my mind is my enemy right now.

[deejay74]

a lot of my friends are telling to "get over it" and to "just accept it's over" or "stop dwelling on what was in the past, look to the future". while i appreciate all these suggestions and i know basically what i need to do, it's just not that easy for me.

 

yes, i have made a lot of progress with moving on for the most part, and accepting things, i can't seem to stop obsessing over what my ex is doing. i posted on here a few times about this and it hasn't really subsided. those suggestions my friends are giving me are easier said than done when it comes to my obsessive thoughts. i feel like my mind has control over my emotions and thoughts. i am really tired of thinking about her.

 

tomorrow is her birthday and i am afraid i am going to be thinking about her intensely the whole day. i know i am not going to contact her but i really wish it didn't have to be this way - i wish i could at least contact her to wish her well. i honestly still don't know what happened to her and between us that makes it so i can't even wish her a happy birthday.

 

sorry, i had to vent again.

[WildChild]

No aplogogies needed for venting, you know that

 

It is amazing how we become our own worst enemies. It's easy to become obsessed with things, and especially when you are trying to figure something out or haven't had closure. It is always easier to be on the outside looking in and give advice. The key though is that if the advice is coming from people who know you best, know what you have suffered through and their advice still is not hitting home and staying, and if time is not subsiding the pain, then this may be beyond anyone else's help but instead seeking professional advice.

[whatchamacallit]

It is amazing what our mind can do to us depending what we think about. I'm always told to think on the positive. Think good thoughts. When you're depressed, it's hard not to obsess about that individual, or what it is that's making you depressed. Hang in there!

 

whatchamacallit

[whatchamacallit]

People think of addictions as being alcohol or drugs. They can be people too.

[NJRon]

Yeah, I have to reinforce Wildchild's advice here. It is normal to obssess for a while, I know I did it, everytime. I know that everyone heals differently, but with my marriage (about 4 1/2 years total relationshp), it took me about 6 months to stop, with my last girlfriend (almost 3 years), took me about 3 months.

 

I don't want it to sound like I am belittling the pain you are going through. Because I know it is real. I think though, that after a point, when it just seems to go on and not get any better, it may be time to reach out for help. There's nothing wrong with that. I did it in both cases and I think that's what got me on my feet so quickly. Do what's right for you... I mean, what's right... not necessarily what you want to do.

 

Hang in there and Best Wishes

[deejay74]

well the thing is i am seeing a therapist. twice a week now and while she's offered suggestions to help, it only works for a while. that's why in some of my previous posts i thought about meds.

 

the other thing is, i try to keep reminding myself it will only be 2 months since the break up at the end of this month. i know that's still not that long.

 

and tomorrow, well, i just hope i can get through it.

[NJRon]

Yeah, give yourself some more time. If you find that it just doesn't seem to be working, then the meds may be a good choice for a little while until you regain your equilibrium.

[drum4god]

If its any consolation. My ex of only 3 months broke up with me 6 weeks ago, and I am still obsessing about her. Its can relate, but we have to believe it will only get better. It will, but we have to keep our mind on other things. The mind is the battlefield. The more we think, the more we will feel like crap.

[kellbell]

Hi there,

 

I think it is normal for a person to be a bit obsessed with what his/her ex is doing and whom the ex is spending time with. I feel it is part of the whole grieving process. I think it takes a few months to get over that phase. But 6 months, a year or more than that IMO is not healthy.

 

As far as the therapist goes, I commend you for seeing one. There is absoutely nothing wrong with seeing one after a break-up. A therapist can give you great insight on things and offer suggestions to make yourself a better person as a whole not just being in a relationship. However, I do not advocate people taking meds to get over a break-up. Unfortunately, break-ups are a part of life and in many cases can help us become stronger and wiser people. I do not believe in taking meds in order to get through normal things that occur in life. But that's just me. Also, a therapist is not there to "fix" your life or offer full-proof plans to get over hard things....they are there to help, guide, offer perspective and insight. Ultimately, your recovery and the speed and results of the therapy depends on you.

 

Hang there my friend, you are doing well. Birthdays, holidays, and would-be anniversaries will be hard in the beginning but I promise you, it does get easier.

 

(((hugs)))

[WildChild]

I agree with NJ. You need to give yourself some more time. Kell makes a good point also that the end result depends on the person. It is human to feel the way you are feeling, so don't be too hard on yourself. I recommend to continue your counseling. And if down the road you need to maybe go on meds, it is worth a shot. They don't have to be forever, and if it helps with obsessing or anxiety, than in the end it is what is right for you. Hang in there, you are doing just fine.

[octopus]

I must say seeing a therapist has helped me a lot. If anything, I got to vent to someone who listened as a job, and learned more about myself. I suggest see one even if only for a few months.