How Could you

[Diggitydave]

I just loved you. Why.....

[AwdreeHpburn]

Good for you Diggity! I'm glad you're posting here.

 

I hope it helps.

[Rebel]

Let it out brother. Make today a good day. You did the best you could, and should know that in your heart. It doesn't matter what she thinks or feels, YOU loved her and YOU gave your all. Take pride in that!

[curlygirl47]

I'm so glad you shared what's on your heart.

 

I actually said as much to my ex the other day, and I added, "The only thing that comforts me a little is that I tried to do the best I could." He said, "you did everything you could. You've been nothing but good to me."

 

So, that's probably what your ex would say, if she really thought about it.

 

There's someone who loves me this way, too --- and I don't love him in the same way. So, I've tried to express many times how wonderful he is and how I wish things could be different, and how grateful I am for his love, etc. But it doesn't take away his pain, and I long for him to find true love that makes him happy.

 

I also said to my ex the other day, "I'll just have to find a way not to love you anymore." That's how I feel, alternately with, "I'll never get over this."

[Diggitydave]

See i kind of feel like i am forcing myself to get over this and it's not working. I love her. That can't be changed with anything. Love is Love. I feel like i'm in a tennis game and the other player just walked away in the middle of the game. I feel like a forgotten pot of boiling water, i feel like that one pin left up when you hit 9. I mean someone voluntarily walked away from me, what do you do? Most will say "get over it". BUT, if you love someone and their companionship means the world to you, you cannot just force it out. You can't tell it to go away. However, this has been going on way too long. Why does she call me sometimes? Why does she let her daughter call me? Am i going to be stuck in this rut forever? This can't go on any longer I refuse!.

[Rebel]

This is going to hurt, but you need to cut off all contact. With her, and her daughter. Change your phone number, or call your provider and have her number(s) blocked. Just my advice, I know even I probably wouldn't take it, but it's there for what it's worth

[curlygirl47]

"The only cure for love is to love more." I take this in at least two different ways. One is, just keep on trying, calling, asking, writing, until you finally wake up and realize this isn't working and try something different (as in letting go, doing no contact, moving to Siberia, whatever). The second interpretation is that to love more means that I want my ex to be happy above all else and to be free to love whomever he chooses in this life (because isn't that my greatest gesture of love for him?) Right now I'm working on that second interpretation and holding it tight. When a nosy someone told me information about my ex that I didn't want to know (who he was out with this weekend and how young she was), I said, "Well, I love P. and I want him to be happy." God help me to mean that and to accept whatever he has to do to be happy in this life, even if it means that he never wants to see me again.

 

I wish you comfort in your suffering. I wish you relief and rest and hope.

[SilverCloud]

[quote name=curlygirl47God help me to mean that and to accept whatever he has to do to be happy in this life, even if it means that he never wants to see me again.

[/quote]

 

I have been feeling the same since the last week. I want him to be happy but on the same time i want him to be with me. I love him yet the feeling of him being with someone else is like a dagger in the heart that cuts deeper and deeper.

 

I want him to be happy in his life, with or without me yet my heart wants to be selfish. I have yet to learn to shut off the thoughts of him..I agree "love is love", when you fall in love you are not thinking of falling out of it. When i love i love all the way or nothing at all. Whats kind of love is partial? You cant call partial feelings love...

[curlygirl47]

Yes, I know. My heart aches all the time, and I miss my ex's touch and smile and conversation terribly. But like Pam Tillis sings, "It's just one of those things that I can do nothing about."

 

We can have hope that one day our sorrow will heal and in the meantime that we can govern our own behavior and act in unselfish love.

[AwdreeHpburn]

Diggity, I loved your analogy about feeling like the last pin left standing. Very precisely descriptive. And when you said you feel like you've walked away from a boiling pot, I could totally relate. Even though it has been a while since I was dumped by a bf, I was instantly taken back to that feeling.

 

Seems to me, if judging by those writings, that you are a very passionate person. I don't know how long this hurt will take for you to get over. But I guarantee if she is still calling you, it will take loads longer.

 

You should ask her to please stop and let her know how much it hurts you. She prolly doesn't know. She calls because even though she's the one who left, she still left a life she was used to. It is probably hard for her on some levels too.

 

But you need to ask her to stop. Tell her that you feel you will never be able to move on if she keeps calling. Its like if someone were to die and as you're grieving their loss, they stop by or call you. THAT would suck and its isn't fair to you. You need the time to mourn the loss of the relationship and move on with your life.

[Diggitydave]

yeah i'm like overcooked in this area. I don't want any new people in my life to get the extra crispy version of me.

