Return of the ex

[Karibo]

So i got out of an emotionally abusive relationship just over a year ago. It was very messy and almost escalated into physical abuse, but I got out before that happened. He was in the Navy so has been away for 9 months which was good because I didn't have to see him at all and I could get over him.

 

We both tried to split up several times before that but we kept getting back together and we were addicted to each other. We knew we were wrong and couldn't stop it. We were both very insecure at the time.

 

Well, I started to love myself and now I have more confidence and realise I will not put up with any relationship like this ever again because I deserve much better.

 

Well, the thing is, he has returned! He's been back a couple of months now and he keeps showing up wherever I go! So we started going somewhere else to avoid him but he showed up there once and now always turns up.

 

The other night he spent the WHOLE time "accidentally" bumping into me and my friends even noticed how desperate he was to get my attention. Eventually when he realised i was ignoring him he tried to talk to me. i tried to ignore him, but he persisted and eventually i just let him say what he had to say. Well he looked so excited to see me and told me that "this time next week I'll be free, coz im quitting the navy! Now i'll be home ALL the time." implying that we could see each other again on a more permanent basis (when he was in the navy that was one of his excuses to not commit fully). So now i know he'll always be round.

 

I just don't know what to do. I know i definetly don't want to be with him but i know that he's not gunna leave me alone. I feel really clostrophobic because I feel as if he is starting up the mind games again and trying to drag me back into all the mess. Just the fact of seeing him all the time and him trying to win me over constantly makes me feel really scared coz i used to always go back to him. I know I don't want to get back with him, but im just scared because i feel as if i am constantly battling in trying to ignore him and its stressing me out!

 

I feel so upset and sorry for him because he is still the same guy - i thought he'd grow up a bit and realise we shouldn't be together, but he hasn't. I just don't know if i can bare to see him all the time, but part of me felt really excited at the thought of him being around a lot more.

 

I just did something stupid that now i really regret. I messaged his friend on my friends phone asking for him to give me my ex's mobile number so I could tell him once and for all that it was over, but his friend wouldn't give me the number so I told him to tell my ex to leave me alone. I feel this would have just aggravated the situation even more.

 

I dunno what to do?!!???

[MeHim]

You ahve to be very Abrupt with these type of guys. He basically thinks now that he's free "If you go back with him, he will eliminate having to go through the dating issues, and getting to know someone" He wont have to spend any time alone, because he will ahve you.

 

A very superficial way of looking at it.

 

Stand your ground, tell him your at a different part of your life then him, you are not the same person, you have different views and you know that the relationship will not work.

[Lonelyinasmalltown]

Next time he "accidentally" bumps into you tell him exactly what you told us. He's scaring you, you're not interested and you want him to get out of your life. You don't need a stalker (which is technically what he's doing) Honestly, if he's any kind of man, after hearing that, he'll back off and leave you alone. If he doesn't leave you alone I'm sure there's tons of ways the police can help you out (ie, anti-stalker laws).

 

Whatever you do, you have to be very direct with him and let him know that there is no hope in heck that you'll ever get back with him. After all, who wants someone who scares them?

 

Good luck, and remember if he doesn't stop, the law is there to protect you.

[Beyondthesea]

Don't allow yourself to be a victim. Don't talk to him, don't let him talk to you, don't bother with him.

 

If he approaches you, tell him outright that if he contacts you in any way again, you have been keeping track of his 'run ins' everywhere and will press charges for stalking as well as get a restraining order.

 

The only way to do these things is to be firm instead of letting them walk all over you again.

[Mrocza]

I agree with the others.

 

Tell him firmly.

 

And try not to let him get to you...he's trying to lure you in, but you know better. Try to find another hang out spot, AGAIN and try changing your email or not let everyone know where you're going.

 

But I agree, keep track of where he shows up, what he says to you and when he won't leave you alone. But don't contact him, don't make an effort to talk to him, unless he approaches you, if he does.

[Scout]

Please, please don't let him back in your life. Don't find yourself one, two years from now in a relationship with someone you are very afraid of. You don't want to look back at this pivotal decision and realize you made a horrible mistake.

 

He's no good, hon. Thank God every day you got yourself away from him.

[newts]

Hey,

 

Next time he turns up where you and your friends are, politely pull him aside and tell him what you need to tell him. If he doesn't stop accidently running into after you tell him, go to the police and get a restraining order on him (make sure you mention that in your first talk).

[fishrrshortae]

Why bother going out of your way to tell him it's over? Just ignore him. If you were really over him, you wouldnt even need to post this.