big problem with loneliness.

[david90]

I can't seem to make any friends. I have tried everything including being myself and nothing (i'll explain).

 

believe it or not I have been trying to solve my loneliness problem for the last 7 years. At first I though I didn't have any social skills so I did research and learned it. No improvement. I tried being extra nice. No improvement. I tried being myself. No improvement also. By the way, I consider myself to be a nice guy. I'm not a loud obnoxious * * * * *. Anyway, No improvement. I still didn't make any close friends. Finally I tried to do nothing at all. I thought that maybe I came off as a desperate guy. I stopped trying, didn't really talk to anybody and just cruising through the day by myself. No improvement.

 

At this point i'm not sure what to do. I'm 23 and I don't have a GF yet. At this "doing nothing" stage, I feel so hopeless. I felt better when i'm myself but that did not solve my problem.

[renaissancewoman101]

David90, I can fully understand how you feel in regards to feeling lonely and not being able to make friends. I just moved into a new city about a month and half ago. I havent been able to find a job although I have a job interview tomorrow. I feel lonely out here and I am having a hard time making friends. I think I also suffer from depression because lately I havent been that social or that outgoing (I was better somewhat in Milwaukee) and I am tend towards my hermit ways again, like staying in my apartment a lot, not going out a lot, not wanting to do things to meet people, etc. Do you think you could be suffering from some low lying form of depression? Reason I ask that is because depression can also make you view life in a cup half empty way and also hinder your ability to make friends, meet people, and see yourself in a positive light.

[Alabama]

My suggestion is maybe join a help group to boost your confidence in yourself, or maybe clubs that have something you're interested in. It's important not to give up hope, even if things seem hopeless. You may not have many friends now, but that doens't mean you won't have any in the future. I am sure you feel exhausted and think there is nothing you can do to improve yourself, or your situation, but I am there is. Think about it.

[danielj]

I'm 21 and I have a similar problem. I tried everything just like you, but met with minimal success.

 

It's kind of hard because I tend to get the feeling the longer I'm by myself, so to speak, the more I feel out of touch with others who have already been through the social things like relationships,while I'm still struggling to get there.

 

Most people have been honing their social skills since high school and I think the longer my problem goes on, the farther behind I am in my social development which makes it that much harder to get where I want to be.

 

I still have hope though that things will turn around. Good luck to both of us I guess.

[shelbymustang_fan]

I'm kind of in your situation. I am almost 21. I've been really shy/reserved in the past. Just recently I've been slowly overcoming this.

 

After reading your post, I noticed that most of my friends are those of which I have known most of my life, and from highschool. I am in my second year of college now, and I really don't associate very much with anybody from college outside of the classroom....So I'm really not making new friends, and the ones from school are all going their own ways, so I rarely see/do anything with them.

 

But my new years resolution was to improve my social skills, self confidence, and meet new people...particularly start looking for a GF. (never had one). So far, I'm making progress by joining the Latin Dance Club at college...(I would be the last person anybody would guess to do this)...But I actually really enjoy it and I have lots of fun. I even went out with the group one night for food, then dancing at another college. I must say that being involved with the club has really improved my social skills, and is eliminating my fear of what others think of me. Also, in the past I have worried about feeling insecure if I ever got into a relationship...The Dance club has helped me overcome that too, and I have no fears of feeling insecure now.

 

I also joined a mentoring organization, and I have met a wonderful young boy. He is my friend, and we do lots of things together. So if I ever don't have anything to do on a Friday night, I don't feel lonely anymore, its just another opportunity to go experience life.

 

Just be yourself, but put yourself out there. Be charitable, respect yourself and others, and live life to its fullest. Most importantly: I have realized that trying something new, and something you would previously never have considered in a million years (ex)...Dance Club!) will do great wonders. Hope this helps.

[had-enuff]

This is a subject I know something about, unfortunately. I used to think I was shy, but I guess I just don't like socializing. I'm now 40 and I've pretty much accepted this is the way it will always be. The net is both and godsend and curse for us types. It provides help but at the same time reinforces all our anti-social qualities by providing such a seemingly rich virtual life. I think a good step to overcome this afflication would be to turn off your computer and go out and meet people. Alas, I never do. I just don't like doing that. Outside of family/business I haven't been to a social function in many, many years. Guess I'm hopeless.

 

Of course eventually you want a lover/friend but you have no idea how to make that happen. You feel like everyone knows some secret you don't, like there's some secret password you don't have that everyone uses to hook up. I now accept that I'm merely getting what I gave out, and should not be too surprised or bitter that I am now completely alone.

[orangecounty]

I just finished talking to my sister on the phone about this very thing. You know, it's tough finding and maintaining relationships. I don't mean romantic relationships, just platonic friends. We both agreed that neither one of us has ever had really close friends, the kind you call up at any time to go out. I've always felt like my friends had really close friends and I wasn't one of them. It's just the way things go, I think I'm at peace with it. I remember when I was in high school a few years ago, my english teacher told us how few people we would be friends with forever. He said friends come and go all the time, it was a very small percentage of people who actually remain friends for years and years.

I think I'm more selective with whom I make friends with now too. It does take some work as well, I've realized how easy it is to lose contact with people. Then again, that's ok sometimes, because you'll meet more people, then lose contact with them and the whole process begins once again. And about not having a girlfriend, I know its' not fun. I'm 22, I've never had a boyfriend, I'm a perfectly nice girl, I'm attractive and fun but I sort of on the shy side. I feel like I've always been in the wrong place at the wrong time, I just haven't met the right guy. But I empathize. Just don't worry about it, just get out there and have fun meeting people.