldn't tell him until a few days ago that you're gay. Now, it's like either he admits to being gay, or you two cant be in a relationship togethor, when just up till that point, you both were basically lieing to each other about your sexuality. Again, it seems unfair to me, or is it just me?

By the way it sounds, about the phone conversations is, he's telling you he's a bottem, with the 'ill be the female' or w/e, it's something i do think you do need to know, in case the time does come..and you both arent ruining the mood trying to decide on who get's to be the top and who get's to be the bottem. So..what now?You don't like him anymore because he wants you? Are you scared he's gonna rape you while you're sleeping or something, so he now has to sleep in a different room? You two can cleary hang out without it being sexual, he just wants to spend time with you.

I've always started to believe how some of these comments,have changed your opinion about your relationship, whether they were meant to be helpful or not. He's talking about hypothetical relationships on the phone, he's exited to come on, asks about some gay porn, and it's being made out like he's experimenting on you, and using you for his toy. It's made you change the way you see him, and you don't like it.

[FoxLocke]

I don't tell anyone that I'm straight. I just don't tell everyone I'm gay. There is a big difference. That kind of information is completely inconsequential. I VOLUNTEERED it because we are becoming friends. I wanted a friend to know that. It is called being honest. I don't play games with people. I am open about it to anyone who wants to know that I care about. Otherwise being gay or straight has nothing to do with who I am as a person. You don't have to be a "I'm here I'm q__r accept it!" type of individual to be gay. I've never made any plans to be a gay activist.

However, I am not going to pretend to be something that I'm not just to appease society either. That is what He is doing by going along being straight.

 

My point is that I don't want to start a relationship with someone going through an identity crisis, no more no less. Insecurity is not a great character trait.

 

Yes, I went through a period of sexual confusion. But I had to learn the truth myself and not use someone as an experiment.

 

Do I like him? Yes...

 

Am I attracted to him? Very much...In a way so much that I don't really trust myself around him.

So I'd rather nip his issues in the bud rather than be emotionally damaged in the longterm.

 

I'm looking for a relationship...not a fling. If that were the case I could just get a new shirt and go out to a club. That's not what I'm looking for with him.

 

He's at a confused point in his life because he's dealing with it. I'll be a friend to him but not a friend with Benefits!

[annie24]

Foxlocke - you are so smart and emotionally grounded. I'm glad that you realize that he's not the right guy for you at this stage (if you are looking for a relationship and he's looking to experiment).

 

Sometimes, I know better than to get involved with someone, but I do it anyways, and then I wind up getting hurt, with only myself really to blame

[Prufrock06]

I feel like the issue here is about whether two guys can get involved in a serious relationship if one or the other isn't out to himself, let alone to others. Granted, this can put a lot of pressure on a relationship, especially if one is trying to keep the relationship a secret as a means of keeping up appearances within the straight community. And I don't think it's unfair for someone to not want to get involved in a relationship with someone who's struggling with his sexuality -- of course, it would be a completely different thing if FoxLocke was trying to avoid him overall, but I don't think that's the case. It seems to me from the previous posts in this thread that FoxLocke is more than willing to remain friends with this guy and to provide any emotional support needed as this guy goes through what is obviously a difficult transition. I don't think there's anything wrong, however, with not wanting to get emotionally and physically involved with someone who's in the middle of this kind of crisis because, like it or not, there is always the risk of becoming someone's "experiment" which isn't fair to the other member of the relationship. And I guess you could make an exception for this guy were he comfortable with himself but not necessarily out to the majority of his friends or family -- but the root issue here is that this guy still has conflicts with himself, and not just with how the outside world would perceive his sexuality. I feel like there's a difference between a gay guy who's out to himself but not to others and a gay guy who's not even out to himself and still seems in turmoil like this guy does (at least, as FoxLocke describes him).

 

 

 

All due respect, but this is ridiculous -- why are sexual roles so important when they aren't even in a relationship together? Maybe I'm biased because I don't look at gay sex as a matter of roles (ie. top and bottom, male or female, etc.) -- for me, just because I want to be the top one day doesn't mean that's some kind of assigned role that I have to follow through on for the rest of the relationship. I guess for me, the sexual dynamics of a gay relationship don't have to be categorized into roles or positions. I guess my motto would be "Versatility Now!" LOL

 

 

 

I don't think the issue here has anything to do with rape fears or fears of being wanted, but instead FoxLocke standing firm on what he thinks of as a more traditional way of approaching relationships -- ie. it's better to get to know someone as a friend without constantly having to dig through this fog of sex that, from previous posts, seems to be the predominant issue on this guy's mind. You're right in that they can hang out without it being sexual and I think this is what FoxLocke is concerned about and exactly what he wants.

 

But ultimately, if he doesn't like the way this guy approaches these issues, if he now is less than thrilled about this guy, then that's FoxLocke's business and there's nothing wrong with him changing his mind about a guy he likes. Almost everyone does it all the time -- otherwise we would all get sucked into these relationships we didn't want to be in simply because we thought that once we made a decision to like someone or not, we had to stick with that for the rest of our lives. People fall out of interest with other people everyday and it's OK -- it's not like he's leaving this guy in the dirt, alone with his problems. He's just not interested any longer in pursuing a relationship at this point.

 

Apologies in advance if I've misinterpreted either of your thoughts and views. I'm just basing this on what's been posted and how I've followed this particular thread.

[FoxLocke]

Pru, you summed it up perfectly. lol. It is not that I don't still like him...It's just that I'm looking for something more than my friend can offer right now. He's in a world of confusion and I don't need to heighten his issues. Yes, I'll still be friends with him(unless he betrays me or something), but It can go no further unless he wants to accept who he is and commit to something. Yeah, I could easily have a fling with him...The way we flirt makes it quite obvious. But I don't want that. I would like to be with him exclusively.

 

Thanks Pru and Annie!

[omgroman]

Hm, well ok i guess, you actually made it much more clearer then he did himself pru, but i also quit reading what you had to say after the second paragraph. Some of the things i said were meant to be funny ( ex. the part about being raped in your sleep ), well i laughed at them anyway. >> Keep in mind i am 15, and i don't need everything i said broken down and explained to me. =) I actually got it the first time when Fox said it, i just had some questions, and concerns. I mean one post it was 'he's coming over, what should i do?' or something, then it was ' im not sure if i want him over anymore, maybe i should cancel', then 'okay he's coming over but sleeping in a separate room', and then ' i don't want him coming over'. (those arent accurate, just what i got out of the posts. ) This thread was just some emotional rollercoaster, unlike the previous threads you had about this guy.