Should We Give Men A Threesome to Stop Them From Straying??

[Brooding_Goddess]

I heard something funny today - that women who organise and engage in threesome are likelier to retain their partners than those who dont. Reason being, the woman offers so much variety to the partner that he doesnt need to find it elsewhere personally so he sticks around since there is so much fun to be had. And they dont mean bicurious or bisexual women sort of threesome, but one where the men are usually allowed to enter another woman How bizarre is that?!?!

[miracle29]

LOL..not only is this "bizarre" but its borderlined stupid. How is this keeping a man faithful? When you think about it..this woman is basically saying is if you let your man have sex with another woman..and you're in the same room he wont cheat on you in the future. Its really like saying "well he's going to cheat one way or the other so you better help him get it out of his system?

 

This is just as much him being with another women ...as it is him doing it behind your back. I think this is a crock. And any woman who feels she has to let her man sleep with other women..to keep him happy..isnt in a healthy nor fair relationship.

 

I would like to flip the question:

I'd like to know how many men would allow their wives..or sig others to sleep with other men (with them watching or not) just to keep her happy?

 

I think you would find a ton of "dumped" or "unhappy" women.

[OceanEyes]

If this is what it takes to keep a man in the long run, then I'd say, "go ahead and mess around, but don't think you're coming back after that". I will NEVER try to control a man by playing his games and acting like I'm 'into' what he's into.

 

I truly believe that men in general have assumptions made about them all the time; all are unfaithful and can't be trusted, all they ever think about is sex, there is no real depth or sensitivity, etc. I've witnessed first-hand that this is NOT true - and even though all of my long-term boyfriends have been very sexual, there is a lot more going on in their lives than that. Sex is less about getting off and more about a physical appreciation, comfort, and intimate connection. The longer I've spent with a guy, the more evident this has become. Sex isn't just about having an orgasm anymore, there are actual emotional, mental, and physical benefits that go WAY beyond just getting each other off.

 

I'd say that a woman who hastily agrees to a threesome despite her better judgement is a desperate woman trying to hold onto whatever bones are thrown her way. This is fine for some women, and even a normal part of life for others. Speaking for myself, if whether or not my man was going to be faithful depended on whether or not I stepped way out of character and agreed to swinging/ threesomes/ kinky sex, I'd have a pretty good idea of how to find the door. It's not right when you have to go that low to keep someone.

 

When love is right, your relationship will never depend on something like this. It's much easier and less painful when there is a true connection and compatibility.

[ehm doubleyou]

As a guy, I used to feel like I wanted to experience a threesome...but now I could not care less if it never happens...My advice to keep a man is to make sure you F his brains out to his reasonalble sexual desires...but us guys need to also put effort into it to keep their woman by their side as well....thats what makes a successful relationship work.

[RayKay]

I heard something funny today - that women who organise and engage in threesome are likelier to retain their partners than those who dont. Reason being, the woman offers so much variety to the partner that he doesnt need to find it elsewhere personally so he sticks around since there is so much fun to be had. And they dont mean bicurious or bisexual women sort of threesome, but one where the men are usually allowed to enter another woman How bizarre is that?!?!

 

Ugh, well I guess if your only goal is to hold onto someone whom values putting their penis in other women above being with you, and living with the self esteem issues and trust issues that come from it....then sure, it might work.

 

"Retaining partner" does not equal to "having a happy, successful relationship". I'd rather be happy alone, then miserable together!

 

Why can variety not come from within the relationship? Long term does not automatically mean boring. A couple can spice things up between themselves.

 

I asked my partner what he thought of this theory and his response was "people whom believe that don't know what they are missing".

 

I agree fully with Ocean Eyes on this one. There is more to men then their penis, and their life is about more then finding something to "stick it into". They love deeply, respect commitment, and value way more in a relationship then just sex. I have experienced this myself - it is not just about getting off.

 

Sorry, but if I had to "keep" a guy by engaging in things that went against my beliefs and that would undermine how I felt about myself/relationships, that would be an indication it was time for me to leave that relationship.

[Mrocza]

I understand it's some male fantasy to engage in a threesome but I agree with all of the above. It's a desperate measure one takes to try to salvage something that isn;t there. It sounds ridiculous.

 

If a man wants to experience other women, I'm not going to compromise by compensating my better judgement for his pleasure.

 

I think any type of swinging is a recipe for disaster in any relationship. You can keep a man satisfied in many other ways.

 

My boyfirned and I got into a heated discussion about this. His all-time fantasy is a threesome. I told him if he wants to fool around with other women, go ahead, do it without me. He can be rid of me in every way. He said he wants to see ME with another woman. Um, ok? I told him if I ever saw him touching/sleeping with another girl, I would not be able to be with him.. I think this is the common reaction...

 

it's weird, because I know my boyfriend loves me to pieces and treats me like gold, but then insinuates these little things... :S

[LotusFlower]

One day men will stop getting away with the 'primal instinct' and bogus thoughts about beeing 'wired different then women', or 'more visual'.

 

sex is a reflection of the relationship in my opinion, it is by far not what makes one.

[Miss M]

I would like to flip the question:

I'd like to know how many men would allow their wives..or sig others to sleep with other men (with them watching or not) just to keep her happy?

 

I think you would find a ton of "dumped" or "unhappy" women.

Actually a woman poster (susan225) started a thread about that exact thing. Susan was the wife whose husband wanted to see her have sex with other guys while he watched. Definitely not for everyone, but she found it worked for her...

sharing his wife

 

But personally, I agree with the others here... stay true to yourself and your values and then find the guy who meets you there.

 

He said he wants to see ME with another woman.

Have you ever tried asking him if he'd like to be with another guy? ... or participate in a threesome where it was you and two guys? Unless that's also a fantasy of his, maybe it will help him understand how you feel?

