meeting someone off the net for the first time

[baldo]

How do you greet them? A hand shake seems too formal, nothing gives off the wrong signals and makes you look nervous, so do you think a peck on the cheek is a good way to begin?

[Scout]

Before my current relationship, I dated someone briefly I met online. When we arranged our first date, I was so nervous. I mean, REALLY nervous. So, to break the ice, when I walked into the restaurant we agreed to meet at, I gave him a brief hug and jokingly said, "Act like we know each other!" He laughed, and that did help ease the nervousness for both of us.

 

EDIT: The hug might seem a bit much, but we had some great phone conversations and emails leading up to the date, so it seemed "ok" to do so. It wasn't a big bear hug or anything, and I didn't throw my body against him in the hug, either.

[NJRon]

Usually, when meeting someone for the first time from the Internet, I don't use any physical gesture to meet them. Then, after the date, I either hug or shake hands... depending on what message I want to send.

[Scout]

And that's good, NJRon. I think guys are under a bit more pressure not to make any body contact at first. Like I said, this guy and I had talked for hours and emailed back and forth, so there was a bit more latitude for a hug, but I like your style of respecting the initial boundaries.

[NJRon]

Well, yeah, and I'm not counting the one time when we skipped a few steps

[orgasmictofu]

I've met a few guys off the net (more out of boredom and wanting to meet new people than trying to find the love of my life). Every single one I've met I haven't made any kind of contact to begin with. Just hey, how's it going kind of thing. And then depending on how it goes, on your way out, you can give them a hug, or just nice meeting you, see you around. Or if you're daring and it went well, a quick peck on the lips is great. Leave them wanting more.

 

Works for me.

[didyoumissme]

I think it depends on how long you known them online and close you become.

 

Just recently, I got on a flight and met my good friend online last month.

I known her for a good 5 years tho. We are penpals and write back and forth to one another often. We chatted online alot Ex: on messages boards, email , exchange photos, ims etc. We spoken on the phone numberous of times as well. So, when I arrived to her airport and seen her for the very first time. I was really excited to meet her. I wasn't that nervous at all really .I gave her a big hug and we just kept talking about anything and everything like we normal would before we actually met in person.

But, If you are going to met a boy or girl for the first time in hopeing for a relationship that maybe a different story. I for one, would be very nervous in that case.

[PocoDiablo]

Crack a joke. "Hey, I thought you said you were going to meet me alone, who are all these people?"

 

Give them a hug. Be confident. Smile. Take it from there.

[RayKay]

Very subjective.

 

I have (had) done quite a bit of online dating in the past, and meetings ranged from just a smile and a "hello" to a short, but friendly, hug.

 

My current boyfriend & I met and gave each other one of the latter little friendly hugs before we walked into the pool place we were meeting at. I think we were both relieved...well I know HE was, he always reminds me his thoughts when he saw me were "phew" followed by "jackpot, she's a hottie!!" (okay, that is paraphrased a bit but not really).

 

It really depends on the persons involved and your comfort level. After all for some people the "kiss kiss" on each cheek is standard, for others nothing but a formal handshake is acceptable at that time.

[Scout]

he always reminds me his thoughts when he saw me were "phew" followed by "jackpot, she's a hottie!!" (okay, that is paraphrased a bit but not really).

 

Allow me to brag a bit here...the guy in question I referenced above showed me a text conversation a couple of dates later that he had on our first date with one of his friends. When I had gone to the restroom on our first date, his friend texted "How's the date going?" and my date's text response was "She's hot!" Guys can act like such 7th grade girls!!

[RayKay]

Allow me to brag a bit here...the guy in question I referenced above showed me a text conversation a couple of dates later that he had on our first date with one of his friends. When I had gone to the restroom on our first date, his friend texted "How's the date going?" and my date's text response was "She's hot!" Guys can act like such 7th grade girls!!

 

LOL, no kidding....but, it can be endearing

[ShySoul]

I agree with didyoumissme. It depends on how long you have known the person and how close of friends you are. If it is someone you have known online for awhile, and are really close to, a hug is fine. If its someone you don't know well, handshake, wave, or the like is appropriate.

 

Really, don't focus on what to do with the little things like that. Instead, think big picture. Don't get lost in the minute details. Concentrate on getting to know each other better and having a good time. If you do, the little things will take care of themselves as you'll do what comes naturally and feels right. The biggest problem people face is anxiety and nervousness about meeting a supposed stranger. Yet, if you have taken the time to talk online, then the person really isn't a stranger. They aren't going to be seizing you up or judging every little thing you do. There doesn't need to be awkward moments. Just be yourself, have fun, and do what comes naturally.

[Scout]

Really, don't focus on what to do with the little things like that. Instead, think big picture. Don't get lost in the minute details.

 

This is wise advice in many areas of our lives. I'm going to repeat this daily ShySoul!

[ShySoul]

It's easier said then done Scout. I know I need to take my own advice more often in regards to that. But much of the problems I see happening are because people put too much focus on things that don't matter in the larger scheme. Paying attention to details is good for some things, but its a process of learning what is important to look at more closely, and what isn't.

 

Hope you have better luck then I at discerning the difference. Take care.

[Scout]

I often have trouble discerning the difference, but hey, it's all a lifelong journey...

[baldo]

so do you reckon a peck on the cheek is too familiar?

