Return of the abusive ex

[Karibo]

So i got out of an emotionally abusive relationship just over a year ago. It was very messy and almost escalated into physical abuse, but I got out before that happened. He was in the Navy so has been away for 9 months which was good because I didn't have to see him at all and I could get over him.

 

We both tried to split up several times before that but we kept getting back together and we were addicted to each other. We knew we were wrong and couldn't stop it. We were both very insecure at the time.

 

Well, I started to love myself and now I have more confidence and realise I will not put up with any relationship like this ever again because I deserve much better.

 

Well, the thing is, he has returned! He's been back a couple of months now and he keeps showing up wherever I go! Whenever I am on a night out he shows up, so we started going somewhere else to avoid him but he showed up there once and now always turns up wherever i am.

 

The other night he spent the WHOLE time "accidentally" bumping into me and my friends even noticed how desperate he was to get my attention. Eventually when he realised i was ignoring him he tried to talk to me. i tried to ignore him, but he persisted and eventually i just let him say what he had to say. Well he looked so excited to see me and told me that "this time next week I'll be free, coz im quitting the navy! Now i'll be home ALL the time." implying that we could see each other again on a more permanent basis (when he was in the navy that was one of his excuses to not commit fully). So now i know he'll always be round.

 

I just don't know what to do. I know i definetly don't want to be with him but i know that he's not gunna leave me alone. I feel so upset and sorry for him because he is still the same guy - i thought he'd grow up a bit and realise we shouldn't be together, but he hasn't. It breaks my heart to think of him unhappy, but don't get me wrong - i know its his life and he is the only one to sort it out. Just don't know if i can bare to see him all the time, but part of me felt really excited at the thought of him being around a lot more. Basically I love him, but I know we can't be together. it is very hard.

[ElektraHere]

First thing I would do is find out how he knows where you are going and how he ends up there too. Thats a bit scary. Next if you really dont want him to have any communication with you there is always the restraining order route to go. If he is saying to you things will change between you and him I don't think that will last. (the change in him) Unless he had some serious counseling while out to sea I doubt he is a changed man.

 

If I were in your shoes and felt uncomfortable about everything I would seek a restraining order and change my #'s. I would also figure out who is telling him my whereabouts.

 

Hope this helps?

Good Luck!

[Shadows Light]

You become addicted to the very thing that's destroying you.

 

Patricia Evan's .

 

Try that book on for size. Or go to link removed great verbal abuse site.

 

You don't want to be with him. He's bad news for you. Then you stay away. No contact. He's not a stray cute little puppy dog you need to save. He's hurt you in the past.. and very rarely is an ABUSIVE person come to an epiphany and "change" his stripes over night. Or even within a few short months. Curbing an abusive behavior is a lot of HARD WORK.. that usually is done with the help of a proffessional.

 

Sooo.. do yourself a favor. Read some stuff on VERBAL / EMOTIONAL abuse. And get educated. Don't let him HOOVER you. (suck you back in). There's a reason you got out. Stay out.

[Beyondthesea]

He doesn't love you and you don't love him. It's just a cycle. You both need each other to continue it.

 

Don't feel sorry for him, he's a grown man and could take care of himself and become a better person if he chose to. Unfortunately he has chosen to be the same idiot you had to deal with before.

 

Completely ignore all his gestures, and tell him to leave you alone or you'll get a restraining order.

[Bethany]

Tell him that you're flattered that he would like to spend more time with you but you have moved on in your life and seeing as things became abusive and physical in the past between you, you don't think that would be a very good idea.

I say this because I think he needs a reminder of the past and why you DID move on, then he might be more willing to accept it's over for good reason rather than avoiding the serious issues here.

[RunToMe]

I just got out of an abusive relationship girl, and personally I think it would do us both well to support each other NOT to go back to the ex. Mine is making all these promises to buy me expensive things, being sweet, crying, and begging me to come back. Its rough, I know. I have anxiety attacks when I think about how my life is going to be without him. Stay away from him. He'll only go back to treating you like he used to. Keep your mind off of him.

[friscodj]

I think if he comes around again, you need to be forward and even mean to this guy for him to get it. Tell him it's over and there is no chance in hell you two will ever get back together.

 

I actually know guys like this and I think that's what it will take...

[Karibo]

Well i just did something stupid that now i really regret. I messaged his friend on my friends phone asking for him to give me my ex's mobile number so I could tell him once and for all that it was over, but his friend wouldn't give me the number so I told him to tell my ex to leave me alone. I feel this would have just aggravated the situation even more.

[Hope75]

If he contacts you again, be firm, be simple, tell him that you want to be left alone, no if's, and's or but's.

 

Tell him if he does not leave you alone, you will file for a restraining order. Tell him you'd like to handle this as simply as possible but you have no problem contacting the police if he does not get your message loud and clear: LEAVE ME ALONE.

 

Don't give him "chances" after that- stick to your word. If he bothers you, go to the police and file a restraining order.