What is happening to me?????

[ankz74]

Was going out with this girl for 2 and a half years. While we loved each other immensely there were a lot of issues effecting our relationship. I was not able to give her a commitment for marriage coz I was never sure of our marriage working out considering the kind of people we were. She on her part was crazy about me but had a lot of insecurity, jealousy and low self esteem which resulted in a lot of fights during the relationship period. We split up once or twice in between but always ended up patching up coz we missed each other so much. During this whole period we had a very close friend who was much older than both of us but had always been around to give us sane advise on things He had been a friend of 7 years and I had trusted him with my life. Things became really bad end of last year and she finally took a decision to part ways and try and become best of friends (as we thought we were probably better friends than partners). I kind of realized that this was probably for the best as things were getting worse everyday. Our friend had been suggesting that I break up with her but I just did not have the heart to. We were still talking regularly over the phone till I decided that I was not able to detach myself from her and hence stopped calling up regularly. She was quite upset at that. We continued to talk on and off in between for a period of 2 months.

 

It was a very weird period of 2 months where I was quite sure that I was not getting back. It was lonely and I missed her but somehow made new friends and generally stayed out to keep myself busy all the time. The friend I mentioned earlier also started behaving erratically which was kind of strange. In between this friend had mentioned something that led me to warn him of getting ideas about her as it would hurt me immensely. But then noticed weird games being played but I shunned the thought as I trusted them both immensely. Either ways she finally told me a month later that they were seeing each other.

 

My whole world seems to have crashed after that. I have no control of emotion any more. Have no clue what is right and what is wrong. Have stopped all communication channels with both of them from that very minute. She has tried to get in touch a couple of times but have not responded. The friend has obviously not dared to even try except once. I shudder when common friends take his name now. I am so scared of bumping into them coz I know I will not be able to handle it. Its been 3 months from the day and I am still a nervous wreck so to speak. Am on this huge roller coaster over a girl that I was never sure of and hence might never have given a commitment to.

 

Is this normal? Has anybody else gone thru something similar? I am going thru so much hell especially coz its one of my best friends and I always let her be with him coz I trusted him completely. Can anybody tell me how I can get my peace of mind back. My mind is playing really awful games with me. Should I go and speak to her and discuss things coz I get these temptations to call her and say what is when I manage to stop myself. I need help

[RayXtreme]

All i can say is WOW ... if i was in that position and i still cared

about her and she got with my best friend i dont know how i would

react but i know i would somehow cause thats totally messed up

i hope whatever you feel thats right to do do it.

[kdreger]

Yikes!

 

Although it probably won't help much, you have to remember that you two weren't together anymore. I think the older friend is walking a fine line as she was in a bad spot when he got into a relationship with her but again you don't know what all went down.

 

You obviously still care about her and that's part of the problem. If you didn't care about her anymore, you'd probably be happy that she's happy.

 

This might sound strange but part of dealing with this is forgiving them. You can't carry this pain around - it'll eat you up alive. You're not getting closure. I would suggest you talk to them about this especially your male friend - have it out. You might be surprised with the amount of guilt and grief he carries around with him about it.

[bzborow1]

WOW, that's a really shitty situation.

 

I think you are doing the right thing by separating yourself from those two, by hooking up the way they did (and seemingly trying to hide it from you on purpose) shows they care only of themselves, and people like that you don't have use for.

 

As for your feelings for her, it's always tough losing someone who you had planned (or thought of it anyways) to get married to, that is a serious emotion bond to be sure. You mentioned that you had even questioned the seriousness of your feelings for her before all this happened, so are you sure it's not just wanting something you can't have? It may be, or it may not be, just throwing the idea out there.

 

I really would ditch those two, specially your friend. To me it's sort of an unwritten rule that you don't touch your friends EX's unless he at least has the respect for you to come to you first and ask if it's ok. I know I know, to the women reading this...yes I'm aware she's not his anymore, but it's like...a guy code, you just don't do it.

 

Good Luck.

 

Bill

[ankz74]

Well guys thats the problem..i seem to be oscilating between all of the above. When I am really weak I crave to get her back and ask her to marry me now...but when I get a hold of myself I kind of realize that I was not giving her a commitment for a various reasons. What I really seem to be hurting about is the what my friend ended up doing. I had never in the world imagined the 2 of them together. We used to hang out together all the time. It just hurts to be so jealous of him of all the people. If she had started dating somebody completely unknown to me, I would have probably handled it coz I was reasonably in control after we broke up.

Anyway, any ideas on how my mind games can come to an end and I can move on.

 

Ankur