[ShySoul]

How well do you know her? If you've been talking for a few months and have gotten to the point where you would do something like that, it could be ok.

 

But generally, I would think that would be too much.

[Msnak]

Let's see...the half-dozen guys I've met from online, I only hugged one right away. Which was a bad idea. He kissed me unexpectedly, right after I'd told him not to!

 

The guys I've liked the MOST...we didn't touch at all when meeting. Just walked up within two steps of each other and said hi. It builds tension and keeps you from touching someone you might want to punch later.

[ShySoul]

I've met to girls. One I didn't teach until much later, after we had gotten to know each other and knew feelings were there. The other I hugged upon first meeting, but that was after 3 and a half months of talking nearly everyday, first online and then on the phone. So I would think a kiss would be much too soon, much too fast.

 

msnak - You changed your avatar. Ah, I liked Kermit.

[eleanorrigby1]

I have been on loads of dates with guys I met online. one texted me the night before and said "do I kiss you on the cheek or the mouth tomorrow when we meet?" I replied with "kiss kiss? you can shake my hand MISTER!! and we laughed, so when we met we both kind of walked up to each other and I pointed to my cheek and he instead shook my hand and we laughed.

 

Its always awkward meeting someone for the first time, I always used to worry i wouldnt recognised them, that even though I had seen a million photos of them on the internet that in real life they would look so completely different I wouldnt know them! ridiculous, nerves are horrible. In fact I usually feel sick before a date! lol!

 

But I just walk over slowly, let them walk over to me and I smile and say "Hi!"and then we take a seat, usually you dont make any physical contact until the end of the date.

 

I always met them for coffee or lunch first too, so the time is limited and you dont have to feel awkward if you want to leave.

 

good luck!

[Jealous1]

I had met soemone online - It was horrible (don't want to put you off!)

 

i remember one incident that happeneded on that day:

 

We were in the car park and he touched me on the back, as a gesture for me to move along with him. I JUMPED! and it put me off like you wouldn't believe. I felt as if he was invading my personal space, and he caught me off guard.

 

Afterwards, he was really apologetic and didn't touch me again (which i am thankful for).

 

So if i were meeting someone online, i wouldn't want them to touch me (no matter how well we knew each other over the phone), because i would feel as if they were invading my space and assume that i like being touched.

 

Plus, you never know if they are feeling the same way as you - even if they say they are, they could be thinking differenty - remember that.

[ehm doubleyou]

well in my case...The girl i was gonna meet...we had some nice to hot and heavy web cam conversations....I cant stress enough how much it helps to have a web cam to screen someone...we always talked about what we would do when we met....and i told her flat out that i was gonna give her a big hug and a kiss....when i went to pick her up in her small town....thats exactly what we did...and she gave me a nice hand massage all the way back to my place...i never felt soo relaxed....even though we only saw eachother for the weekend ....it was not a bad experience at all. Basically I think its really important to talk about how to introduce ones self to another when you finally meet....

 

This new girl i am chatting with that i met online....we both already admitted that we have a crush on each other...and a few days ago she sent me this questionaire that she took about ones self...like fav colour ...fav bands ...it was about 102 questions...I then told her that i found it interesting and that i would try and complete it for her....but then i thought...why not just ask me now on anything....so she would start asking me things about me....and then i would about her....as it progressed the questions became more sexual orientated....and by the end of the converstation we both wanted to jump into the sack with each other...but we decided that we will still chat and we will go on a proper date in the next few weeks....but we were glad to get that part over with and it made us way more comfortable to chat with each other in a weird way that i cant explain....it just seems like we opened up to eachother and now know what turns us on and what doesnt....its all about gathering info on eachother...which will make the first date really nice....all i know is that when we finally meet up we will both hug and kiss eachother...

 

on the other hand ....i have this one lady i am chatting with who wants to meet me asap.....I just dont want to even though we have a few things in common....she is from a small church town and i just can not picture myself meeting her and if i did it would be a casual hug and thats it....but i doubt if it will lead up to that....i feel if you can talk about sex with someone you are chatting with it just makes it alot easier to meet them in person...even if no sex happens during the date....anyone agree?

[Msnak]

ehm_doubleyou:

 

You asked if it's a good thing that you can talk about stuff and make it easier to meet someone in person...

 

My humble opinion

 

1. Open communication is great, saves time, spares heartache in some cases, should be the basis of a good relationship.

 

2. Consider how big a part that sex is in the long-term relationship. How do you spend the bulk of your time with someone? Talking, going places, doing errands, chores, dealing with life, showing affection, sleeping, hobbies, etc. There's so much to explore in a relationship, that you almost fear a relationship focussing on solely one thing...because it means you're missing out somewhere.

 

So, as long as you can talk--about everything under the sun--and realize that it takes SO much to build a strong and lasting relationship.

 

3. Also, the sparks and chemistry you feel that might be physical don't always last and sustain a relationship. So ensure that you build something that has many bonds.

[Northern Raccoon]

i think that hug would be thge right thing to do.

[Pioneer_UK]

i have met 2 girls online and met them in real..

the first one lead to marrage

the second one broke my heart..

 

all i can say is... dont expect anything to happen. just be friendly

like you would with your real friends. you will know by your gut feeling what to do... just dont rush anything... i found that when u meet someone u get very anxious and very nervois! no matter how well u know them online...letting your nerves go into auto pilot is the best way... dont try and control how you feel.. just be yourself!