broke NC...omg...what now!!

[solo34]

Yes....Exactly, TigerWalk....exactly.

 

-Solo34

[HappyPainter]

Yes I agree fully with TigerWalk. When I came here I was looking for exactly that. Some posts that getting back together actualy worked out. I wanted to know if it was worth expelling any energy into my situation. I have a life and taking this extra chance for myself would be cutting into it. I for one, will definataly post to let others know. There was already a few posts that helped me so I must contribute and try to help others out also. Its only fair and its is helpful.

 

 

Mouse, How can you say its not a success story (maybe I missed the whole thing) At least the ex told you he made a huge mistake. At least you got that as some closure. As I read that I would say thats actualy opening the door.

 

How is it people think that things are going to work out right away? I would think that getting back together would have to be a time of re-learning and learning new.

 

I would susspect that, for example

If you were together 2 years and it takes 1 year to get over someone

Lets say your apart 1 year... You work things out... (both)

Wouldn't it stand to reason that Its going to take a long time to re-discover each other?

How long I have no clue. I haven't gotten back together where it has worked out yet...

 

I have done the together /break up / together / break up thing before but it never worked out.

[solo34]

Great post HappyPainter...Mouse and anyone looking 4 the "what 2 do if he/she comes back?" should really see this post.

 

Again, great post HP...

 

-Solo34

[blender]

I guess sometimes you don't know if it's a success story... I did hear from my ex. A little history:

 

I kept up "no contact" for over seven months, even after he said, "we should keep in touch", he never called so I decided on my own to initiate "no contact" on my part. All these past months, I have cried, been wondering how he's doing, so sad the whole time, and then he emailed me two weeks ago, a vague email about wanting to get together for a "heart to heart, and let me know what's going on in his life"....

 

As difficult as it was, and as hopeful as I was to hear from him... I decided NOT to respond, I"m not over him and since he didn't state specifically that he wanted to "try again" I feel it's too risky.

 

I feel I'm not strong enough to get in touch with him, and after all this time, PICK UP THE DAMN PHONE...an email after over seven months of no contact? That's not enough, as much as I still love him, and pray that he really is contacting me because he wants to "try again", it's too vague for me to respond, do you guys think I'm losing him forever???

 

I just don't have the strength to "write back to him"... I want MORE, like an "I'm sorry, made a mistake" something... not "let's get together and talk".... that's too risky don't you all think so???

[solo34]

I think you're absolutely correct...however, how open is this guy with his feelings? Him wanting 2 get 2gether and talk, might be him wanting 2 tell U face 2 face that he messed up and wants U back. U will not lose him 4ever if U and him are meant 2 be....then U WILL BE 2gether. No worries on that, alright Blender? If he is 4 U and U are 4 him...then U WILL BE. There is no time table on that because it just IS. Keep your head level, and your guard up. Make HIM reach a little more....just remember that TIME REVEALS ALL TRUTHS.

 

-Solo34

[blender]

Solo, you just made me feel so much better, I've been having trouble sleeping since recieving his email two weeks ago...feeling so badly about NOT responding to him...but it's just not enough "detail" in his words for me to feel "safe". I miss him, I love him, I do understand him...but I don't want to have to read between the lines... I hope I don't lose him forever because I am not responding, but I just can't respond right now...too scary for me, if he just wants to talk to alleviate his guilt for never calling all these months..and that might be all he wants..and that would crush me right now... thank you for you words, you are too kind... Ouch, my heart is hurting, wondering what he "really" wants... whatever, have to move on..

[solo34]

Don't worry....I know how U feel about your heart being in pain. I agree with U 175.283% that U need more than just him saying "let's get 2gether." Like I said, make HIM reach 4 U more. When U feel he's tried enough, THEN U can agree 2 meet him. Be casual when replying 2 him. Make HIM feel like HE'S LOST U!! Like U've moved on....don't say that U have, just make it seem that way. Sometimes it's not what U say...it's what U DON'T say that matters.

Take care, and I'm here 4 U.

 

-Solo34

[blender]

Solo, Thank you for all your thoughtful words, you are being so helpful, I'm thrilled when I see you have responded..ya know how it is, at night when your heart is aching..wondering..."what if I did respond, would he really be interested in "me".... it's always worse at night... as funny as it may sound, just hearing you say, "when" he does contact you again...makes me hope it could actually happen. But, I really think he won't contact me again, I haven't responded, so why would he try again? would you? I feel sad that I don't have the nerve to respond, but I just can't...

[Big Jim]

If i really wanted someone, i would try more than once for sure. If he is unwilling to put a little more effort in, then he doesnt really want you. He will try again, dont worry.

[blender]

thank you Jim, I was beginning to think that men just don't take that risk anymore... I keep wondering if he will leave me alone, now that I have not resonded.... it hurts because I still love him so much and would love the opportunity for us to try again...but his email was simply too vague, "getting together for a heart to heart" ABOUT WHAT??? Am I being too old fashioned expecting him to be more "upfront" with what he wants? I need a male prespective on this, will he just give up now??? I just can't respond to him..I'm too scared of having an expectation that will not be met... thank you for any more advice...

