wishfulthinking Posted March 2, 2006 Share Posted March 2, 2006 soo there is this guy i met at school....we lived in the dorms together, and i always thought he was cute. But we hardly ever talked, i was better friends with his best friend. the night before it was time to move out of the dorms, we ended up kissing out of nower. i felt guilty and i told him that i didnt want too fool around anymore because i had just broke up wiht my bf....and he was very understanding.. we didnt talk all summer, and then wen school started, we ended up having a class together. We decided to hang out, and ended up kissing again. the only thing is...he wld call me maybe once a week to hang out, and i fwasnt sure if he was just using me or actually liked spendin time with me...we have NEVER ever talked about us....i am too afraid to ask him how he feels abut me. the other night, we had sex for the frist time...we have amazing chemistry, and are totally comfortable with one another. we talked about our lives, and about our past relationships, but he sstill hasnt told me he likes me, but i mean if he didn't why wld he bother spending that time with me? he told me that he hasnt been with any other grls,,,and i know i shldnt just take his word because u never know.... but why wld he just tell me that? i need some advice on how to talk to him about US. if there is even an US ....please let me know wut u think Link to comment
robowarrior Posted March 2, 2006 Share Posted March 2, 2006 Your fear holds you in a state of hell, confess your feelings to him and you will release yourself from that, see it like this. You always miss if you never shoot. If you confess to him, and he likes you you might get a relationship of commitment on long term, if he says no , you can break up and move on with your life. What you have to say to him, is that you want to bring your relationship on a higher level with him, and out of the 'friends' zone. Link to comment
keenan Posted March 2, 2006 Share Posted March 2, 2006 You've had sex with him, but you're too afraid to ask him how he feels about you? This feels backwards to me, but let's go with it. What if next time you're hanging out with him (in bed or out), talking about your lives and your past relationships, you just casually throw something out there like, "So...what are your feelings about us? Being with you is really cool; we've got good chemistry. What do you think about it??" Is that too basic, or were you looking for something more? Link to comment
sweetheart230 Posted March 2, 2006 Share Posted March 2, 2006 Well what do you want? Are you ok with friends with benefits, or do you want a possible relationship out of it? I mean he definitely could like you, but if you guys havn't discussed it yet then you're not really together. If you want a relationship, you should tell him that you don't like to have sex outside a relationship and that it was really good but you need it to be more than fwb. if you really do want a relationship, then you have to be willing to walk away if he's unwilling to give more. Link to comment
AwdreeHpburn Posted March 2, 2006 Share Posted March 2, 2006 Its so hard to say. Is this a casual sex, college type relationship? Do you want more from it? Sounds like you should figure out what you want from him and then don't ever be shy to get what you want or tell someone what you want from them. I agree with Keenan. Use that wording. "Being with you is really cool, I think we've got good chemistry, what do you think?" Link to comment
wishfulthinking Posted March 2, 2006 Author Share Posted March 2, 2006 I am starting too like him more and more....but the thing is we only hang out like maybe one a week...or two. and I do have the gut feeling that he like this whole fwb's situation, because i mean if he really liked me wouldn't he have told me by now? honestly in the beginning i was ALL for this whole casual fwb situation because i wasnt ready for a bf, because i am not over my ex quite yet. but the more i hang out wiht him i forget about my ex. we get along really well, he was very respectful wen i told him that i didn't want to have sex right away. the only weird part of our relationship is thjat there wasnt really any friendship, like we knew each other and had smalll talk but it wasnt like we knew each other very well. we just foujnd ourselves attracted to one another, and we have been doing this since september. any guys out there been in a situation like this? can u give me any advice on what u think i shld do. has anyone been friends with benifits with a grl this long, and if soo did u hav any feelings? Link to comment
ShySoul Posted March 3, 2006 Share Posted March 3, 2006 Friendship is the foundation of a real and lasting relationship. Without it, the relationship will eventually crumble, no matter the chemistry or how good the sex is. Have a talk about just what is going on with the two of you. Don't wait for him to talk about it, force the issue. You deserve to have a real relationship, and if he can't handle it, then its best to get out before you get any more attached and end up seriously hurt. Let him know that you need more, you need a friendship and to be able to see him more. If he wants the same thing as you, then he'll agree. If he is just looking for the benefits, then you are better off knowing now. Link to comment
wishfulthinking Posted March 4, 2006 Author Share Posted March 4, 2006 thank u for everyone's advice.... i think wat i am gonna do is just ignore his calls wen he wants to "hang out" and then see if he is still interested....i think that will give me my answer...does that sound good? Link to comment
traz Posted March 5, 2006 Share Posted March 5, 2006 bah, don't play games like that, just talk to him and figure out where his head is at. Link to comment
shebop Posted March 5, 2006 Share Posted March 5, 2006 exactly..dont play games...just ask him casually: "are you looking for a relationship?" see what he says..you'll have your anwser pretty quick. it sounds like you like him, there is no point in doing what your doing as your going to end up getting hurt. just ask him straight out and then you can decide if you accept what he says or not. Link to comment
ShySoul Posted March 6, 2006 Share Posted March 6, 2006 Ditto to what shebop and traz said. You don't need games and they can just make things work. Simply talk about what is on your mind. Link to comment
wishfulthinking Posted March 9, 2006 Author Share Posted March 9, 2006 i'm really shy when it comes to talking to guys about relationships.....and i dont wanna freak him out by asking him about being boyfriend and girlfriend especially cause i don't no how he feels....he only calls me to hang out once in awhile.....and every time we do we full around.....i know it wasnt about being a "booty call" because weve been doing this since september and we just reccently started having sex.....which was my decision....he never asked or begged to hav sex....so i kno it wasnt about that....i guess i shld just tell him that i like him....and that i want to spend more time with him.. Link to comment
NJRon Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 You aren't going to be sending the right signals if you start ignoring him. Have you even said, "I really like hanging out with you" and see how he responds? I think you should say exactly what you wrote... that you like him and you'd like to spend more time with him. Link to comment
ShySoul Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 If you don't talk to him about it, you run the risk of him not saying anything and then you will still be confused about everything and not happy with where you stand. You have to talk, no matter how hard it may be. Like njron said, just tell him what you told us, that you like him and want to spend more time with him, seeing where things go. Link to comment
wishfulthinking Posted March 9, 2006 Author Share Posted March 9, 2006 lol i have not told him......i kinda just figureed he knew since we hang out and enjoy meessing around with each other.....im just gna have to tell him how i feeel...and hope i dont get turned down...... Link to comment
NJRon Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 Yeah, assuming something is always a big mistake in my experience. Better to be clear. Good luck Link to comment
ShySoul Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 lol... As my sig alludes to, never assume. It makes an a** out of u and me. Good luck, hope it works out for the best. Link to comment
NJRon Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 lol... As my sig alludes to, never assume. It makes an a** out of u and me. Spekaing of which, I think that conversation snippet is hilarious Link to comment
ShySoul Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 Even funnier when you know that Michel is a rude and annoying French guy saying that. Link to comment
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