Did I ruin it with shy guy?

[ladeedah]

So last week, I was at a party and went over to shy guy who gave off signals that he liked me and I started talking to him to which he didn't make any eye contact at all except for one quick shy glance and than excused himself and turned away for a second . At this point my insecurities overcame me and I felt rejected that he turned away and quicky left and ran to the opposite side of the room. I saw him again recently and he seemed a bit less warm than usual and than I was standing talkiing to a guy friend (he likes me and was flirting a bit with me but i'm not so into) and Shy Guy comes and sits near us all by himself not talking to anyone and not looking too happy...I went over to him after and said hi and he said hi back but with no warmth and i walked away... Whats with him? Does he like me? Or just not into me? I would maybe be a bit braver if I could understand whats going on in his head...Thanks in advance...you guys have been great!!!!

[Darketernal]

A shy guy 'just can't do that'

 

His unhappyness comes from that he isn't able to 'react' to what you said. It doesn't mean he dislikes you, in his secret hidden corner he most likely likes you a LOT. But in the 'real' world he would 'never' fathom to say this to you because he hasn't the courage to speak this out to you. Or to anyone for a matter of fact.

 

Everything stays 'within' the walls of his world. Basically you asking him out is an attack on his solitairy world on which he doesn't know how to deal with, this makes him extremely uncomfortable.

 

The whole thing with shy guys is the following, they would love to have a person in their lives that would end their lonelyness. But you aren't on the same frequency as him, nor should you, but its the reason why you got 'repelled' by him.

 

Basically if you want to go out with him , you'll need to drill a hole into his world and step in. This means the following.

 

-don't give up.

-make it very easy for him to date you.

-become available.

 

Even if he says No, to you. Just say to him, look you don't have to give a straight answer, i want to go with you to (movie x) on 'thursday(for examples sake)' just let a few days between it so he can think about it, then a few days later just ask him out again.

 

This is important , because it means you will give him 'space' which he will definitly appreciate, also if he says no to your request, just ask him out 2 weeks later another time. If he says no then, well then just say to him ' i give up'. But here's my number (or e-mail) if you want to go out with me , just give me a call.

 

Its only natural that his actions gave you a insecure feeling, i mean a guy that is so shy that he can only say 'no' to everything and everyone that comes into his life. Which gives you the feeling you are rejected, while in reality there is nothing wrong with you, it be just his shyness playing parts on him acting so weird.

 

Just give it another chance as i stated above, after that just drop it then. He won't change or isn't ready to change.

[Markers]

been the shy guy, done that, been interested in the girl.. I'd go for it if I was you

[PocoDiablo]

Why would you want to date a guy that cannot even say hello to you?

 

He's got so much growing up to do, so much work to do on social skills. You're much more brave than he was, and unless you want an adult child to take care of I would recommend you go say hi to some other guy who can actually carry on a conversation.

[yeawutever]

Well if u really like him, try asking for his e-mail, who knows, maybe he can write better than talk in person.

[Pixiemeat]

I've been out with shy guys (I have a kinda thing for them), but really, if it's too much hassle I really wouldn't bother. The shy guys I dated at least were able to carry conversations!

[Lonelyinasmalltown]

I agree with PocoDiablo and Pixiemeat on this one. I used to be the shy guy (still am in a lot of ways), but even I was able to carry a conversation even if I did sound like a nervous idiot at times. At least I TRIED. He does have a lot of growing up to do. Honestly if I woman came up to me and flirted with me I'd jump all over the chance.

 

As for the second time you talked and he was rude. I do know where he was coming from. He probably was upset because you were getting flirted with and he probably assumed he lost you.

 

If you truly want to go ahead with him, you need to flat out ask him out. No hinting, no fishing for a "ask out", just ask him out to dinner and a movie. I don't think it will ever happen unless you do that. There's absolutely no reason a woman can't ask a guy out after all. I know my best relationships in my whole life came from me being asked out. =)