[Mrocza]

 

 

Have you ever tried asking him if he'd like to be with another guy? ... or participate in a threesome where it was you and two guys? Unless that's also a fantasy of his, maybe it will help him understand how you feel?

 

LOL, I did that.

 

We've worked it out and he realizes his fantasy will be lived out in his PJ's...in his dreams

 

It was funny when I suggested it.

 

Me: Ok, sure. How about a threesome with another guy? How would you feel about watching me with another guy?

Him: But I'm not asking to be with another girl, just watch you.

Me: Ok, can I watch you with another guy?

Him: *stares* That's different.

 

Eventually, as usual, I won over his twisted logic

[Miss M]

LOL, I did that.

 

We've worked it out and he realizes his fantasy will be lived out in his PJ's...in his dreams

 

It was funny when I suggested it.

 

Me: Ok, sure. How about a threesome with another guy? How would you feel about watching me with another guy?

Him: But I'm not asking to be with another girl, just watch you.

Me: Ok, can I watch you with another guy?

Him: *stares* That's different.

 

Eventually, as usual, I won over his twisted logic

LOL, Oh, that's funny!

I had a few similar conversations, but they were wannabe boyfriends (and they never made it any further either). One conversation I remember, and I was very irritated at being asked about this yet again. When I told him to imagine the same situation in reverse, he was shocked, and finally got my point. But even before he could fully understand it, he still said he thought all girls were into each other, and that's why he thought I might want to do it. I told him that it was HIS fantasy that all girls were into girls. And I had to remind him that some women were as heterosexual as he was, and not the least bit interested in having sex with women. It's all very simple really, but I'm perplexed about why it's so difficult for guys to grasp... but I guess they're just too busy "fantasizing."

[Brooding_Goddess]

I cant agree more to what has been said but what about the majority of women out there who share their bf or husbands? I once stumble upon an adult site and found so many couples looking for single woman to play! And some even swing both ways! What I am curious about is their mentality and how they think they could actually make it work and keep the relationship intact. Still all a bit new and raw to me LOL

[Miss M]

BG, the fact that you started this thread, and your curiosity about this, your questions... well, I do get the sense that it's something you might like to explore? But it seems most of the responses here are from people who wouldn't be inclined in that same way. Maybe this community just tends to lean in a different direction? But really, I'm absolutely certain there are many other boards and websites on the net where you could find more info about this subject. I'm sorry, I can't help because I seriously can't get my brain around this one... I'm just not wired that way. But I do know that having sex with multiple partners is nothing new and has been been going on just as long as there have been humans. And it seems if you start exploring, you can find just about anything you want with just a few keystrokes. And I think it's very important to also explore inwardly to see if you're able to emotionally handle it, because it does seem very prone to all kinds of emotional complications.

 

In any case, I wish you luck, peace, happiness, and healing.

[Brooding_Goddess]

Thank you for your encouragement Miss M but no, it isnt something I want to explore because I am fundamentally fragile (emotional aspect) and wouldnt be able to share my man emotionally let alone physically.

 

Just that the article fascinate me. And what I see on link removed is amazing as well. So I wonder how it all work and why would people do it in the very first place. Do they get a kick out of watching their partners do another woman or just to make sure they keep him in check

[OceanEyes]

What works for my relationship may not work for yours, and vice versa. I've been approached to have threesomes 5 times now (roughly once a year since I turned 19), and 4 of those have been long-term couples who I already knew having "happy relationships". I've been very surprised every time it's happened because these couples were not typically who I would have expected to approach me for a sexual rendezvous. But believe me, the female counterparts were just as interested in the act than the men were - if not MORE - and more aggressive with me.

 

The difference between something being fun and exciting, and something being sad and pathetic is consent and openness to the experience. If both parties are INTO it, then why the hell not? There's nothing wrong with sexual experimentation as long as both people consent. If one person has doubts and doesn't feel good about it, it's very sad ... usually symptomatic of an individual with very low self-esteem and fear of being alone.

[needherlove]

I'm probably not as experience to have an opinion about this thread but...We all have differences and here is my opinion.

 

What to do to keep your someone you either grow to love, need, or want? This, to me, also means meeting your own desire or need and then have to deal with the consequences.

 

For example my wife has never been an affectionate person, but I love her so much and don't want to lose her. So...

 

I, the majority of the time have had to be the one to initiate sex by foreplay, or simply just tell her I was going to give her what I knew she wanted (oral sex) and start to caress her and kiss her (getting her there). Of course this is what I also expect from her But...

 

The consequence was that she would just lay on her back and while I helped myself and gave her multiple orgasms, then I had to do the rest to make me have mine by telling her to move around in different positions while she did nothing, I'm not saying I don't love it, of course I love to do this to her but I also expect the same from her but she never really did. And when she did and I expressed myself by closing my eyes and enjoying the feeling she would think that I was faking it because she thought she just wasn't good enough.

 

I never left her and never did plan on leaving her even though I cheated on her twice, but that’s a different thread.

 

We all try to do something for them and for ourselves and if a woman thinks a threesome will work then that’s what she will expect from him later on.

[ShySoul]

It keeps men in the relationship because it basically tells the man that he can have sex with any women he wants and that is ok. The man thinks that it is a good arrangement and is apt to stay realizing that in another relationship he isn't going to get that.

 

There is also the element that for some it may appear that the women loves them enough to do that for them. However, the act tends to not be out of love but out of desparation to keep someone who most likely isn't worth keeping.

 

It's silly and its stupid. It doesn't guarante it keeps a man, and if it does it is for very superficial reasons. Do you really want a guy who would do that? Or do you want a guy who will devote himself to you and you alone?

 

If someone really loves you, they will want to be with you and only you, now and forever.