A little advice

[andsoitis]

So, I'll take a quick 2 seconds to explain my situation, and any advice/comments you can give would be awesome.

 

I was dating a girl for 5 months, and we were very close. We were friends before, and we progressed to more, and the relationship we had was amazing. I felt like I could spend the rest of my life with her. She had past emotional problems due to childhood issues (which will play into the story more later), but never showed any signs while we were together. One day, totally out of the blue, she broke up with me and never really gave me a solid reason why. Then, she called back a day later sobbing and stating that she couldn't live without me. So we got back together. Almost a month later, she did it again, and broke up with me stating she didn't love me anymore. So I moved on. As painful as it was (and it was awful), I didn't contact her for almost 2 months. Finally, I called her to help her out with some legal issues she was having. I was on my way to completely healing, and talking to her wasn't as big of a deal as I thought it would be. I just wanted to remain friends as much as possible.

Because of school, I didn't see her until late last year (5 months after the break up). She confessed that she was still in love with me, but she was also dating some other new guy. Here's where the emotionally unstable thing kicks in. Their relationship is very possesive and border-line verbally abusive. After this confession, I asked her to make a choice between a life with me and a life with this other guy. She picked the other guy, and I told her not to contact me until she straightened her life out.

 

Here's the problem. Since then, I haven't been able to get this situation out of my head. It's completely inhibited my healing process from the initial break-up. I can't help but feeling cheated and hurt because I know she still loves me, and I still love her, but I don't know what the deal is. Is this normal? Any comments or suggestions are more than welcome. Thanks!

[DN]

It would be normal but for the fact that she does not love you. If she did she would be with you not the other guy. Perhaps if you can accept that fact it may help you to heal because otherwise you are always going to hope she will come back to you.

[altosinger314]

It just doesn't sound like she's ready for a healthy relationship. She may not even realize it. I know it sounds harsh now, but moving on is the best thing you can do for yourself right now...

[coollady1957]

I agree with the other posts here. She chose the other guy , so it would appear that she doesnt really love you. I know you have high hopes and want her to eventually come back with you. If I were you I would move on and enjoy life and do not look back even once or think about this girl again, She made her choice. Now you need to make the choice to continue your healing process and don't attempt to contact her again. I wish you the best.

[PocoDiablo]

Sounds like she needed more excitement and drama than you were providing, and it was reinforcing her low self esteem to be with this other guy. That's a hard situation to understand, and even harder to "fix." It's not your fault, and there is probably nothing you can do to "fix" it either.

 

What do you do? Remember that everyone makes their own decisions, and everyone grows up sooner or later. She'll probably snap out of it.

[AwdreeHpburn]

I agree with all the posts so far too.

 

Maybe she does have some residual love feelings but I wouldn't hold out hope for a comeback. Besides, do you really want a back and forth type relationship? How do you know if she does come back that she'll stay with you for any length of time?

 

I think you did the right thing initially by maintaining NC for those couple of months. You said yourself you were getting over it and stronger.

 

I think you'll do much better without this person in your life. At least not for a really long time and especially not romantically. Doesn't sound like she has a lot of respect for you or healthy relationships.