How to act when seeing your ex after months of not seeing each other?

[luvagain]

My ex wanted to see me over the holidays but I refused. I know I will run into her when I go back home after finishing school. I will be seeing her in June because I need to get my belongings from her. How should I act?

 

Should I not say a word to her and pretend she is not there?

Should I smile and not say a word to her?

Should I pretend like nothing happened and put on a fake smile and pretend to be a friend?

 

She hurt me really bad and even though I love her still (sometimes) I don't want her to have the satisfaction of listening to my voice. She was seeing her new boyfriend while she was with me and I was 600 miles away from home going to school!! I just want to be a rock.

 

She broke up with me through an email and then over the phone. I tried to take a plane out to see her and talk things through but she denied me. I tried to see her once in November when I dropped some of her things at her house and she hid from me. Very mature.

 

I feel that he reason she wants to see me now is because she wants to prove to herself that she is over me and that any feelings she had for me are now gone.

 

I don't know what to do. Please, I need advise.

[Dako]

Be nice to her.

You'll thank yourself later for taking high road.

[HaloDestroyer]

Just ignore her.

 

If she wants to sneak around like that, cheating on you, and hiding from you, then she is not worth the effort.

 

Futhermore, she does not deserve the courtesy. Don't be rude, but just don't speak to her more than you absolutely have to.

 

Hope this helps...

[luvagain]

Thanks for the advise.

[Dako]

Pretty inconcusive, I know.

 

I still chat with my ex, and got on well with my previous ex even though she burned me down in the ugliest way.

 

It always made me feel less damaged to know I behaved well, with less hostility to remember.

 

The clouds are nice today in SD. I hope you've gotten outside.

[GreatGuy]

The actions of thoughts of other are just what they are: Theirs.

You work on being the best person you can be for yourself. Someone comes along and sees it, great for them! If not....your life goes on strong.

[VirtuallyThere]

luvagain- Be polite and strong with her. Show her that you are doing great without her.Be sure to end any conversation or visit with her first and always make it seem that the reason for that is that you are busy or have plans. key is to make you do this confidently and without any hint of anger. Nothing will get under her skin more than knowing that you are doing great without her and that you can handle speaking with her and seeing her and that you are busy in your life.

[keenan]

I'm with Dako and GreatGuy. At some point it becomes as much about being able to look back on your own behavior without regret as anything else. You can't control how she behaved, and you've suffered enough for that. Don't contribute to your suffering by doing something you'll be ashamed of or embarrassed about later. Be polite and friendly, try not to break down. Seeing her again may affect you more than you expect. Be strong.

[luvagain]

I really appreciate everyones input. It makes me stronger and more determined to show her but primarily me that I am worth something. I just need to convince myself of that.

 

Maybe it's too early to say how I'm going to act or react when I see her. I have 4 months or so till we see each other foor the first time since september. Maybe by then my feelings will have changed. The chances of my feelings changing are small but I hope they do.

 

"Forgive and forget" they say but as a cancer I have traits that don't allow that. I'm one of those people who never forgets. I also never use a past situation to hurt someone else.

 

Time will tell. For the mena time I will continue to be positive and as GreatGuy! said "Chin Up". I will keep my chin up and my chest up.

 

THANKS TO ALL FOR THE INPUT.

[luvagain]

So, why would she want to see me now after she refused to see me months ago? What does she want to prove? Why does she want to see me now that she has a boyfriend, the guy she was seeing on the side?

 

I really don't get her. What does she expect? Does she expect that I will be thrilled to see her and that we are going to carry a nice conversation after what she did? I'm just a little confused and suspecious. I don't know what her intentions are.

 

If anyone has an idea of what she might be thinking or any guesses as to why she has decided to come out from hidding I would again appreciate the input.

 

Cheers

[octopus]

I think you should be very kind to your ex. Kinder than you feel like being. Otherwise he'll think "good thing I left the b..h", but if you're very kind and mature, and in control, then he'll think "oh, this is the woman I left. What a fool I am."

[luvagain]

Thanks for the advise Octopus.

 

By the way, I'm a guy. No worries.

[octopus]

LOL!

I was thinking of my own situation when I wrote that

[drum4god]

Luv,

 

Here is what you need to do. Talk to yourself before you meet her. Say I am the most attractive guy she will ever meet. I don't need her. Say to yourself she missed out. Say to yourself I am the prize. If you say it to yourself, you will believe it. A friend of mine did this when he met his ex, and he said it did wonders. It made him feel in control. Its funny, we tend to feel things we think. If you think on these you will feel it. If you feel it, she will feel it.

 

Here is another thing. How would you act in front of her, if you were dating someone else you were madly in love with. Well act that way. Its not easy, but I am telling you its works. I am not saying you will get her back, but you will feel so strong, and confident that it will send a strong message to her that your O.K.

 

All the best

 

Drum

[octopus]

Yes, I agree. We tend to feel things we think. Also, the way we feel about ourselves affects the feelings we bring out in others.

 

I will see my ex in 2 weeks. I need to put on the best performance of my life that day.Not to make him regret his decision and want me back or anything, but to keep myself together.I need to start planning and rehearsing now. I know if I let it go naturally, it will be full of anger and resentment. And that's not how i want him to see me after 3 months.

[Diggitydave]

I can't tell you exactly what she's thinking and I hope it's not evil because anyone going through or coming out of a break up is having enough problems. I really have a few ideas but I am not sure which one is right. You can meet up and be mature about it and that is fine. But remember all the questions that will and are already lingering in your head and be prepared for them to swallow your thought process for the days or weeks following. I am just saying tread carefully and use how vulnerable you are to determine whether or not you really want to do this. My best wishes.

[luvagain]

If it was up to me I wouldn't see her but I will definitely see her in June because we need to return our belongings to one another. I can't dodge that. When I move back home I will be renting a house with a friend and it happens to be in the same town about a mile from her house and only 2-3 blocks from where she hangs out with her boyfriend.

 

There's enough room for both of us to live in the same town. I'm not going to flee and disappear. I'm moving back because it's the town i grew up in and all my friends are there whci also happpen to be her friends, kind of.

 

I will definitely rehears my lines and behavior. After posting my last thread I'm more upset and am developing anger.

 

I'm going home this weekend which is a nice break from my school work. I keep thinking about what I'm going to do if I run into her. If I run into her I'll just tell her to walk away if she values any bit of friendship we have left. My last post explains why I need to grow a thicker skin.

 

Thanks for the advise. I am worth it. I am the prize and she did miss out.