[Big Jim]

Personnaly, if i was emailing a girl i broke up with with the intention of starting something up, and not just "to touch base" (which you wouldnt want anyway), i would definitely persue more. Trust me. Even when i was dating my ex, her ex from way back, pulled the same thing, she didnt respond (was with me) and he kept going till he laid all his cards on the table. Just one example, but believe me, as a guy, if i want it bad enough, id sallow my pride and send another email, a little more direct this time.

[blender]

Thanks Jim,

 

This is the second time he emailed me, two months ago he sent an almost identical email, but did not mention getting together, just that he wanted to "share things that are happening in his life" when we were together he was out of work, down on his luck, and I supported him, emotionally and financially, I really loved him, was paitent until our last day together...

 

when I couldn't take him wallowing in self pity anymore, I simply lost it an said, "get a life, stop complaining, I can't take it anymore, you always find things wrong with me and yet you do nothing to help yourself".

 

I immediately apologized but he already decided it was "over" and left me that night... we spoke a week later and he said he did love me but "needed time" and would keep in touch...but then so many months went by and he never called...so I cried myself to sleep for seven months..but never-ever contacted him.

 

Then two months ago received his email, I did NOT respond, then two weeks ago another almost identical email...but this time asking to "get together".... ugh.. I can't do it..can't respond, thank you for letting me know that if a man reallly loves a woman he will "try again"... it will help me close my eyes tonight and let go.... I'm hurting.. thank you

[solo34]

Yes Blender....sorry it took me so long 2 respond, I was just helping others out. YES!! If I wanted my lady back, I would NOT give up!!! I would send another, and another, and yet another until I heard her say "give up loser!" or I heard nothing back at all...but only after I truly laid myself on the line and got NO RESPONSE. TRUST ME AND BIGJIM...he WILL send another one. Just wait until he reveals a little more. He owes U that, and he knows it.

 

Your friend,

 

-Solo34

[blender]

Solo, thank you, thank you, I believe in romantic love and want a man that will "step uo to the plate' and really come and get me... perhaps i'm too old fashioned but this is what I would want after all this time apart... hope he has the courage if he really wants me back.. thank you for all your help, you seem mature, kind and giving... I so appreciate you and Jim, letting me know how a guy feels...

[solo34]

Hey no problem at all...I 2 lost my girl because of the same things. I was down on myself, had zero confidence, and was a mental and emotional wreck. It was 2 much upon her, and she got tired of it and left. I'm now more motivated than ever 2 better myself. My ex has a new man I'm told (not by her, there's been zero contact between us.) so I don't think she'll be back. But as a guy that's been in your ex's shoes, he just might've bettered HIMSELF and wants 2 show U...not sure, just one man's thought. However, let HIM reach 4 U...he's the one that left U, make him do the work. Just as I'd make my ex that left me do the work if she finds out that the grass isn't greener/that I AM the one 4 her.

 

I'm here 4 U...

 

-Solo34

[blender]

Solo, I have to say, after reading your replies to me, your ex will surely realize you are a great guy..in time, she needs to see how tough it is out there, that guys "seem" to be good men, but in the long run, usually within 3 to 4 months, the facade crumbles and she will realize you are wonderful. Thank you for helping me, I will NOT resond to him and will hope that if he does love me, he has the courage to make an "effort" to be clear on his intentions, you're so right I deserve this, and yes, like you, he was down on his luck, but since he left me, he has gotten his life back together, I have heard he has a great job and is doing so well...ugh...all that I wanted for him...and now I can't share it... it hurts.

You will do well, you are a good man Solo... thanks again.

[solo34]

Thank U 4 the kind words...I mean, do NOT doubt yourself. Now that he is working and has a great job, don't think 4 a minute that he has 4gotten the women that provided so very much 2 him during his down time in his life. Believe me, I know that once I get on my feet, that I'm NOT going 2 4get who was there 4 me (my ex). I am willing 2 bet that he feels the EXACT way, but just doesn't know how 2 go about it so much...just let him reach, though.

 

Yes, I was my ex's 1st real BF...and 1st true love. I truly love her 4 HER...all of her. Not just her beautiful face and gorgeous body. She is so kind, generous, caring, loyal, intelligent, and funny. I can only hope that this new man of hers treats her with half the respect and give her half the love that I did. We've been apart since October, next month will be 5 months. I hope that you're right about her realizing...although, I don't want her 2 be hurt in order 4 her 2 realize. I just hope that I do get that 2nd chance with her. I'll have 2 take your word on her seeing that I am a good guy...and thanks again 4 the kind and thoughtful words.

 

-Solo34

[bcuzitwasfun]

Hi Rina,

 

Yeah, special dates make it tough to get over a relationship. They are like speed bumps in the road, you got to slow down.

 

Hang in there though, you are going to be fine.

