I blew it...

[Süsser Tod]

So I went to the movies with this girl:

 

 

 

And basically, I think I blew it. Movie was fun, then we just wandered around the mall (theater is in a mall), went to see the animals at a pet shop, went to a gadget store, etc. I thought it was cool, but when we were leaving, I aked her if she was busy on the weekend...

 

 

She said she was extremely busy, and that she is going to have a lot of homework and projects to get done as next Thursday she starts exams...

 

So I told her, "basically you'll disapear for the next two weeks", and she was like, yes.

 

 

So guess I'm done. I really liked this girl, but gues she doesn't feel the same way about me. If she liked me, why would she had basically made up an excuse to avoid me for at least two weeks? Not to be hard on her, I know she is an excelent student and is dead serious about University (excelent grades), she is not fooling around, but come on! If she had some interest she could have left some options open, you know, if you are interested you can make a couple of hours on your schedule.

 

The goodbye was just that, "goodbye, take care" and thats it, not even a "talk to you..." or something like that, that was the worse part...

 

 

I actually had a very good time with her, met at 5pm at the mall and she left at 9pm, so 4 hours, doubt she would have staid so long if she had hated me.

 

Really doesn't make sense to me, but, well, her loss (my loss too).

 

Anything else left I may try? Or any further intent may just end up being a waste of time?

[deRocket5]

While the 'busy weekend' is a very common avoiding tactic of women, it could also be ligit. If you wanna find out, call her, try and talk to her a few times, if she enjoy's talking to you, then you'll know, if she doesn't, she'll avoid talking to you and such, but exams are a stressful time. See if you can set up lunch or something during the week before exams.

 

Hope this helps and good luck, lemme know how it goes.

 

xguardianofdrx

[Süsser Tod]

I have no reason to doubt the bussy weekend being legit. What I understand from that, is that she has no interest on seeing me, as she dind't even gave a hint she could move her schedule to accommodate a date.

 

I don't want to call, don't want her to feel stalked. Specially since she explained she has a ton of work to get done.

[RayF]

Hmm. I don't think it'll hurt to call her and chat with her and see how that goes. Assuming it goes well why not feel out the idea of spending some more time together after her exams are done in two weeks. If she's scrambling for exuses then it's probably no hope.

 

The goodbye you mentioned seems iffy. This is a tough one bud but don't give up just yet! You never know.

[deRocket5]

rayf is right mate, you'll never know if you don't give it another try, otherwise, you'll live not knowing, and that my friend will suck worse...don't try and read TOO too much into what girls say and the way they say it, otherwise, you'll end up asking questions that will drive you mad, lol

 

Peace

[smallworld]

Hey Süsser Tod, what movie did you see? Not "Date Movie" I hope! Ok seriously. You didn't necessarily blow it. From your previous post I gather that this girl is a quiet sort who takes her studies seriously. It would have been more encouraging if she had made plans to see call or see you when she has a chance, but if she's shy it might never have occurred to her to offer since you two aren't a couple yet and this was your first official date.

 

I've had really bad dates before and I would never hang out four hours with a guy that I wasn't interested in as a friend or something more. I don't want to give you false hope, but from you what you've said in both posts about her, I don't think you blew it. I think you did just fine.

 

Maybe call her a week from the date and see how she's doing. If the conversation goes well, ask her if she'd like to celebrate after her finals some place fun and casual like mini golf or bowling.

 

On the bright side since this girl is your brother's gf's sister, you do have the option of finding out how she feels about you through them. Normally I wouldn't recommend going through back channels, but since they set you up with her in the first place, they're probably very aware of how she feels. Worth a shot. Good luck!

[Süsser Tod]

Hey Süsser Tod, what movie did you see? Not "Date Movie" I hope!

 

Nope, it was The Descent. I'm from a different country, so that movie just made it to the theater. I had never heard someone scream so loud!!!

 

Ok seriously. You didn't necessarily blow it. From your previous post I gather that this girl is a quiet sort who takes her studies seriously. It would have been more encouraging if she had made plans to see call or see you when she has a chance, but if she's shy it might never have occurred to her to offer since you two aren't a couple yet and this was your first official date.

 

Well, she does seem to be that kind of girl. What bothers me is that I gave her every single chance I could come up with for her to give a hint about a second date.

Asked her about the weekend and we had to pay for the parking, so the focus of the conversation changed, then I had to ask her again and that is when she said the thing about being bussy all weekend and the exams next week.

 

I've had really bad dates before and I would never hang out four hours with a guy that I wasn't interested in as a friend or something more.

 

That is what I think. I've also had some bad dates before, and couldn't think anything but running away But if she spent 4 hours with me, she wasn't that eager to escape.

 

Maybe call her a week from the date and see how she's doing. If the conversation goes well, ask her if she'd like to celebrate after her finals some place fun and casual like mini golf or bowling.

 

Maybe a text message? OK, I'll call her. Think minigolf is out, as there is not even a single minigolf in this city. Maybe bowling, but I suck at it.

 

On the bright side since this girl is your brother's gf's sister, you do have the option of finding out how she feels about you through them. Normally I wouldn't recommend going through back channels, but since they set you up with her in the first place, they're probably very aware of how she feels. Worth a shot. Good luck!