[okane24]

I'm with you! My ex broke up with me 2 days ago on my birthday. Shes 21 and I just turned 29. She's out studying in Hong Kong for another 3 months and I'm in San Diego. It hurts like hell! I just wanna know what happened that went sooo wrong. You're not alone...

[Diggitydave]

My ex told me once that your biggest weakness is that I am trying to fix myself and beating myself up because i don't get results. I guess that is some sort of indication of maybe i'm not broken and made normal human mistakes.

 

Is anyone here going through an identity crisis? Like you feel like a different person than you were before "them". Do you feel like now you have to change yourself because you think you "messed up" or think you have "issues to work out". I wonder if we have just magnified those issues since the break? I feel like I don't know who i am, or what i'm supposed to be doing. It's so weird!!!!!!

 

 

I hope she doesn't call me because i am weak right now. God give me the strength to say no, and to get over this, and live again, a fulfilled life, the one you called me to live. In Jesus Name Amen

[chigal28]

Diggity,

YES, I know exactly what you're talking about, with wanting to fix yourself, or feeling like you need to and don't really know how, or what to fix, or why. I was dumped about two months ago by someone I had really, really let myself fall for, and it hurt very much and still does--partly because I miss him and partly because I gave up so much of who I was to be with him, and now I have to find that again. And even though he says it was a "no-fault" situation (like a divorce!), I can't help but feel that I was too needy, had too many expectations...something....which now I need to fix in myself.

 

Everyone tells me (and I'm sure you've heard it too) that you "need to love yourself," and "make yourself happy." The thing is, they never say HOW. It's also hard to know whether what we're feeling is the result of, as you say, "normal human mistakes," or if there really is something wrong. But I'm happy to say I just started seeing a counselor, and I'm confident that she'll be able to help me sort through some of this....have you considered that avenue?

 

I firmly believe that a truly good relationship can be healthy, and help us deal with things about ourselves that we might not otherwise have seen or addressed--but I also believe that a good relationship can, unfortunately, allow us to mask our problems or issues and tuck them somewhere in our subconscious while we enjoy the relationship and focus on the other person. Then if/when that relationship ends, those problems and issues are still there, coupled with the feeling of abandonment by someone we truly cared for, and we're forced to either confront them, or repeat the cycle and find someone else to focus on so we don't have to deal with them (my preferred method, I'm just now realizing).

 

But kudos to you for realizing what you need to heal, and what is hindering you from that. Also, it sounds like your faith in God means a lot to you, so hopefully you can find some healing there.

[Diggitydave]

Nail on Head

[Diggitydave]

I got a lot of emotions out today. I'd say i've just skimmed off the top.

[Diggitydave]

Someday i'll be here just to help, hopefully sooner than later.

[Diggitydave]

It is tough but you must get past the feeling she has done anything wrong to you. Asking why is not just suicide, but it keeps you living in the past.

 

I haven't read all the details but try to have faith, and without judgment if you can, that she's just living her own fate. Take a look at your own fate. Is it to post on this website for the rest of your life? No way man.

 

Isn't there a part of you that feels like you're resisting destiny right now? Maybe today was the day you were supposed to meet someone important, or catch a baby thrown out of a burning building.

 

Probably doesn't help. Good luck though.

 

 

and yeah, you are right. I feel like I am resisting something. a few things actually. weird you said that.

[metalheart]

Do you wanna know how i feel?

 

Is anyone here going through an identity crisis? Like you feel like a different person than you were before "them". Do you feel like now you have to change yourself because you think you "messed up" or think you have "issues to work out". I wonder if we have just magnified those issues since the break? I feel like I don't know who i am, or what i'm supposed to be doing. It's so weird!!!!!!

 

Thats how i'm feeling all the days.. im sick-tired of feeling like this!

 

God give me the strength.. to get over this, and live again, a fulfilled life, the one you called me to live. In Jesus Name Amen

 

I used to be a religious person ( not going all the time to church but prayin and give to the Lord His importance in my life) but since all this, my beliefs in all the asect from life such as relationships, trust, love, commitment, religion and life had been completed destroyed by the person who i love like anyone else in my life..

 

I felt like He's forsaken me, like if its some kind of punish for something wrong.. but i just don't know what did i wrong!.. Used to think that was some kind of test, but.. what else can HE test about my love for her!?.. its unfair..

[Blue In Texas]

Hey Dave, I really like the point about the identity crisis. When they go, they don't take just themselves, they take your self-esteem, your confidence and perhaps worst of all, the interests and passions that you enjoyed in your past life. You are left with nothing but time to fill and no passions or interests to fill them. I won't give you advice, insofar as all I would be doing is repeating some of the same good advice that you have already posted. Remember that you were feeling pretty good when you thought you had posted here for the final time a couple of weeks back. Those feelings are not far from taking over again.