 

Success stories, sure there are some, you'll find them or hear about them but the most common success story you'll find here and everywhere else is how people have moved on and became something better and with somebody else better. I know you didn't need to hear that right now, I understand, but think about it.

 

In most cases I've found on this site and in life that when a relationship breaks and is very hard to repair. I'm not sure why it is like this, I've been through a broken marriage and now going through a breakup right now myself.

 

I've found that by concentrating on myself helps me get through the rough times. Do things to make you feel better and do them for only that reason. Don't do things to spite the ex, hurt the ex, make the ex jealous etc. Do things for yourself. When you do this you become too busy to initiate contact with the ex and when they contact you you will have a different attitude about the situation. Trust me on this one.

 

Let us know how you are doing.

 

Thanks

bcuzitwasfun

[blender]

Solo, five months is a long time, but for me it's been almost 8 months and he emailed, so give her space, let go like you have, even it it's just "acting as if you've let go", that works for me, just day to day... You're a great guy and she will realize it, it may take some time, but let her go... just let it all go... it's her time to "grow" and figure life out for herself and I bet she will see you together in her future. Sometimes it's tough to compete with the "newness" of another relationship but soon enough it will become a reality to her...and she will think.. I promise. I've been in her shoes...and I came back...and he had moved on... that was when I was in my twenties... us girls are just not so smart during that time... I'm here for you too... thanks again..

[solo34]

Yes, she is young...and U said some really intelligent things there. Thanks 4 the knowledge, I really appreciate it. Yes, I have left her alone...I'm giving 2 her what she wants. She also told me that she'd NEVER be with me ever again. I'm not worried about that, because she also said 2 me that she'd never leave me, haha. Not 2 bring up more heartache, but what happened when U left that guy in your 20's? U don't have 2 answer that if U don't want 2.

 

-Solo34

[tigerwalk]

Solo & blender,

Thank you so much for sharing this dialogue. I'm in the exact same boat. I was contacted by email and responded to her, then got no response. After three days of no response from her, I got persistent on telling her how I felt. She finally told me that she didn't want what I wanted and to leave her alone. Not exactly the response I was looking for but it was a definite response. We broke up when we were both going through tough times. I have bettered myself in the time since. Now, I believe she will try to contact me again....one day. However, I am now at the point that she will have to prove to me that she made a mistake and wants to work on the things that caused us to break up in the first place.

 

Again, thank you for te support and know that I am here for you guys as well.

[blender]

Solo, the guy in my twenties, well he was a big relationship for me, and when you said your g/f stated she "would never ever get back with you", I thought to myself that is a very strong emotional statement, which means her emotions for you are "strong", and yes, I felt the same way about the guy.. I guess when we girls are in our twenties and have a relationship it boosts our self esteem, especially if the guy is like you and really loves us... then we meet some "new" guy and we want the adventure, the "newness". I did this exact same thing, about a year into it... I realized that he was just another 'guy" nothing so special, but the memories of my old boyfriend, who I had left, were dancing in my heart, because he was a great guy... so I started to drive by his house, or his work, hoping to run into him, then finally I called... and I was shocke to find out he had "moved on", yep he met someone and in my mind I guess I always thought He'd "be there" for me.. and he wasn't. We both cried and he was so nice to me, it made it even more regretful that I had treated him the way I did... many years later I ran into him at a party, he married the girl he had met... and he and I looked at each other, my heart was pounding, I couldnt' believe I had such deep feelings for him..but as I got older I realized how valuable his sincerety and kindness and love for me really mattered, but it was too late. He was happy, but still it was bittersweet to see him again... but good guys like YOU and HIM are not easy to find, and girls realize it eventually and believe me SHE WILL... and you will probably have moved on... Be proud of the type of man you are, that you can love so much and feel so much.. women find that attractive, but sometimes when we are young we don't realize how important it all is.... I know she will be back, keep up no contact and stay our of her sight... she'll be thinking about you..

[solo34]

Wow....this has actually touched me Blender. I feel 4 U, and at the same time, I envisioned this happening between me and her as I read your post. I haven't cried 4 about 2 weeks now, but U almost got me there. Thank U 4 your knowledge yet again.

 

-Solo34

[lovecrazy]

WOW..this is really good stuff!

 

Blender, you sound like an intelligent women! You are special! Dont contact him. I just read on another forum! That you should make yourself happy before others! No matter who it is!

 

I sometimes live by that statement, but it is very hard!

 

 

Solo - you seem to have grown, so you do sound like a good man!

 

And I think you two are awesome Have a good day!

 

Please keep posting!

[solo34]

Thank U, Winschica...I've always been the same caring and loving man, it's just that I HAVE grown and realized "hey fool, U gotta get yourself 2gether...U gotta get back 2 the man that U ONCE were...the man that was financially, emotionally, and mentally stable and secure." That's what I lost, and because of this, I lost her...not the financial part, but the mental and emotional parts is what made her leave. Also, I lost my confidence, Winschica. But I'm getting it all back...I'm going 2 be BACK and better than ever!!

 

-Solo34