 

Maybe will try that, but, I'd like to know it from herself, not her sister. I think she is going to be carefull about every single word she says about me to her sister, so there is a big chance that what I get from there may not be the truth, just a "polite" version of the truth that may have to be interpreted (and you know, when there is a chance, you hear what you want to)

[deRocket5]

I knew it, lol, you over-analyze too much mate, lol

 

Relax, things are gonna turn out one way or another, an sometimes, times like her feelings, there's not much you can do to change that, except staying close.

 

Remember: IGNORANCE IS BLISS, trust me, lol

 

xguardianofdrx

[NR498E]

I think you blew it.I think you sealed it by asking her what she was doing on the weekend.Her answer does not sound positive.If she's going to be unavailable for the next two weeks...I mean come on...If she was into you she'd want to see you real soon.

I think you probably acted like you liked her too much during the date.

People want what they can't have.By consistently making yourself availabe,your actually diminishing your value.

When your dating someone your not that intrested in you make yourself avalaible when its convienet too you.When you date someone you really like your always available.You have to do the reverse!

Whenever someone says "The ones that I like, don't like me, and the was I don't like, do"

Well thats why.I know its sucks and it's retarted,but it's human nature.Its not games it is what it is.

I would not call her for a least a week and then feel her out.Your probably toast but what the hell.

[RayF]

I'm not sure i ENTIERLY agree with Andy but he makes a few good points. Still i don't think you're entierly toast. Whenever you call her make it causal and feel her out.

 

You did pick a movie for the first date which is a BAD idea. But when you actually did get to talk to her how did the conversation go? Was it pretty two sided, good eye contact?

[smallworld]

Süsser Tod, I get how you feel, but unless you can honestly let this go without another second thought, I really suggest going with a follow-up phone call. You don't have much to lose and yes I really think it should be a phone call. Text messages just might confuse the issue even more. At least if you call her, you can hear how she feels about you in her voice.

 

If she's not interested, she's not interested, but don't give up just because things were vague. And by the way regardless of what happens, it doesn't you mean you blew it. It could simply be a matter of incompatiblity. Nobody's fault if you just don't click.

 

If you don't want to bowl, that's fine. I'm just saying that when I was a student, finishing that last final was such a relief. Take her somewhere fun and I'm sure she'll really appreciate it.

 

I agree with you. You're better off finding out how she feels from the girl herself. But if you do choose to ask for help, her sister might be "polite" about it, but your brother would tell you the truth wouldn't he?

[phaseone]

Sorry to hear about your story. I think you made yourself too available to her. Its all about the chase. Whats the point in dating if you already have the person. You gotta give a little and make them come back for more.

[Süsser Tod]

I'm not sure i ENTIERLY agree with Andy but he makes a few good points. Still i don't think you're entierly toast. Whenever you call her make it causal and feel her out.

 

You did pick a movie for the first date which is a BAD idea. But when you actually did get to talk to her how did the conversation go? Was it pretty two sided, good eye contact?

 

 

The movie wasn't my choice, it was hers. I gave her three options for a first date, she picked that one.

 

 

Oh well, that is what I thought. I better delete her phone number from my cellphone, that way I can't even think about calling her.

 

Süsser Tod, I get how you feel, but unless you can honestly let this go without another second thought, I really suggest going with a follow-up phone call.

 

No, I can't. But I rather take the hint that getting hurt trying again.

 

Sorry to hear about your story. I think you made yourself too available to her. Its all about the chase. Whats the point in dating if you already have the person. You gotta give a little and make them come back for more.

 

I really hate dating, not a game I can play at all.

 

Well, I'm crawling back to get under my rock.

[Süsser Tod]

Just got to my office and I have an e-mail from her! It sheems she sent it just after she got home yesterday?

 

Translation:

 

I wanted to thank you for the movie, I had a great time and the hamsters on the wheel were really funny. Thanks for inviting me this weekend to the races, but I won't be able to go, I'm really sorry. I'll have a weekend full of homework =(

Have a nice day tomorrow and a hug!

 

Ok, so there is the slight possibility that she even may be worse at dating than I am.

 

What can you make out from that e-mail???

[NJRon]

Make out of it exactly what it says. She enjoyed her time out with you, but is busy.

 

If I were you, I would tell her you really enjoyed yourself too. That you liked hanging out with her. that you know how busy she will be with exams and and for her to give you a call after to get together again. And then drop it... leave the ball in her court.

[Lonelyinasmalltown]

NJRon has it right, tell her you enjoyed yourself and leave the ball in her court if she wants to go out with you again.

 

The fact that she e-mailed RIGHT after your date speaks well. My only concern is that you seem to expect failure. Don't do that. Everything in life is what we make of it. If you expect failure of a new budding relationship, trust me it shows to the other person. Then you truly will have "blown it".

 

Good luck and stay positive!

[deRocket5]

The email says your not out of the game! Take it slow, and just go with it. I'm sure she really is busy, so just wait a few days, and try and find a time after all the homework, when she's free, then go from there.